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Broken marriages is a factor

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by jeremy2, Oct 30, 2014.

  1. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    It is a fact that most married men will head directly into the nearest pub after work to consume drinks after a hard day at work. While the majority will feign relaxation as the main reason for being there, the truth is that they are avoiding to go home to their spouses or 'nagging wives' as most will attest to. Broken marriages are making most men to turn to alcohol as they would rather spend time in bars than face off with their spouses.And as a result, most are drinking themselves into an early grave.
  2. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    I mean, I wouldn't necessarily say that it's a fact that married men spend more time at the pub or bar than with their wives. Alcohol does ruin countless marriages, but it goes both ways with respect to gender. When married couples experience strife, not all couples will deal with the issues at hand. Instead they'll turn to something like alcohol or adultery in order to cope with the issues (by not dealing with the issues at all). It's not a good situation all around.
  3. KNH

    KNH Active Contributor

    I agree it goes both ways.
    Obviously, avoiding the marital issues and going to get drunk isn't any kind of remedy for the situation but unfortunately it's what many people - women and men - do to "get away". Oh, and trust me, there are plenty of "nagging" husbands out there too ;)
  4. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    I can relate to this thread!!! The minute I started having problems with the wife, I would sing to the bottle. It was an escape to the crap I had to put up with at home. That's how bad life gets sometimes. You would rather put yourself in so much physical pain with alcohol then to go home with the one person that makes you utterly miserable.
  5. Allen24

    Allen24 Active Contributor

    Agree with KNH. Both men and women seek out a way to vent their frustrations with a husband or wife. I don't believe it is something only men deal with.

    Unfortunately this method is only a temporary bandaid. Those having marital issues should confront them and try to start resolving them rather than turning to alcohol to ignore the situation.
  6. Juan

    Juan Active Contributor

    I think it goes both ways. However, it does seem like an usual "male" thing to go out and have a few drinks to vent frustration for, well, anything. Also, it doesn't help that in our society it seems "normal" that husbands complain about their wives. So, yes, you're going to have a lot of people at the bar complaining about their wives/girlfriends.

    It's funny, everytime I see a man drinking and complaining about his woman, I'm reminded of the song "The Happiest Days of Our Lives" from Pink Floyd's "The Wall", when it says:

    "...but in the town it was well known when they got home at night, their fat and psycopathic wives would thrash them within inches of their lives..."

    Now, in this day and age, you can either seek counsel as a couple, get therapy or get a divorce. Having a lousy marriage is not an excuse for turning into alcoholism.
  7. Ronsa

    Ronsa Active Contributor

    I agree that broken marriage is a factor for alcohol. Going to have a drink at the bar is common when one want to escape from going home. However, it just makes the matters worse. There is no action done to salvage the marriage and expose oneself to get addicted to alcohols.
  8. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    It's not the conflict in marriage that drives men to drink. It's the drinking problem that creates strife in the home. You see someone just can't start drinking because he's cross with his wife. It's his drinking and failure to fulfill his responsibilities as a married man that will annoy his wife [makes her nag him to change or else . . . ] and to cope with that maybe he'd start drinking more.
  9. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I think it depends on the country.
    It is because in here, alcoholics are usually not going in the pub but rather drinking on the streets or near their houses cause they are mostly jobless or without permanent work . Those who go the the pub or bar are usually those with work and just like to drink and relax. Their marriages are broken because of too much drinking and not being a good provider.
  10. StillFighting

    StillFighting Member

    My ex-husband brought the pub to our house! It started out with him just drinking a lot of beer because he was stressed about work mostly, then this more frequent drinking caused me to nag at him about the drinking. It became really bad when he traveled for work and would spend a lot of time in hotels. He spent a lot of time drinking and socializing in the hotel bars. When I found out about this and saw the hotel bills, I increased my nagging about the drinking. It was a never-ending cycle. He and I had other issues, but the alcoholism is what ultimately broke our marriage for good. But that didn't stop his drinking. Instead, he was now lonely and depressed over his lost marriage and family, that he drank more and lost more. I think that is the major problem with alcoholism: You might start drinking excessively because of a stressor like a broken marriage, but it ultimately creates many more problems and stressors that further the out-of-control drinking.
  11. KRDG1

    KRDG1 Member

    I certainly wouldn't say that poor marriages lead to alcoholism but rather the other way around, alcoholism leads to a broken marriage. Alcohol is not the ONLY way to relax. If stress is a problem then work out, take a run, do yoga, play with your children, etc. Things within a marriage will NEVER get better when one person is avoiding the problems and therefore, not willing to put in the work necessary to make the marriage stronger. Any relationship worth having will only last if BOTH parties are willing to continually work to make it stronger.
  12. kevinkimers

    kevinkimers Community Champion

    I know that alcohol made my parents marriage poor, but there are some other factors involved in there. Being raised on a military base I noticed that a lot of officers would go to the officers clubs after work and would have drinks. These men though met because they were trying to gain information from another for various reasons. A lot of workers do the same in bars and pubs. They meet fellow workers in the bar and pubs and talk about things. So I don't believe the idea that they go to avoid their wives. I believe they go for the companionship as well as to gain information to advance in their areas. The unfortunate side effect is that some become addicted to drinking over time, but most do not.
  13. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I wouldn't blame the wives entirely, nor the alcohol. We're talking about grown men here. They are not 10 year old kids who don't have a choice but to believe and obey, they have minds of their own to solve problems the way they want to, and if this is their choice then it is their fault for choosing poorly.
  14. KRDG1

    KRDG1 Member

    I certainly agree with Charli ... this is a choice. Often times we forget to see addiction as a choice but rather an illness. Either way you look at it, illness or choice, the person has to choose recovery and help in order to better their life and grow as a person.
  15. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Okay let us say this claim of husbands drinking to avoid going home to the wives is supported by studies, what does that speak of men? I'm so happy then that my husband does not belong to this type of men. Lol! Or maybe because I'm not a nagging wife to which my husband will disagree. Lol! Seriously, it's just that husband and wife should talk when something is wrong in the relationship. The alcohol will just make things worse. I hope men realize that.

    If a spouse seeks temporary relief like alcohol and does that every single time there's a rift, it sure will break the marriage in the long run. Drinking can even be the root of the problem. How can you even think straight if you are drunk?
  16. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    I wonder why there is so much nagging in marriages in general? Men nag just as much as women. Are people's expectations too high? I think trying to communicate more with each other would be the first step towards eliminating much of the nagging. Reaching for alcohol to "block out" the other party indicates to me that things have gone a little too far and need some serious mending.
  17. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Yes amethyst, that's one factor that causes a couple to nag and constantly bicker at each other - high expectations that lead to disillusionment. If both parties can compromise because they are willing to, then everything would have been settled with a sensible heart-to-heart talk. But if husbands drink instead, how can that be possible? Perhaps the drinking comes after a lot of attempts to talk. But other more viable options can be done like talking to a trusted and more experienced family or friend or perhaps a marriage counselor. I don't know it is difficult to judge when you do not know the couple or even if you know but you don't really know what's going on in their marriage. But saving a marriage or any relationship is a choice that both sides have to make. If the choice is there, it will come easy.

    Alcohol is never a solution. Yes, I accept that it can be a reaction to a bad marriage like a nagging wife. But hey, it is still not justifiable to drink. In fact, it just goes to show how things go on in the marriage. It is sad.
  18. TXgirlNCworld

    TXgirlNCworld Member

    I think it is very bold to say Broken Marriages are leading men to bars...what kind of men? Weak men? And what kind of wife? YOU WILL FIND NO ANSWERS AT THE BOTTOM OF THAT GLASS! Go home and communicate. This post is a little interesting because both sides are responsible, whether it is nagging in your eyes or if she is just trying to get a point across to you, blaming a drinking issue on a broken marriage.....it is like the first sign of addiction. I do not think broken marriages lead men to drink their lives away at bars, I believe broken and weak men who need help use that as an excuse to drink. I hope this man does not have kids or anyone else counting on him to come home after the bar. I'll say it again, it was very bold to say broken marriages lead men to a bar.
    Adrianna likes this.
  19. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I'm glad you agree. I also agree with you that even if addiction or alcoholism is not a choice for some people because some of us just are more susceptible to fall into it, the ability to recover and to live a good life is still a choice that is made by everyone and not recovering addicts alone. Everyone has problems, and to blame everything but yourself is just immature and ignorant.
  20. MissLisa

    MissLisa Member

    I don't know about most married men, but my husband couldn't get home fast enough after work! I guess there are some men who may not want to go home after work, but I'm glad that I never experienced that.
    Adrianna likes this.