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Can a friend do a better job helping a child rather than a parent?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by JoanMcWench, Feb 17, 2015.

  1. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    Sometimes parents hurt the problem more than they help it unfortunately. It depends on the parent and their relationship with the child. If you push them too hard, they'll just rebel even more.
  2. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    We all have the responsibility to make sure that our societies are drug free. You may advice your friends, your aunties or uncles and anybody who may need your help. Even teachers have a role in making sure that his students do not use drugs, so it should not be only for the parents to give advice.
  3. smartmom

    smartmom Senior Contributor

    I believe this to be true. Sometimes they will listen to someone else before they listen to us. Some of them won't listen to anyone. I think that they feel that we are just on their cases all the time. They feel that we are out to get them or something. if only they know that their best interest is what concerns us.
  4. Smileyblue13

    Smileyblue13 Member

    I think peer pressure is one of the strongest things that get good people to try bad things. These days the peer pressure isn't coming just from kids they go to school with; there's pressure coming from music, TV, and movies. It's easy for kids to get pressured into this just from what's all around them in their everyday life.

    I think the strongest way to combat this society is to educate more and more. Schools can only do so much, be involved with their education, even if it makes you the "loser" or "annoying" parent. Then, if they don't listen, bring down heavy discipline. Take away everything electronic. Spank them a couple times if you have to. My mom reminds me every time that i see her: you're never too old for a spanking.
  5. Jamesbonner

    Jamesbonner Active Contributor

    Yeah I think that a friend can help better than familly, because the child can't tell everything he think about to his parents, there will be a limits, in the other side, he can talk about every thing with his friend so the last one can help him in the best ways.
  6. Jasmine2015

    Jasmine2015 Community Champion

    I think in situations like these, it's more important than ever that parents take charge. Parents just need to remember that they too used to be children. I sometimes wonder if all your childhood memories gets thrown out the window when dealing with your child and seeing the child not respond in a positive way.

    Children need to know that the people who care for them are not just people who they can hang with, but people who will tell you you're wrong even when you don't want to hear it. They are not just your " yes men". They are people who will pick you up when you have dug a hole for your self.

    Within this instance I would have the child see that my intent is to help more than punish since children view adults, especially parents as authority figures.
  7. Whiskers

    Whiskers Active Contributor

    Friends might be of better help to a child than parents at times. Kids like to listen to their friends and would rather hear from them than their parents. This would be a good strategy to lure one out of the habit. I am sure they would like it more.
  8. sonia11

    sonia11 Senior Contributor

    A lot of times kids trust a friend more than a parent, so the friend may have more influence. If the parent and child have a strained relationship, they may be blocking the parent out entirely. Friends who care about each other to do everything they can to help if there's an addiction going on, even if they have to "betray" the friend by acting as an agent from the parent.
  9. light

    light Active Contributor

    You should be very careful when speaking with your child’s friends because they may tell everything you said to them to your child and then you lose the most difficult battle. The point is that besides loving and taking care of your child you must win his trust. When it comes to facing an addiction problem then saying is easier than acting but you must speak with your child about the consequences of becoming an addict. It would be good to engage them more in creative activities and get to know secretly everything they do and be very careful.
  10. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Errr, I am not sure, because if the friends of said child are as immature and young as the child, I doubt they can fully understand how serious something like this truly is. So odds are they don't take this serious at all, and will end up not being helpful at all. I mean, I'd not trust my children's friends to help me with an issue as important as this even if they were in the age to go to college... people that age don't really see things the way grown up adults do.
  11. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Yes I think this can be a good idea. Sad that they can't handle it themselves but whatever works. I guess people when they feel hopeless look for others to come to their side.
    Someone with good intentions preferable and that they know what they are doing. Most of the time it more than like is that the parents created an environment that caused it. I'm not saying they brought the drugs in, but certain things said or how they made the kid feel. People don't realize even in life their actions and words affect what other people do. Like with kids saying they are always a problem. They are so difficult. They didn't just pop out that way you played a part in it. They are innocent when they are born. They grow up around the parents and begin to form who they are because of their parents. It is so important.
  12. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    Let's face it, kids are more open to their friends than to their parents. So, they would seek help from their friends rather than go to their parents. I think parents working with their child's friends is one good way of helping their kid. And, I guess the best approach to this is earn the trust of the kid who is in trouble, and then seek professional help. Parents need guidance too. Sometimes, they themselves do not know what to do in this kind of situation.
  13. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    Sometimes, for the child, they don't feel safe coming to a parent. Especially when they know that a parent is going to overreact and not get the child the help that they desperately need to become sober again, they're better off going to someone else. I do think that going to an adult rather than a friend who is also the same age would be better because an adult will know of more resources and ways to help, but of course if they're a minor the parents need to become involved to some level.
  14. myia714

    myia714 Member

    Showing love and compassion toward a child that abuses drugs is a necessity. However, the parents alone might not be able to get through to their kids. They need a big support system. This includes parents, close friends, family members, and counselors. Gaining an outside support system is a good way to get through to them for kids that don't listen to their parents. Everyone is different and some kids do listen to their parents but they should have a broad support system from all around.
  15. hwarren

    hwarren Member

    Sometimes a parent can be too closely involved, pushy and too worried to offer any helpful support. For the person recovering they need a calm collected person who will offer support rather than arguments. It's a difficult topic but it also depends on each individual and their family and friends as well.
  16. hwarren

    hwarren Member

    I agree with this. I couldn't have put it better myself :)
  17. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    As for me, I also find it really hard to open up to my parents, specially to my father. I am just afraid of showing them my negative side, and disappointing them in the end. I actually prefer talking to my best friends whenever I have problems. They always make me feel so much better. My parents are my inspiration in this life, but it's just difficult for me to share to them my thoughts, and feelings.
  18. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    I'm convinced that look at all help possible is not never too much, and if a parent can get friends lending a helping hand to get a child out of addiction, then welcome their support to achieve this.

    However we must be certain those friends are going to help; many times they pretend to help you, but being the enablers of the addiction your child is suffering, so by "trying to help" they get rid of the nuisance that may cause your insistent claim for sober living.
  19. tyannaaa_

    tyannaaa_ Member

    It can be a tough blow for a parent to realize that their child is addicted to a drug because they may feel like failures. Sometimes, the parents get so stressed out they cannot handle helping the child on their own. I do feel that help from other friends and family members especially a professional can help to get through to the child.
  20. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Yeah of course this is a good idea. Unfortunately the parent is more than likely part of the problem. Can't possibly think that a child just starts to grow up and wander off looking for drugs or addiction. I'm going to say the parents probably did some seriously derogatory things to the child to cause it. Demeaning, degrading, alienating, threatening or whatever. Telling a child what to do and trying to control the every move is an obvious environment for rebellion. Some people are so brainwashed they don't even realize the damage they do to a child. Then she they realize there is an addiction problem they sit there and blame the kid. Its just kind of elementary to me. Love, kindness, encouragement and a healthy environment will be that which creates a healthy child. The famous one I hear was this woman say "no I don't want to be her friend." This was just before the kid got arrested. I'm thinking to myself how cold is that? Being their parent is obvious, but why not want to be their friend? This is where the problem lies. Thinking that the position is dictator or warden.
    So, hence, bringing in a friend to help you with your own child. They are at their wits end, what will I do with this horrible kid of mine. If some people would just take a look at themselves a little more deeply. Learn and grow as a person. They wouldn't need a friend to help them with their child, that's grown. They wouldn't be at their wits end. More than likely the reason the child is on drugs is that they didn't get enough love or good attention. Too much attention to bad behavior. Right, isn't that what this is about? Now they are getting attention. Now she's paying attention to me. Might be good to admit your not good at this and that you need help as the parent. Appologize, don't just pass it off to a friend, be involved. Show you care.