An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Blaming Addicts Doesn't Help

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by Rainman, Oct 29, 2015.

  1. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    When things go wrong, most people blame the addict for everything because they don't want to take responsibility for their contributions, inaction or other unhelpful behaviors that make it almost impossible for the addict to even think about fighting his addiction.

    Instead of blaming the addicts, take action. Try to fix what has been broken. It's the small things we do that can change people.
  2. Tallyho

    Tallyho Active Contributor

    Oh man, do I agree. I know it's really hard living with people facing addiction, I get that. But we already feel bad if something's got a hold on us that we're not strong enough to fight alone. We don't need our potential allies to be part of the battle of getting up every morning.
  3. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    You could be right on this one but i beg to disagree. From my own experience, the society at large does play its part when it comes to helping a drug addict. But most of the time, the addict doesn't pay much attention on what he's being told and goes on with his devious behavior. So, who's to blame here?
  4. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Yes, I am guilty of that as well. I often blame my fiance rather than focusing on the addiction, because well it's easier and sounds more logical to most. This year i really want to start working with him, in hopes we can fight this nasty tobacco addiction together, because after 11 years... it is time to quit.
  5. Tallyho

    Tallyho Active Contributor

    That's definitely true, I can see your point. Addiction is a slippery thing, and easily hides in favor of easier targets. I know I've made things difficult for my fiance as well in the past, and he for me, with smoking and alcohol problems. It fosters a lot of resentment, and too often loved ones take the heat without the real issue ever coming to light fully.
  6. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    That's true. Instead of putting all the blame and burden to struggling addicts, and make their lives even worse, why don't you just instead try to reach out to them, help them in a way, and encourage them towards recovery. They have already been suffering enough. What they mostly need right now is some sort of support from their loved ones.
  7. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    I have your back on this completely. It's hard not to blame someone, but I found a quote online that makes perfect sense. "Don't hate the person, hate the addiction." This is so incredibly true. People are not the same while they're under the influence. It's hard for them to think clearly. Their brains are definitely not in the right place. Taking action is the only choice you have.
  8. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    Anybody can go wrong while performing a given task. We should not blame addicts for even our failures. We have to listen to them and help them out in any difficult situation. We need to show them love so that they may understand whenever we talk to them. We must involve them in our daily chores so that they may know how important they are.
  9. HalfBeard

    HalfBeard Active Contributor

    You gotta hate the addiction and love the addict. While initial feelings of anger,
    betrayal and disappointment set in you have to realize that love and compassion is the real way to help.
  10. Sarasmiles

    Sarasmiles Member

    I agree with this 100%. Blaming doesn't work; supportive encouragement helps. It's such a brave step a person takes to admit they have an addiction. I've found that congratulating someone as soon as you hear they're sober is a great tool to help someone stay on the sobriety path. Just letting someone know, "Hey I'm proud of you for being so brave, for having faith instead of fear, congratulations!" means a lot to someone struggling with sobriety, and I say this from experience. Each time I felt like faltering, a simple sentence like that pushed me forward another 24 hours. Good luck and take care, bless you on your journey! :)
  11. HalfBeard

    HalfBeard Active Contributor

    It must require a humongous amount of bravery. I can't even begin to imagine what that must be like. Again, all about being supportive rather than critical.
    Sarasmiles likes this.
  12. danjon

    danjon Senior Contributor

    I think it depends on the psychology of the addict. Some people respond to a tougher line of approach, whereas others need to be treated with kid gloves, so to speak. You just have to work out which strategy you think would work best, then hope you're right....
  13. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    Exactly, this can often drive them into isolation, or they will shut you out.
    Helping and blaming are mutually exclusive.
  14. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Reminds me of the saying, if you cannot help them, at least do not hurt them.
    Although there are some cases where people being hurt by the addict mainly because of their addiction cannot control themselves blaming the addict for what it have done. But I do agree that better not to blame and give help as possible and the best thing is that the one being addicted is willing to help himself.