Hey everyone , I hoping for some support and advise . Please stay with me as this is my full story, so far anyway. My boyfriend is an addict , oxy is his drug of choice . The story I've gotten is he's been addicted since a bad accident at 17 yrs old when doctors had him on liquid oxycotin cause his mouth was wired shut . Then another accident after that few years later on a pill form , no plan either time to get him off it . That story came from his mother so I believe it. His mother had no idea till several years later that he had never stopped taking them. Well, he's now 37 and I'm a few months but full heart into this relationship . I fell for him very fast and very hard . He is the most incredible man to me with the way his love makes me feel (minus the addiction flaws) he's so tendering , kind , very playful (he will chase me around the room, toss me on the bed, tickle me sweet fun stuff like that . He makes me laugh His words are kind and loving , his touch , everything about him is so perfect . . . Except he's an addict . The moment I realized I was in love with him was when he overdosed . This was just a few weeks into this not even knowing about the drugs (someone had told me he used to do them but I didn't really think he did but of course it was in the back if my mind ) so there we are having a conversation he's standing up talking to me im sitting and he starts "nodding off" I laughed and said let's go to bed . We lay down he immediately was out. He starts breathing weird, I start shaking him, he wouldn't wake up, im slapping him, screaming at him, nothing so I called 911 he stopped breathing a few short times everytime I'd slap him he'd start breathing again , I had to toss him on the floor per 911 dispatch it didn't wake him . Finally the med crew got there I was a frantic mess screaming the whole time as soon as they walked in the room to him he flung himself up and said "baby what's wrong ! " he had no idea what had even happened ! ! I thought I had lost him I was absolutely devastated that was the most God awful moment of my life ! No I live in fear of this day every . . Single. . Day. He had told me after that night that he was never going to use again . I believed him . He lied. I you'd him I was going to leave if he didn't got to rehab that I loved him to much to stand there watching him kill him self and me not do anything about it. He finally just got out of rehab a few weeks ago . . I was so proud of him , I had so much hope so much faith he was found so great . And he's using again . I left him last night over this because he was "nodding off" while talking to me on the Oh one last night . He's begging and pleading for me to stay keeps saying "please I love you stay and don't let me go " " don't let me go" all I keep saying is I'm sick of the lies , that he is hurting me too , that I know this is hard to beat but honesty is easy that if he wants to keep me he has to tell me the truth about it all that he has to let me into his world and let me help that he can't do this alone but I won't take you back unless you are truly ready to be open and honest with me . And" don't let me go please hold on is what I keep getting ". Do you think that means he's saying he needs the help but is scared to fully take it ? That's how I'm reading that . I know he loves me . I know he is a great man , I know for a fact he wants to get clean he was so super excited about it all these plans he had to better himself to fix his life . He had it all figured out he just had to put on foot in front of the other on day at a time . And all it took was one time to get back to ground zero please please help me any information you can provide . If anyone knows of free or very low cost rehabs near Portland Maine as well . Thank you all who suffered through this book. I am in much pain throughout this . I've never dealt with an addict before .