An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Chasing the one you love?

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by 003, Feb 7, 2015.

  1. 003

    003 Community Champion

    Is it somehow make you inspired to be back again with the one that you love, but who have left you because of your addiction. As for me, this should be enough to make inspired and strong to go through the challenges that I would have to face to straighten my life.
  2. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    I'm not sure I completely understand. However, if you're talking about someone that leaves an addict and then returns out of love, then I'd say that would be enough for the average addict to tackle their addictions head on. We don't know what we have until we've lost it, and rarely do people get back the loves they lose. A reunion that's based on love could help fuel an addict during the treatment and recovery phase.
    Winterybella likes this.
  3. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    A topic just right for the love month. ;)
    I think that it is really good to be motivated to change for the better for those we love or for our loved ones. It is because getting addicted does not only affect you but also the people around you. Specially those who truly love you.
  4. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    I believe that love knows no boundaries and no matter how deep we have fallen in the rabbit hole as a result of our addiction,we should show the same love to our affected partners as abandoning them at this hour of need may have disastrous consequences.Love can change people and we should believe in it always.
  5. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    This thread is called "chasing the one you love", so does that mean you are trying to tackle an addiction to get the person back? If so, and if that works for you, then that's great. However, even though that can serve as inspiration, I would not make that the only reason to tackle an addiction.

    I wouldn't want to be, "I'm going to get sober to get 'so and so' back" because what if the person never comes back?
    Or what if the person comes back but leaves again?
    I would not want my recovery to hinge upon the feelings, whims, and actions of another person.
    If I try to recover for the sake of a relationship, I might fall apart if the relationship fails.
    So, I would use it as inspiration, yes. But for the sole and most important reason, no.
    Rainman likes this.
  6. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I don't think it's healthy to put your willpower on someone else's shoulder. If you want to get well, you have to do it for yourself, regardless of what people feel towards you, because only then will you realize that you should and always will be the sole judge of your own self worth which I think is a better foundation for sobriety since people can always disappoint you but you can always be assured of your own behavior and thoughts.
  7. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    Well, I don't think that getting sober just to get a person back is the best thing to do. Maybe "I want to become the kind of person who would be able to bring joy and support to a partner rather than bringing them down with me; I want to recover enough to forgive myself and give myself another try at love; I want to become the sort of person my ex would be happy to talk to", they would seem a bit more adapted, I think, because in all of those cases, it's about doing it for you. Keeping love as an option, but not basing your goal or happiness on it, I think is best.
  8. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    Sometimes it takes someone leaving you, who you truly love, for you to kind of wake up and smell the coffee over the situation. It is hard for the non addict to sit and watch their loved one slowly kill themselves. It is not that the non addict does not care, but it can be painful to watch.
  9. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    I'm always firmly against using any person as an anchor. Giving up an addiction to get back someone you love[d] might be a great idea but should your plan not work what do you suppose would follow? Wouldn't you go back to using drugs since the object of your affections doesn't love you anymore?
  10. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    I agree Rainman, you should first give up your addiction for yourself. When it comes to that, you are the most important person in your world. It is a touchy subject because sometimes our lived ones leave because they can't take it anymore. Whether you are clean and sober, or revert back, there is no promise in life that any relationship is going to work out in the end so you must get sober for yourself first.
    Rainman likes this.
  11. RingoBerry

    RingoBerry Senior Contributor

    I still remember when my girlfriend gave me an ultimatum to quit smoking and drinking 5 years ago. I didn't listen because she hated it but her she was sincerely worried about my health. I simply stopped right then and there. Cigarettes and alcohol wasn't worth more than the love of my life. If a person deeply cares for you, its always worth giving up anything bad just to keep that relationship.
  12. goldenmaine

    goldenmaine Active Contributor

    We should find inspiration to the one we love because this will help us also in our recovery. When they left us because of our addiction then we can show them that we have changed and we can win them back. This would be a great challenge but for the one we love, we must overcome these so that we can get them back. Since they are our inspiration, we must use this as our fuel to make things right, and come back strong. Having been changed for the good after recovery will make the one we love realize that we still worth it to come back for.
  13. bluzkluz09

    bluzkluz09 Active Contributor

    Love can be a powerful motivator. I do not think anyone can change unless they want to. To change yourself for a loved one wouldn't make you happy because you feel forced. However giving up an addiction for a loved one I would make an exception on. Relationships are fragile and if someone left me because of addiction I wouldn't chase after them after getting better. If we naturally found each other and our relationship evolved then I would be okay with that. I like to hear stories of mothers and fathers who get clean and then get their children who they lost to foster care. So maybe I'm somewhat of a romantic.
  14. Twinsmommy31

    Twinsmommy31 Active Contributor

    Love can make you change your life for the better. If you have lost that one true love due to your mistakes, it is ok to try to see if you can work it out. No one is perfect and as long as your devoted to recovery, it could work out for the best. Follow that love you once lost.
  15. Lizel

    Lizel Community Champion

    The most important thing is to change yourself (stop being addicted) for yourself and only for yourself.
    It will make you a strong person because you were working for your change for a specific reason --> to make yourself a happy!
  16. wander_n_wonder

    wander_n_wonder Active Contributor

    There's nothing wrong in doing the best for yourself for the one you really love. As long as it's towards improving yourself, I definitely have nothing against love. What I don't quite like is when people tend to change themselves and lose their personality and uniqueness, just to please the person they love. I think that's not really fair and no one deserves to be placed in such an ugly situation ever. We all deserve to be unique and no one has the right to manipulate you to become someone else you really are not.

    I have also heard of stories of people who were able to easily let go of their addiction because they got so inspired by their loved one. Not only is that really romantic, I think that's also very inspiring in terms of self-improvement.