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Betrayed by a friend

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Zyni, Nov 1, 2014.

  1. Zyni

    Zyni Community Champion

    A friend of mine years ago, took advantage of me. I hadn't caught on to her drug use at the time, as she was still quite functional. I gave her money and did things for her all the time. Later, when she started trying to get me to cover her shift, and then called me to bail her out of jail, the stuff hit the fan.

    It hurt to realize all the lies she had been telling me. She ended up losing her job for doing drugs in the bathroom at work. I missed her, because we had worked together a long time. She came to me for money again, but I would not give her any. She begged. She said she had no food and was going to lose her apartment. I fed her and gave money directly to her landlord. That didn't "help" either. It just let her spend what money she could get on drugs.

    She wrote me off after she figured out she wouldn't get any more money from me. I tried contacting her, but she didn't want to hear about getting help. She would say she would only talk to me if I would give her money. I didn't. I went to see her after a while, but she wasn't living in her apartment any more, her phone was shut off, and I didn't know how to reach her.

    I was hurt and sad and worried for a long time. Years later I heard she is doing well, and I hope so. I wish her the best, but I lost a person who was once a good friend.
  2. jackslivi

    jackslivi Active Contributor

    That is so sad. I hate what drugs do to people. You were an amazing friend though in helping her. One day she will thank you for being an awesome friend. I hope she has found a way out of the drugs and you never know, she could be trying to find you now. I hope she is off the drugs and in a better place because I couldn't imagine what it's like for her to be alone.
  3. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    You did what a true friend would do under the circumstances. Your actions reflected your love for her and denying her money that was meant to buy her drugs is highly commendable. Am sure that wherever she is she's grateful to you.
  4. Juan

    Juan Active Contributor

    My family and I had the same problem with a cousin. He used to be a happy guy, we never thought he would ever be on drugs or anything like that. When he was about 15 years old his mother died of leukemia, and around the same time he started hanging out with people we didn't know about (or I didn't know about, I was around 12 at the time) and then he started using drugs. I never knew what he was using. But everytime I visited I would see him less and less.

    Then things started disappearing around my grandparents' house. Money from wallets and purses, mostly. When they caught him, he just ran away from his house. I never knew what excatly happened to him. Last time I saw him it was on my great-grandmother's funeral. We carried her casket for about six blocks until we got to the cemetary, and he was following the procession from a block apart.

    His story didn't end up well, though. He was killed by some other junkie on his early twenties.
  5. sillylab

    sillylab Member

    That sounds terrible and I feel for you. I think you did the right thing by not enabling her. Maybe you should try reconnecting with her, she may even appreciate what you did for her by not giving her money. Often times addicts don't think straight especially when there only priority becomes getting more drugs.
  6. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    It's too bad that you had to go through all of this at the hands of a "friend", and although I think it sucks that she has not reached out to you since she has gotten herself together and is doing better, you might just be better off without her in your life again.

    Sometimes people that we want to hold on to, and try everything in the book to hold on to, are taken out of our lives for our benefit. We miss them, we loved them, but they were no-good for us:(.
  7. Simkata

    Simkata Member

    I'm truly sorry to hear about it. Sometimes being a friend to an addict can be more tormenting than being on drugs yourself... Surely you can't blame her for it, it's not always within our capabilities to battle the addiction. Still, from what I gather, you have been a really good friend even in times when she wasn't that way with you. I mean, it's probably one of the most hurtful things... being unable to help someone you really care about.


    I studied some psychology and one of the most interesting topics for me was abusive, toxic relationships. I'm afraid that when someone is under the influence of drugs (or any other addiction), when there is no control in his/her actions, it becomes quite impossible for him/her to give back anything to you. It's hard to stay friends with such a person... and if things really don't get better, the best course of action is to let go. If you are meant to be close in the future, I'm sure it's going to happen. :) But it's not worth it to ruin your life as well for someone who doesn't know what to do with your help. I know it might seem like an impossible decision but consider it as a way to save yourself. Keep us posted, I hope you'll figure it out!
    Best regards!
  8. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    You are a real good friend. :)
    I also hope she is already okay and maybe she will contact or get in touch with you the moment she will be totally okay. I am quite sure she knew how good friend you are to her and she might just needing some time to figure things out.
  9. GenevB

    GenevB Community Champion

    Well, after all we all have our own ways in life. It just happened that she had chosen a different one from yours. You shouldn't be sad because you lost her, you should be glad because you could help her at a point and you were friends once and more because she is ok now. Life goes on.
  10. frogsandlegos

    frogsandlegos Active Contributor

    Sorry you were so hurt by a friend :( It is never a good feeling to have been taken advantage of. However, you were trying to help her and were being a true friend to her. Glad that she is doing better now, I'm sorry you've been hurt. This is a great experience to learn from.

    I don't think it is wrong to give money to friends, as long as you are not (knowingly) enabling them with an addiction.

    Kudos to you for trying to be a good friend.
  11. Zyni

    Zyni Community Champion

    You guys are too kind. I just feel bad about the whole thing, but I know that there are far worse situations. Drugs do terrible things to people and relationships. I've seen people go from the nicest person to someone who would rob their own mother. It's just heartbreaking.
  12. maryannballeras

    maryannballeras Senior Contributor

    It's really sad to see cases like this because only proves that, sad as it may seem, drugs can really destroy friendships and relationships. It can change people and turn them from good to bad. I hope that she can get some help anytime soon before she totally destroys herself.
  13. Jen S.

    Jen S. Guest

    Hi Zyni,
    Thank you for sharing this. I think it's important to understand addiction causes a path of destruction wherever it goes like a tornado. We (addicts) can easily make the people who love us just as sick in the process. Have you considered joining an al-anon or nar-anon group? To help you cope with the resentment you may have?
    Joseph likes this.