An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Best friend is using cocaine

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Steve Dawson, Mar 16, 2016.

  1. Steve Dawson

    Steve Dawson Community Champion

    I've just found out my best friend is using cocaine, not loads, but he is using it everyday. He split up with his partner and the mother of his two young children just before christmas and has been dealing with it well, still seeing the kids and supporting them financially. It seems hes been using coke to help him deal with it. I was horrified when I found out last night and tried to speak to him about it, but hes in complete denial about how dangerous it is. I'm shocked and feel so frustrated that he won't listen to me about it, I've known him over 20 years and know that he'll never listen to me if I try and tell him what he should or shouldn't do in fact it'll probably end our friendship if I push it. I'm so angry about this, life can really throw stuff at you when you least expect it.
  2. Sparkster

    Sparkster Community Champion

    At the end of the day, you can't force him to stop. He needs to do that on his own which means he needs to actually want to. All you can really do is warn him of the dangers, try to get him see what he's doing to himself and his children and perhaps try distancing yourself from him a little. The worse he gets, distance yourself more. If he improves get a bit closer. Sooner or later, it'll catch up with him and if he reaches that point then tell him it's now or never.
    Steve Dawson likes this.
  3. oraclemay

    oraclemay Community Champion

    I completely understand your frustration as I have a cousin who is in a similar situation and I have had to talk to her several times. It is so disheartening, especially since she was fine not too long ago. I think it is best not to give up on them and to perhaps find someone who has experience with the specific drug to talk to them. I have had to be very firm and run the risk of our friendship ending on more than one occasion, but I cannot stand by and say nothing. Perhaps he will think it over if you mention how it will affect his kids if he is no longer there for them, or how he would feel about them taking drugs. Children always find out sooner or later.
    Steve Dawson likes this.
  4. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    Aw, that's terrible. I know you're only looking out for his safety... But truth be told, no matter how much we want someone to quit drugs, if they don't want to do so willingly, there's not much we can do. You're such a good friend for being there for him and scolding him about his bad actions. And although your friendship might be at risk, you still continue to reprimand him. I commend you for it! But for now, that's all you can do. And until he accepts that he has a problem, change will not happen. I just hope he realises this sooner before it wrecks his life apart.
    Steve Dawson likes this.
  5. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    Anyone in your position will be frustrated as well. When someone close to us is destroying their lives, we want to intervene of course. But it's so hard when the person that we want to protect is in total denial that he's in danger. He thinks that he's in control. But he's not. Don't give up on him. I just hope that your best friend soon realizes his folly. He's so lucky to have a friend like you.
    Steve Dawson likes this.
  6. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    This is an ugly situation that I've lived through, myself. I am sorry that you had to find out that your friend is using drugs. My best friend started to use cocaine a few years ago and I found that there was nothing I could do to make him stop. He had to make the choice on his own. We grew apart, but reconnected last year and are very close now. He doesn't touch drugs anymore and recognizes how stupid his choices were.

    I would suggest talking to your friend about it. Let him know you're always there when he needs you and that's all you really can do.
    Steve Dawson likes this.
  7. Steve Dawson

    Steve Dawson Community Champion

    Thats good advice Lexinonomous, now I've got over the shock of it, I realise he may just be acting so out of character because of his recent problems with his partner, hes been affected quite a lot by not living in the same house as his children, even though he gets to see them whenever he wants. I'm going to leave him alone for a few days and then try to speak to him when the dust has settled a little.
    MrsJones likes this.
  8. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    You are such a good friend; but please don't give your friend too much space, he is in a state where he needs someone around every now and then.Hang out with him, talk to him on other things; his future plans for his children; trying to get back with his family or move on; things that will make him reason outside the drugs.
    There is no way he can suppress the truth, it is reality and he needs to face it like a man.
    Steve Dawson likes this.
  9. Steve Dawson

    Steve Dawson Community Champion

    That illustrates the quandary I'm in. I don't really want to desert him at such a potentially dangerous time in his life, but likewise I don't want to be to much 'in his face'. He knows I'm an ex-alcoholic, and he knows I really do not like drugs at all, presumably thats why he never told me until this week that he was using cocaine. Theres a fine line that I have to walk along in order to support him, but not mess up my friendship with him. I've sent him a text this morning just saying I hope he's OK, but I think I'll meet up with him in a couple of days and see how he's doing and if hes had chance to think about what I said to him.
    MrsJones and Mara like this.
  10. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    I am really sorry to hear about that Steve. I hope you can offer him support if he wants to quit, but you should draw a clear line so that you don't get in trouble too.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Just sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Be totally honest. Tell him you're concerned about his well-being. But just remember that you can't control or fix him. Kudos to you for caring, my friend.
    MrsJones likes this.
  12. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    That is one good tip right there @deanokat, sometimes all we need to do is keeping it simple, if we have that capacity we can eventually make a difference and help.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. roger1003

    roger1003 Member

    What you're going through is very difficult. I know it's breaking your heart that the one friend closest to you has been addicted. What I can advise you to do is once your friend is ready to talk to you, have a heart-to-hear conversation. Have him voice out his fears and concerns about quitting the drug. Do not judge him as this might cause him not to open up to you. Also, reassure your friend that you are always ready to support him when he decides to quit cocaine.
    MrsJones likes this.
  14. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Sorry to say, but you really can't do anything else other than to convince him to stop using coke, and hope that he will listen to you. If he does not budge then there's not much that you can do. An addict must recover on his own initiative, otherwise nothing will happen.
    deanokat likes this.
  15. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    The issue is that no one can be convinced as people convince themselves. We can surely offer our support and help and give the example, but not much more than that.
  16. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    @Steve Dawson. You have received a lot of good support and advice since last week. I hope you have had the opportunity to speak with your friend. We are here for your support.
    Steve Dawson likes this.
  17. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Steve Dawson... How are things going? Have you said anything to your friend? Just curious. Keep us updated if you don't mind. We're here to help you however we can.
    Steve Dawson likes this.
  18. Steve Dawson

    Steve Dawson Community Champion

    Well, thanks for all the kind and useful advice all of you. I have spoken to my friend when things were less heated and he has at least agreed to try to limit his use of it with a view to stopping it entirely. It took very little additional effort for me to get him to see it this way, the mother of his children had given him a good telling off as well as many of his other friends. Fortunately he's smart enough to see the way things are and can see that its a bad habit to get into. So, so far all is looking better than I could have expected.
    deanokat and MrsJones like this.
  19. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    That's definitely good news! I hope all of you helped to open his eyes to what he is doing to himself.

    Sadly, a lot of people who start using cocaine don't really understand the side effects that it can have on their bodies, and most don't have anyone close to them who is going to step up and try to stop it. I wish I would have had a friend like you in my life when I started.
    Steve Dawson likes this.
  20. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Steve Dawson... Thanks for the update. Fingers crossed that your friend will cut down and eventually quit. You're a great friend for talking to him about it!
    Steve Dawson likes this.