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Changing Our Friends!

Discussion in 'Other Recovery Support Groups' started by Daniel Lucky, Oct 13, 2014.

  1. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    I agree that we should surround ourselves with like minded individuals who share in our beliefs and are willing to walk with us on that positive journey that we have chosen.Friends who resonate positive influences in our lives are indeed an added plus and we should endeavor to have them close to us constantly.
  2. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    This is one of the most common things I hear about when talking to addicts. You establish these relationships, and you don't want to change them, because it can be hard finding new ones, and you may genuinely care for some of these people. However, you have to realize what is best for you, and being around the same triggers and people is not going to work most of the time. CHANGE requires CHANGE. It's that simple, and complex.
  3. anne16

    anne16 Active Contributor

    Indeed! it may be for your own good to surround yourself with sober friends or those that will help you not to slip back into old habits. Build new connections, the ones that will support you with your recovery. Spend your time with people who understand what you are going through.
  4. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    Staying with old friends can be tricky when it comes to preventing relapse. If your friends are still "in the mix" then it's going to be hard to resist temptation. I think the best bet is going to be first spending a little bit of time getting to know the "new you" and then deciding on who is going to beneficial to your life, and who is going to cause unwanted problems when it comes to your recovery.
  5. Carmilla

    Carmilla Active Contributor

    It's hard to cut off friends who are a bad influence. But sometimes you have to be a little selfish and do whats right for you, instead of sticking with enablers.
  6. PrideKidd

    PrideKidd Active Contributor

    I do not want to sound like the rest of the posters on this topic but I also agree. When I first quit Meth and all of the hard drugs I was addicted to, I had to move away. The people I used to use with would constantly ask me if I still wanted to party or even offer me free drugs even knowing I was trying to get clean. I moved an hour away, deleted all of those people from social media as well as my phone contacts. When I do visit that town to see my few friends and family there I tell no one I am coming as to not put myself in harms way on purpose. I am strong enough to say no and mean it now but still who wants that temptation throw right in your face? Not I said the fly.
  7. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I agree. At the end of the day you have to look out for yourself and apart from that just being in a different phase of your life is already reason enough to move on and find some other similar minded people. Some old friends are able to understand this and cut you some slack while some don't and personally I don't think those who don't understand it are worth the effort anyway.
    Nick W. likes this.
  8. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    I think it's hard to cut those friends because it's supposed to be. Change is hard. Recovery is hard. So it only makes sense that you have to make hard choices in order to really get to the point where you need to be. However, I think that it does not have to be a "forever" type of situation. Once you're in control and know where your own head is at, you can let certain people back into your life, but will you want to is the question?
  9. PrideKidd

    PrideKidd Active Contributor

    I still have a few friends who are clean and sober so it nice to have some old friends but I'll say for the majority I deep-sixed alot of the people I called friends, because I knew they would try to keep pulling me back down to that dark place I've worked so hard to get out of. It is not a "never" with me because I used to be there. If they are clean then I can befriend them once more. :) I just can not not hang out with addicts.
  10. xSentaru

    xSentaru Active Contributor

    I've had several friends who were addicted to smoking and drinking and whenever they needed help I'd be there for them. I remember a girl who called me in the middle of the night (we were in the same neighborhood) and asked me to come over because she was feeling lonely and depressed. We hanged out a couple of hours and then I left when she told me she was feeling better.
  11. thisizznaveen

    thisizznaveen Active Contributor

    Old Friends become important part of our life so it's difficult to ignore him or cut off him.
    But if friends have bad addiction soo it is necessary to cut off from him.
  12. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    Absolutely agree with this. I read a quote somewhere that you as a person are really a reflection of the 5 people you hang around most. While I don't think there's any 'scientific' backing to this, it does make sense that the people you spend the most time with are bound to have an impact on your thoughts, feelings and overall behavior. I've had to cut people out of my life cold turkey because of their negative behaviors or enabling - and honestly, it did help, just not having their influences around me.
  13. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    I have often found that once people have returned from rehab and they see their friends from the past, it is a trigger sometimes to make them feel weak and want to return to the life they led with those friends. After rehab a good idea is to cut out the people who were involved in your life then as you need to focus on the new you and they will only drag you down.
  14. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    Sadly, this is very true. As we move on in life, we will change our friends. One does not to need to be an addict in order to do this. We tend to outgrow or take a different life path to our friends, gradually we find ourselves spending less time with them. This is natural and is no cause for alarm.

    It may be a little sad, as we enjoyed their company at one point. But everyone is at a different a point, whether that is physically, psychologically or spiritually and sometimes we need that break from our friends in order to move on.
  15. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Right that it is hard to get rid of friends especially with relatives or childhood friends but it is sometimes really necessary. There are some who does not need to be there in your life anymore in order to make it better. Specially when you are in the recovery process. Maybe you can try going back to them and try helping them when you finally get rid of the addiction and 100 percent sure that you will not be influenced again to go back to it even by them.
  16. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    I don't really like to think of people as numbers you can subtract and add at whim. However, you can maintain a set distance from certain people without having to be hostile towards them. Should they change for the better and the air between you starts clearing up, never ignore the opportunity to mend broken ties. You just don't know when and how broken relationships start mending but time heals all wounds, that's for sure.
  17. Tallyho

    Tallyho Active Contributor

    I can't cut off the friends I know who drink, smoke, etc., because they are people I am friends with in spite of, not because of, our shared substance dependencies. They might trigger me into wanting to relapse, but they also are my main source of moral support.
  18. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    You should cut out the friends who will not support you out of you life or take a step back for a while until you are strong enough to resist the cravings to drink. In the meantime though you'd need to be around people who don't drink because you'll need support and inspiration to keep going. That's why it's always important to connect with others who've either overcome their addictions or who like you, are fighting their addictions.
  19. Tallyho

    Tallyho Active Contributor

    That balance is incredibly hard to find, Rainman. Sometimes friends are the only motivation someone can have. I know that's how it is for me. If those friends happen to drink or smoke, or whatever the vice might be, it's hard to know when to withdraw and when to stick closer than ever to keep from relapsing from lack of support.
  20. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    You should avoid your old friends who are not supportive because of your current status. Getting back to your old drug life can ruin your whole life. Look for new friends whom you can share with about moving forward, friends who talk about sports not alcohol or drugs - Friends who can accompany you to the church and not friends who want you to accompany them to the pub. That is the only way you can be sure that you are leading a good life.