Hi its been (feels like) too long since i've posted and checked in. I'm having a bit of a rough go yet those around me see progress. Of course it is never ALL progress and when it isn't it's very frustrating to those around me being my husband the most. But progress with him is he is now going at the suggestion of one of my support circle that he go to alanon and let me have my NA meetings for me and get a program of his own for support... he has been going 2x a week which is all there is around here and he likes it and I see a difference for the better. I haven't missed a day of my 90/90 and made a couple of new females for my contacts and been calling them along with my sponsor. I'm doing the right things and that is all. Everything else aside from staying clean JFT and a meeting has to wait. I have given up the last of the comfort meds that the detox place put me on which I should have never continued and today is day 2. So my clean date officially off every single thing was yesterday and I didn't sleep last night and haven't even made my bed yet and it is 12:00. Unheard of for me. I am full of anxiety and aches and pains that were masked for so very long with painkillers along with all the cocaine. Drugs to me are plain awful and I don't want them in my life but I find myself or my mind having flashes of doing cocaine. My mind is just completely mis wired right now and the patience involved in healing is hard. But my mantra: JFT and easy does it along with that this didn't happen overnight and will get better but not overnight. So as my sponsor says: if I don't like early recovery, don't do it again and that I have to go through it to get through it. That is where I am at.... How are you all doing?