An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Boyfriend is an opiate addict : oxycotin

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by Drug free world, Nov 3, 2016.

  1. Hey everyone , I hoping for some support and advise . Please stay with me as this is my full story, so far anyway. My boyfriend is an addict , oxy is his drug of choice . The story I've gotten is he's been addicted since a bad accident at 17 yrs old when doctors had him on liquid oxycotin cause his mouth was wired shut . Then another accident after that few years later on a pill form , no plan either time to get him off it . That story came from his mother so I believe it. His mother had no idea till several years later that he had never stopped taking them. Well, he's now 37 and I'm a few months but full heart into this relationship . I fell for him very fast and very hard . He is the most incredible man to me with the way his love makes me feel (minus the addiction flaws) he's so tendering , kind , very playful (he will chase me around the room, toss me on the bed, tickle me sweet fun stuff like that . He makes me laugh :) His words are kind and loving , his touch , everything about him is so perfect . . . Except he's an addict .

    The moment I realized I was in love with him was when he overdosed . This was just a few weeks into this not even knowing about the drugs (someone had told me he used to do them but I didn't really think he did but of course it was in the back if my mind ) so there we are having a conversation he's standing up talking to me im sitting and he starts "nodding off" I laughed and said let's go to bed . We lay down he immediately was out. He starts breathing weird, I start shaking him, he wouldn't wake up, im slapping him, screaming at him, nothing so I called 911 he stopped breathing a few short times everytime I'd slap him he'd start breathing again , I had to toss him on the floor per 911 dispatch it didn't wake him . Finally the med crew got there I was a frantic mess screaming the whole time as soon as they walked in the room to him he flung himself up and said "baby what's wrong ! " he had no idea what had even happened ! ! I thought I had lost him I was absolutely devastated that was the most God awful moment of my life ! No I live in fear of this day every . . Single. . Day. He had told me after that night that he was never going to use again . I believed him . He lied. I you'd him I was going to leave if he didn't got to rehab that I loved him to much to stand there watching him kill him self and me not do anything about it. He finally just got out of rehab a few weeks ago . . I was so proud of him , I had so much hope so much faith he was found so great . And he's using again . I left him last night over this because he was "nodding off" while talking to me on the Oh one last night . He's begging and pleading for me to stay keeps saying "please I love you stay and don't let me go " " don't let me go" all I keep saying is I'm sick of the lies , that he is hurting me too , that I know this is hard to beat but honesty is easy that if he wants to keep me he has to tell me the truth about it all that he has to let me into his world and let me help that he can't do this alone but I won't take you back unless you are truly ready to be open and honest with me . And" don't let me go please hold on is what I keep getting ". Do you think that means he's saying he needs the help but is scared to fully take it ? That's how I'm reading that . I know he loves me . I know he is a great man , I know for a fact he wants to get clean he was so super excited about it all these plans he had to better himself to fix his life . He had it all figured out he just had to put on foot in front of the other on day at a time . And all it took was one time to get back to ground zero :( please please help me any information you can provide . If anyone knows of free or very low cost rehabs near Portland Maine as well . Thank you all who suffered through this book. I am in much pain throughout this . I've never dealt with an addict before .
    ToKenbetrue likes this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Drug free world...

    I responded to your post in another thread. I'm copying and pasting that response here as well. Here it is:

    @Drug free world... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing so openly with us. I'm sorry that you're experiencing what you are with your boyfriend, but I'm glad you found us and reached out. There's no doubt that loving an addict is one of the most challenging things anybody can do in life. Addiction is a family disease, and it greatly affects everyone who loves the addict.

    The most important piece of advice I can give you is this: Take care of yourself first. This might sound backwards and selfish, but it isn't. You know what they tell you on an airplane before you take off? In the event of an emergency, put your own oxygen mask on first, then help other people. Because you have to be at your best before you help someone else. If you don't, everyone will suffer.

    Addiction is the same way. You have to be at your best physically and emotionally in order to deal with your loved one's issues. Plus, you deserve to be at your best physically and emotionally. You can't allow yourself to become addicted to your boyfriend's addiction; if you do, you'll both end up going down the same rabbit hole.

    There's an amazing book out there called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. I suggest you pick up a copy ASAP and read it. It's written specifically for partners/loved ones of addicts and it's full of incredibly helpful information. Not only about how to deal with your loved one's issues, but about how to take care of YOU, too.

    I also suggest that you find a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting in your area and attend it. (My wife and I prefer Al-Anon.) Being around others who know exactly what you're going through/feeling can be super helpful and comforting.

    As far whether or not your boyfriend means what he says about wanting help but being's hard to say. Addicts are great manipulators and liars, and they will very often say what they think you want to hear just so they can string you along and keep you in their lives. I'm not saying that's what your boyfriend is doing; I'm just telling you what's very common.

    If he's serious about wanting help, be supportive and help him get over his fears. Tell him that you'll be there for him on his journey. But definitely set some boundaries. Tell him that him getting clean is a condition for your relationship to continue. And if you say it, mean it. Nothing makes an addict happier than someone who sets boundaries or ultimatums and doesn't follow through on them. It's then that they know they have you in the palm of their hand.

    You may want to check out the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's (SAMHSA) website. They have a Treatment Locator tool that can help you find treatment facilities near you that offer no cost/low cost treatment, or that offer payment assistance based on how much you can afford to pay.

    I did a search for the Portland, Maine area and here's a link to what came up. (Click on the "More Information" link for each facility to see if what their costs/payment policies are.)

    SAMHSA Treatment Locator Results for Portland, Maine

    You are not alone, my friend. There are so many people who have been where you are, or who are where you are now. Addiction affects so many people. Just know that we are here to help and support you however we can. You can always come here to lean on us, ask for advice, or just to vent. That's why we're here.

    I will keep you and your boyfriend in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending you lots of positive vibes and hugs full of hope. Your boyfriend can beat his addiction if he wants to. And you can help him through it. But remember: If he doesn't want it, it doesn't matter how much you want it. Like Al-Anon teaches...You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. It's up to him.

    Feel free to reach out via private message if you want to. Or just come back and post here whenever you feel like it. I have never dealt with a partner's addiction, but my son has battled addiction for more than 10 years and I have a pretty good idea of what you're going through.

    Love and light to you.

    ToKenbetrue likes this.
  3. Cheyrose22

    Cheyrose22 Member

    Im going through this exact same thing with my fiance. Except hes in a detox program right now. This is by far the hardest thing ive been through . I hope yoi find him somewhere. Depending on your state there is alot of county funded programs he can go to. Just call around. Good luck
    deanokat likes this.
  4. ToKenbetrue

    ToKenbetrue Member

  5. ToKenbetrue

    ToKenbetrue Member

    Very true words, I'm an addict and we are very good liares and manipulaters, l feel really bad for what I've put my wife through. I was in recovery from coke when we married. Then relapsed, then fell and broke a hip and the pain pills started. Now 10 years later I'm on suboxone ,I hope and pray I get it right this time. For myself and my wife. If my wife would havery done to me what I've done to her I'm sure I would have left her. So set those barriers and mean them, if not he will run all over you. You have to love yourself first in order to love him. But he has to truly want help. And I don't buy that he's scard to get help. When the pain't gets great enough we run to the help. I am most embarrassed for others to know of my addiction, but the way I was living I couldn't take anymore. So no fear in getting help, I'll take it from any where or anyone now.
    deanokat likes this.