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Can I stop my boyfriend smoking?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by Elizabetonth, Feb 13, 2016.

  1. Elizabetonth

    Elizabetonth Member

    My boyfriend smokes, and has done for at least fifteen years. It's possibly hypocritical of me, because I'm much more prone to addictive behaviour than he is, but I wish I could find a way to help him to stop. I tried telling him I wouldn't kiss him if he smoked, because that had worked for the parents of a friend of mine. I even put it into practice, but it didn't really help. He just got more careful about brushing his teeth. He has an eight year old daughter, and he doesn't want her to know that he smokes, so I've tried appealing to that, appealing to our relationship, talking about the health of it, none of it's worked. He doesn't ever smoke in front of his daughter. Before we dated, we were friends, and he'd smoke in front of me, but as soon as he knew I wasn't a fan of smoking, and particularly once we started dating, he stopped. It's been just over a year now, and he smokes when he goes to work, or is driving, but not at home or in front of me. I know that he's the one who has to make the decision. He talks about how he doesn't like smoking, though, and how he thinks it's a bad thing, and about how he wishes he didn't do it. Is there anything I can do to help him make the decision? What's the best way to help him carry on without it if he does make the decision?
    bhu likes this.
  2. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    You should continue advising him about the risks associated with smoking. Don't be harsh on him. Talk to him politely and I am sure that he will one day stop smoking. You can also get for him relevant materials to read. Also consider getting him videos that can motivate him. Ask him if he can reduce the number of cigarettes that he smokes daily. This can also help him quit smoking, gradually.
    Elizabetonth likes this.
  3. Vinaya

    Vinaya Community Champion

    It depends on whether your boyfriend is willing to listen to you or not. If he is willing to listen to you can stop him from smoking. The best way to quit smoking is cold turkey. Ask him to throw away cigarette today and when ever he has a desire to smoke, divert his mind
    Elizabetonth likes this.
  4. Elizabetonth

    Elizabetonth Member

    Thank you so much for your responses. I'll definitely try the things you advised. I'm trying to give up sugar at the moment, as I eat it compulsively, so I'm going to ask him if he'd like to try quitting smoking at the same time.

    @6up, thank you for the methods you suggested. I'll give all of them a go! Are there any videos that you've found particularly motivating?

    @Vinaya, thank you for your post, as well. It's good to hear that. The problem is that he usually smokes when I'm not there. This is a nice thing of him to do, because it's due to the fact that he knows I mind it, but it also means that it's difficult for me to be there and take his mind off cigarettes when he's about to smoke. Do you know of anything I could do to help him overcome a craving when he's just on his own/at work?
  5. Droz

    Droz Member

    Smoking, like many addictions, is tough to quit. Research has shown that approximately 90% of people who quit smoking attempt to do it cold turkey; however, only about 4% to 7% succeed by this method alone. The best recipe for success is a combination of treatments, such as nicotine replacement and behavioral therapy.

    Nicotine replacement includes patches, gum, inhalers, and other substitutions. Behavioral therapy involves building a strategic plan with the help of a medical professional to replace the cravings of nicotine with other positive emotions or responses.
  6. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    Whatever you do, be supportive and loving and not a nag! You could damage or even cause your relationship to end. You entered into the relationship knowing he smoked.

    We cannot change others or try to force them to change. We can only control ourselves. Only when he is ready to stop will he be able to successfully quit smoking. You can suggest he stop with you, but don't be upset with him if it doesn't work for him. It will help to be a good example in stopping your addictions.
    Elizabetonth likes this.
  7. But still, slow and steady wins the race. Slowly and steadily your boyfriend can reduce smoking.
    And yes, what Momma said, have a look on that.
    Elizabetonth likes this.
  8. Elizabetonth

    Elizabetonth Member

  9. GenaJade

    GenaJade Member

    My fiance is a recovering heroin addict and if I've learned anything, it's they won't quit until they are ready. He's doing good, but still craves it so it's a long battle that is sure to get longer. I think if you show him that you still love him and are not judging him, but want him to stop for his own health it might go over a bit smoother. If you tell him things like you're not going to do this or that if he does his choice of drug, then you are giving him a pretty rough ultimatum. Granted, I did give my fiance a choice, me or the drug, but ultimately I knew I'd still stay by his side and he knew it too. I think as long as you do it with love, care, and concern, he'll see it's best if he quits. Love him, that's the best advice I can give you.
  10. bhu

    bhu Active Contributor

    I wish I had a solution to offer you. I've had too many smoking relationships, one of them twice. They ditched their butts in my yards. One smoked in front of me when I was pregnant. That one even made me late to my checkup because their addiction demanded that I stop so they could get cigarettes. They stayed outside in the truck during my checkups, so they could smoke, rather than see our baby. I brought a note home from my doctor to get them to smoke outside. That didn't last. They lit up in front of me at their mother's house while we were visiting, saying the baby hadn't developed lungs yet. Then I miscarried - alone. No amount of pleading or aligning with what's near and dear to them will accomplish the desired result. Like you said, it's gotta be their choice.
  11. innaf39

    innaf39 Member

    To stop someone from smoking can be hard, because it is not their decision, it is yours.

    Of course if you sit down and talk with them and try to work on the problem together, is the perfect way of handling things. I am just saying that as much as you want to help to someone, maybe you need their approval too.
  12. Marylove

    Marylove Member

    What I must say is that you have to persevere, and be consistent. So what kind of person is he? Is he the type that listens to loving and quiet talk, like does he like being cajoled to do or not to do something? If so carefully and patiently follow that route. But if he's the kind of person that is moved by a tough and compelling talk (not rude or insultive, just tough), then sit him down and give him that talk.
    When he finally makes the decision, you can actually start by flushing the nicotine out of his system. I had a friend who smokes, but reduced badly after following this step, and I think he did that a couple of times before he stopped. Apart from that, manually control his smoking by engaging him when he has the urge to.
  13. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Right that never stop advising him to quit smoking. It will be not that easy to made him stop as he was been smoking for fifteen years but it is still possible. He needs to have that willingness and motivation to totally stop the bad habit.