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Brain damage

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by radjan, May 21, 2018.

  1. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    Wows, giving your first few posts on this thread I figured you were just here to offer support as any addict knows helping others helps yourself too
    Just goes to show that I shouldn't ever assume what others are dealing with. I can feel for you here as I had been through a rough time in probably the most influential-as far as actually working-rehab I've been through in late2012. I went through this rehab center for my son I was just getting to a point in my life where I was seeing light at the end of the tunnel, I was engaged with a baby and was going sometimes days without using,big deal for me, but we both knew that something was wrong and we were both using. Her,way less than me, or so I thought.
    Fast forward to me getting out of rehab and us going to thanksgiving dinner with her side of the family.. As far as I know she had quit everything completely although I suspected she still smoked pot, I was gonna let that slide though. I'm in methadone treatment,don't drink and we both had great jobs and even relocated to Colorado for me to get a better position. So I'm sitting there eating and imagine my surprise when her mother blurted out "sucks you lost your job" to her daughter. I tried not to act surprised and was doing good until her mother says "I told you I would pee for you".
    Ok now I'm mad and say so. I told her that I suspected her of still smoking but she should have told me. Her mom pipes up her big mouth again and says"I wish it was pot my girl has big problems"....
    Long story short I am now off street drugs only to find out my gf and sons mom has been using meth while I was in the rehab SHE TOLD ME TO GO TO!!
    She had dropped an elderly woman in the hospital she worked at due to fatigue and the woman broke her hip.
    She's being sued I'm pi**ed every day and start drinking which I don't even like doing and we spiral toward hatred of each other.
    Now I raise my son alone after my parents had him due to a four year relapse on heroin.
    If I could do it all over again and I would, I would be so much more forgiving because I lie alot when I'm using. The number one lie being that I'm not using!!
    I'm not in any way at all saying that you lie or have ever been dishonest, I was just sharing my experience with a using partner and I know it can be life changing. Don't want to keep rambling on but I'm here for you. God bless you both.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Me at bluff... We're all here to help and support you however we can. Thanks for coming here and sharing with us. I wish you nothing but the best of luck with your recovery. And I hope your boyfriend can find his way back to the right path, too. Happy you found this thread helpful, too!
  3. Me at bluff

    Me at bluff Member

    I'm sorry to say not good. Had a great day with the people I work with. Bad phone call with the boyfriend in treatment. Going to outpatient to see a therapist tomorrow and group and get my head around this situation. I have to have the right reasons to stay with this guy.
  4. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    I hope you're able to find the answers that you are seeking and come to peace with this situation. We're always here.
  5. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Me at bluff You know i read story after story on here and am starting to actually graspe the fact that though we are all the same (addicts) we are also very different.I read sadness,pain,shame,guilt,confusion,regret,misery,depression,self loathing,hopelessness,remorse,agony,loneliness,empathy,etc and though not everyone mentions these all im willing to bet nearly all of us can identify with them all,some see it sooner other's not so much.The reason i wrote them all down is simple as addicts in relationships especially with other addicts we have to acknowledge and completely understand we live by different rules,as an active user we consume our lives with one thing above everything else,we worry about the next fix nothing else that's just how it is once the threshold of addiction is broken we either consume our lives chasing the next fix or we get past active use and then consume ourlives avoiding the next fix.Either way once that threshold is broken it absolutely comes down to one or the other and either way we are consumed,i must say my hat's off to your boyfriend as i believe he understands that or he would not have chosen rehab.The sad reality is many addicts will at some point relapse but only those who understand it's one or the other for the rest of our lives who willingly choose to fight for sobriety and that strength usually means whom ever they have effected besides themselves must in some way be very important to the individual,and anger is the number one internal emotion that the recovering addict is going to express at least it was for myself so honestly im assuming it's anger and at least for myself i was-am very mad at ME not who i may accidentally direct it to.Yes absolutely work on YOU but don't let your feeling ever push toward Judgement as that particular feeling is one that destroys worse than most,no addict should ever judge another and if they get to that point i recommend you sit down and try to recall all the shi× you did and said while wrapped in the comfort of denial.Stay Strong and God Bless Take Care
  6. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Me at bluff... I'm sorry to hear you're not doing so good. I think going to see a therapist today is a great idea. I know it's not easy, but try not to let your mood and happiness hinge on your boyfriend. When we give someone that power, we are very often let down. Practice some self-care today, okay? You deserve it! YOUR life matters, too! Never forget that!
    True concern likes this.
  7. Me at bluff

    Me at bluff Member

    Thanks for the support. I think the crux of this problem is my boyfriend is not dialing in at rehab. This is not my opinion but those he is working with. I have a painful journey ahead of waiting to see if he grasps on to the help offered him or skating through the program. If he chooses the easier path it will be without me. That will break my heart. To me, it's all very serious and basically deadly. I am definitely not the same girl that signed on to this site only a day or so ago.
  8. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I agree this is no joke addiction is a very serious situation.I read I'm not the same girl that signed onto this site a day ago.I'm trying to understand what you mean by that but am struggling to understand,the only thing i can think of is maybe you feel more informed but i can't be sure,anyways i hope it all work's out for you both.Stay Strong and God Bless
  9. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Me at bluff one thing about life is it just doesn't go as planned sometimes, and another is we will always have opportunity for growth...and expansion...

    so glad this thread helped you out some. know that we are here to lend an ear anytime!
  10. Me at bluff

    Me at bluff Member

    Life changes so fast is all I guess I was saying. I typed in to drugabuse.com to get some information and lend support after reading some threads. I now find myself the one in need of a lot of support.
  11. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Stay honest and i-we will try and do our best.Stay Strong and God Bless
  12. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    We will give you all of the support we possibly can, @Me at bluff. And if your boyfriend is not buying into the program at rehab, that will definitely be a hinderance for him. Just remember what Al-Anon and Nar-Anon teach us about a loved one's addiction: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Your boyfriend is the only person who can decide to make changes in his life. It doesn't matter how much you or anyone else wants him to change. If he doesn't want it, it's not gonna happen. You can't want it more than him.

    Big hugs being sent your way.
    Dominica likes this.
  13. Me at bluff

    Me at bluff Member

    I had a 4 way phone call with my therapist, his therapist and my boyfriend and it was helpful. It is so hard to wait and see if a person will engage and how we perceive that effort. I guess I mean that we are all different and his recovery might look a whole lot different than mine. I have been blessed to go to a couple of very good treatment facilities so I learned what surrendering looks like to me. He has not, so this is his first time with a therapist, good participating groups and a psychiatrist. So I have to let him pick his own path to recovery. Hopefully it leads to our future together. Thanks for the big hugs!
  14. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Me at bluff awesome that you had that call...and that he is willing to go to therapy now. and also great that you are looking at this situation in a healthy way....covering all your bases so-to-speak. i do hope he will be able to grow in many ways and experience freedom and a better life....

    keep us posted!
    Me at bluff likes this.
  15. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    You're right, @Me at bluff. Everyone's path to recovery is different. It would be so much easier if one thing worked for everybody, wouldn't it? Just try to be encouraging and supportive. Hopefully he will make progress. Also, it's terrific that you were able to do that 4-way call. Maybe that meeting of the minds will help the ball start rolling in the right direction.

    Sending you lots of hope, my friend!
  16. Me at bluff

    Me at bluff Member

    We have found his frequency!!! Just talked to him and it was great! Lots of work left to do for both of us but I think there is nothing but hope.
    deanokat likes this.
  17. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    So awesome to read this, @Me at bluff! I will pray for continued progress and hope!

    Sending you love and light today. :)
  18. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Me at bluff yay! that's wonderful!!

    thank you for the update! know that we are here anytime for you.... :)
  19. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Hope things are going okay for you and your boyfriend, @Me at bluff. Happy Friday!
  20. radjan

    radjan Member

    When I was in a bad period, my doctor print ou 15 prescription for ritalin 30 mg and dormonoct but ask me for 5 euros, i still dont understand his behaviour, what do you think about it ?
    I precise that i'm in france and not in us