Chasing recovery!

Hello everyone, I’m Cherish and I’m addicted to meth. Today is the very first day I been without it and it’s horrible. I have been very angry and miserable. I wish I never seen or heard of that drug. I just want to be myself again

Cherish111 writes>>>I just want to be myself again<<<

“Myself” was addicted and “IS” the same self that recovered 40 years ago via 12 step self-examination that showed me that my mental illness was why I became addicted. In other words, there is no duality, I’m the same person addicted or sober, it’s just that my sobriety engenders continuous growth.

From my observation over the years, the duality idea is what inhibits addicts from achieving sobriety and some die behind this duality idea.

Thank you for your response. So if I’m understanding you correctly, I am the same person I was before I started using meth, the use of meth is stopping my growth. I can see that. To be honest I don’t remember how I felt before drugs. The reason I say be “ myself again is because drugs makes me more sociable, more active with people, but also make me the most unhappy, mean, and selfish person I ever been. I wonder what I would be like without drugs forever. Today is just day one and I got a long way to go. I hope I’m making sense to you. I may be the same but my actions, how I treat life can’t be me. My use of drugs does not stem from any previous mental issues. I was introduced to drugs by a man and feel for them.

No drug can make me do something that I'm morally and ethically incapable of doing when sober. Drugs can't create something that doesn’t exist. Drugs, including alcohol lowered my inhibitions, creating false courage that bought to the surface what already existed. These were feelings of depression, anger, and resentment engendered by I don’t fit in, I’m not very smart, I'm not good looking, etc. This translates to “I’m not enough-ism” which is a major reason for addiction.

I've never known an addict that wasn't a shame based co-dependent and I've known 100's. Their addiction is the symptom (indicator) of their shame based mental illness and this includes those that are addicted to non-substance activities e.g. gambling.

I got sober attending 12 Step (self examination) recovery group meetings, i.e., NA, AA and psychotherapy.

Im currently at home, day 2 of detox and I definitely need self examination. I never looked at it my drug use from the point of view you have given and I thank you so much for you perspective. I will be attending 12 step program on Monday. I need that understanding that drugs can’t create things that doesn’t exist. That my drug of choice only brought things that exist to the front. Thank you so much for your response.

That's deep Bullwinkle .
&
True , I suppose ?

I can see your point .

Well Cherish1111.
IMO Admitting you have a problem is the first step .

I want you to know Meth was never my "Thing" as it just shut me down with extreme anxiety , & did 'Crank' only when I was Drunk , & Ice 1 time when I was W/O , Pain Pills & that was a Very Bad experience .
But
Most of my peeps loved or liked it & I've seen the destruction & legal problems it has caused , I'm no judge of Meth addicts , I just don't relate to coming off of it , never the less I know it's hard esp, those first day's or weeks .
You can stay away from it , as I stated admitting is a start & I hope you are on day 2 now , & if not Starting over today or tomorrow is 'a start' .....hmmm that sounds strange but I think you know what I'm saying .

" You can do this " is easy for me to say as I'm not in your shoes but I am on the same Addiction Boat just on a different deck so to speak .

Please do get into a program or similar if you can , it's hard during this 'C19' day's , Funny Liquor stores are open but most AA or NA meetings are closed down , this is stupid IMO .

I truly hope you can overcome this demon of a drug , heck ! I know you can as it only leads to death & misery .
I noticed yr from my state , & also know that meth is everywhere , even when the police make Huge busts , it's still here ??? I hate it , .....like I said I have seen what it's did to friends & acquaintances.

To me if this makes since .I reckon it to the end of the Movie 'Apocalypse Now' With the song 'This is the End' playing & a DARK Dreadful Feeling of Death approaching .

Anyhow please stay strong & find sober people to hang with ...& keep that ' I want to be my old-self back ' feeling in your head . I wish that I could help more , just know you are not alone in yr fight .

Hope you stick around & I am Praying for you .
Davers

Thank you Davers for the encouragement. It is day 2 for me and one hell of a day. I gonna stick around cause recovery is what I want. Although Meth makes me feel like superwoman...I’m superwoman without it. Just want to get there. Thanks again. Please keep me in your prayers.

Cherish, aside from the USA, there are recovery groups with virtual meetings i.e. Zoom, which are available all over the world and will remain an alternative to F2F meetings, as forums like this one (Drugabuse.com) where I’ve been participating for over 20 years. Virtual has some advantages over F2F or forums, there’s a private and group chat app during the Zoom meetings for non verbal communication. Where most F2F meetings don’t have child care, with Zoom meetings, parents with children can participate.

Meetings are not my recovery tools, meetings are for me to carry “MY” recovery message, that’s it. Every group member is equal, there is no hierarchy. When I was a newcomer at recovery meetings, whether abstinent / sober or not, I was carrying my message to others.

My “self-examination tools” for recovery are from the ancient tenets (Judeo-Christian), that are well over 2000 years old. I’m the ONLY one that can use these tools, no one can do it for me, including God, I must do the footwork myself !!! My observation for going on 5 decades is that the tools have the great potential to work for anyone, and not just addicts.

Heck yea !
That's the way to look at it , " your superwoman without it " & that's true as BW stated in the beginning , you stay strong now , as a Grandma would say . I wish you strength through these next few days esp & the week to come .
Or as they say "1 day at a time ".
Davers

These are words of wisdom & Life experience IMO , the Zoom thing is cool & know someone that likes that & it helps them , I'm not set up for that myself but kinda want to try it .
Again stay strong & know the Lord will not allow more stress than you can endure .
GD

I’m not faith based, I’m an atheist that attempts to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. I respect everyone’s belief, unless ones belief is injurious to others. The injuries done to others, is done to me.

First sentence is bullshit

I somewhat disagree that your statement of no drugs can make you do something that you won’t do sober. Things I did high, I would have never done sober like stay out an entire night with strangers just for a hit. I would never put myself in places where I knew I could get into way more Troy then I could imagine. I also feel that if I was sober I would never lie to my family like I did. The drug altered my mind and behavior a lot.

Cherish1111 writes>>>I somewhat disagree that your statement of no drugs can make you do something that you won’t do sober.<<<

You somewhat disagree, what does this mean?

I shared my experience and what you wrote isn’t what I wrote, you misquoted me. I wrote ”No drug can make me do something that I'm morally and ethically incapable of doing when sober. Drugs can't create something that doesn’t exist. Drugs, including alcohol lowered my inhibitions, creating false courage that bought to the surface what already existed".

Essentially, I’m the same person sober as when I was high, but sober I was less likely to act-out as when I was high. The potential to act-out anger, resentment, envy existed within me, high or not. I've been sober over 40 years, but I still at times have resentment, anger, but I'm rarely envious.

All addicts are on the mental illness spectrum, but the spectrum is wide, meaning that morally and ethically addicts are not all alike. Some addicts commit violent crimes and end-up incarcerated. This didn’t exist within me, it isn’t my make-up, morally and ethically.

The serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was an addict, high or not, his mental illness existed within him. I understand these 2 examples very well, and there are more. It’s been my experience that many addicts don’t understand this and the misunderstanding heightens their potential for being stuck in their addiction.

its okay as long as you believe in yourself you can overcome this an have a sober life. My brother have been thru this and having him in a esober is a big help for him

I hope your bother continues his esober.

If you mean, it's OK that I'm an atheist, an atheist is a non-theist, someone that believes in themselves and not in God or Gods. This is not to say that those of faith don't believe in themselves, some of my friends are faith based. Mahatma Gandhi was born Hindu, and he followed the teachings of Jesus Christ, as I attempt to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. Some Buddhists are atheist, as some Christians follow Buddhism, which in essence is enlightenment. In other words, non-theists can be spiritual, as those of faith.

I quote a part of the Spiritual Experience from the Alcoholics Anonymous text which is the forerunner for most recovery programs. In this quote, I'll capitalize what I consider the 4 most *spiritual words for my recovery, which is awareness from my inside, not my outside. Addiction for me was doing the outsides, which is superficial, by looking for the answers, from money, property and prestige.

"With few exceptions our members find that they have tapped *AN UNSUSPECTED INNER RESOURCE which they presently identify with their own conception of a Power greater than themselves. Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience. Our more religious members call it “God-consciousness.” Most emphatically we wish to say that any alcoholic capable of honestly facing his problems in the light of our experience can recover, provided he does not close his mind to all spiritual concepts. He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent denial. We find that no one need have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open mindedness are the essentials of recovery. But these are indispensable.

There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”