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Betrayed before Birth

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by karmaskeeper, Oct 22, 2014.

  1. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    The title of this thread is how I felt for a long time. I was born in 1968 the youngest of four and the only girl. My daddy was an abusive drunk, my mama was a coward. I know those words sound hard to say about the woman that gave me life and did everything in her power to provide for me, and my brothers. Still she stood by and let my daddy do cruel and unthinkable acts towards us kids. I have come to terms with it now, it ruined my life, and my brothers as well. I know she lived with the guilt of not being a stronger woman, and removing us from the hell we were all put through because of one man.

    I was born into addiction, I was raised in addiction and then I became the addict. Two of my three brothers did too. I'm speaking of booze the true gateway drug. Don't be fooled alcohol is a drug, it's legal but still it is man made in a brewery. I hate It, I hated it from the moment I knew what it was. I hated it when I used. I hate it to this day.
    JonnyMacdonald likes this.
  2. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    Welcome to the forum. I hope you find this a place of comfort, that you can ask questions, provide insight, and help us grow as you grow with us. Alcohol can be devastating to a family when abused, and man of us understand that from first hand experience. Don't hesitate to comment or ask questions. You're among friends here.
    karmaskeeper likes this.
  3. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    Thank you and I look forward to getting to know everyone better we all have something in common here.
  4. Jen S.

    Jen S. Guest

    Thank you for sharing your story karmaskeeper, and welcome to the community. I think you'll find there are a lot of people who feel the same way.
    kgord and karmaskeeper like this.
  5. mimsee

    mimsee Active Contributor

    This is very brave for you to post. Growing up with an alcoholic father and a mother who did nothing about it, I can say with earnest that I know how you feel. Please don't hesitate to message me if you ever need anything. I'm here for you and so is everyone else!
  6. ExpertAdvice

    ExpertAdvice Active Contributor

    Welcome @karmaskeeper :) firstly,as a man, I want to apologize for how cruel your father was, and I urge all women to be stronger women, and to not rely on men too much for sustenance, by that, I don't mean to become angry and selfish towards men, but be independent, and when you have found a good man you will know.
    I want to wish you all the very best @karmaskeeper and I can say that I will be a very good person to you in this group! thanks for coming here :)
    karmaskeeper likes this.
  7. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    I agree I tell my daughter who will be 20 next month to be independent. The bad part about it is my daddy didn't work half the time. He was a carpenter by trade, and a damn good one. My mama was really the bread winner she worked in a sewing factory, and also my uncles chicken houses. I know all men aren't cruel drunks, there are tons and tons of actually gentlemen in this world. Bottom line is need no one, rather want someone. There is a big difference in the two.
    ExpertAdvice likes this.
  8. ExpertAdvice

    ExpertAdvice Active Contributor

    That's right @karmaskeeper! that's great advice! you are a very strong woman, just like your mom :) how are you coping with your addiction? what do you do to stay away from booze?
  9. Davienna

    Davienna Community Champion

    Welcome to the family and thanks for sharing, just try to be a stronger woman than your mother was. A lot of women allow their children to suffer at the hands of their father's or even her spouse, trying to save love and building a great family bond. This had caused many to wait far too long, holding on to things that are rather destructive. I was in a similar position as my mother had three of us for a cocaine addict and she knew, but she thought it was a wise thing to hold on and as a result her children suffered.
  10. jackslivi

    jackslivi Active Contributor

    I am so sorry how your life turned out. My fiance had an abusive Dad and he still has issues til this day. My best advice is to find some people who are really going to be there for you when you need them. Like at 3:17 am. You need people who you can talk to and vent this issue about. Good for you for telling everyone on here about it. It is hard to tell people the truth and especially something like that is much harder. I have one thing to say though. No matter what, it is not your fault. It doesn't sound like you are blaming yourself for what he did but don't ever think that you did wrong. If you have overcome your addiction then good for you!
  11. jgon3491

    jgon3491 Member

    I'mg glad you shared your story. I hope nothing but the best for you. You are strong and I know you can overcome anything. A lot of here have the same backgrounds.
  12. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Welcome karmaskeeper! I hope you'll find this as a way for you to air your concerns and heartaches. May you get some really sound advice here and inspiration to live your life to the fullest.
  13. DaniMiranda

    DaniMiranda Member

    I am sorry for the things you went through, and in the same breath I can tell you it was what was meant to be for you. We may think our lives are doomed from the start or question our family and ask ourselves, "why?" There is always a grander scheme to things. Our purpose is to live through our given sufferings and learn and surpass. We all have issues, especially with family. I just learned I am BPD and that it is genetic. This makes sense to me now, all the suffering I endured at the hands of my family. I don't blame them though. I signed up for this lesson when I chose this life. I am thankful that I was able to realize the lesson so that I can grow into a more beautiful soul. My point is, embrace your troubles and surpass them. It is never easy and never will be. But you are strong enough to live this life, because you chose it. You will be ok.
  14. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Let me begin by commending for pouring your heart out because that is the only way we can start the journey to healing and bringing closure to that dreadful experience. I totally agree with you that booze is really a drug and its effects can be devastating especially in a family setting. Take heart and i believe that you have come to the right place where we grow together and encourage each other as we seek a permanent solution to our problems.
  15. dinomarino1

    dinomarino1 Member

    these kind of stories make me feel absolutely terrible. You are so brave and strong for enduring those horrors. life is what you make it. honestly you could be dealt the worlds shittiest hand but you can always rebound from it with a winning attitude.
  16. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    Parents are parents, but they can be far from perfect, or even "normal". So sorry that you had to endure all that you had to endure at the hands of people who were supposed to protect you from that type of thing. Hopefully things for you are much better now.
  17. Survivor21

    Survivor21 Member

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. My childhood wasn't all that great either, and I want you to know that the fantastic community on this forum are here for you. Please don't go through it alone. I know it might really difficult for you to understand this at the moment, but it's absolutely vital that you reach out to someone, anyone.

    In case your family isn't able to support you because they are struggling with their own demons, then reach out to a friend. Everyone has someone who cares deeply about them, it's just a matter of finding them in time. If you ever need someone to talk, then please feel free to drop me a line.
  18. Gin0710

    Gin0710 Active Contributor

    You already sound like a positive role model for your daughters. I'm sorry such atrocious things happened to you as a child. It's horrible when the two people who are supposed to protect you are the ones causing the harm. I am glad you are part of this group.
  19. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Betrayed before birth she says. The prenatal traumas. A coward and an abusive drunk. They go hand in hand. Amazing how one parent lets another parent act this way as if its ok. It is sad when you really don't know who someone really is because of addiction. It doesn't allow them to be themselves in any way shape or form. Nobody deserves to have grown up this way. The funny part is that when you go through life and begin to become aware of how messed up this is. Its almost like you can't believe it. You lived it but its not the same as when you watch it on TV. When its not part of you and its not who you are, its who they are. You step away from it and move up because you are better than that.
    I've read a lot of your posts. Funny how you can get a impression of someone reading something and then you read something like this. Your posts you seem like a positive person who is happy. Amazing how resilient one can be.
  20. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    Many of us share your hatred for that terrible drug known as alcohol.
    Don't let the hatred consume you though, remember to stay sober and stay positive!
    deanokat likes this.