My name is Paige and I'm in my early 20's. My son's dad (dated four years) made me choose between him or an abortion when I found out I was eight weeks pregnant. I've been alone ever since. I have a beautiful three year old boy who I make sure had always had everything he needs and more... Except a completely sober mom. Even typing that out feels like a knife in my stomach. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Until a doctor prescribed pain meds for my Fibromyalgia when my sob was one, it wasn't this way. But wow.. it was so nice to be able to do things normal, healthy women my age could do. Grocery shop without stopping early and going home because my legs, hips, and back hurt. Taking my son and my little nephews on long walks. Actually getting my house clean and getting exercise. Sleeping at night because I wasn't writhing in pain. I had for so long convinced myself that these things made me a better mother when I had these pills. But of course we all know that isn't how addiction works. I have a bachelor's degree in child development. I've never driven with my child in the car while high and I never leave him with other people. I don't even feel "messed up" when I take the pills other than my pain is gone and I have energy. But I KNOW that I need to fight these demons inside me feuling my addiction to these pills before it becomes a life long problem. I would rather be in pain forever than for my son to grow up thinking pills are more important to me than he is. I would rather DIE than him ever think for one second that I don't love him. I've stopped taking pills, cut out the two friends who enabled me, and told my doctor to cut me off. But from here on out I'm on my own. I am terrified of relapse. Although my son has always been well taken care of, I'm terrified that I'll relapse and get him taken away. Please help me avoid that from happening. It would ruin both of our lives. I'm begging for help on here because I work so much and live in a rural area with so few meetings I'm not sure going to them is a doable option at this moment. I'm all he has besides my dad who is too old to take care of him and I'm scared to seek substance abuse counselifc since they are mandated reporters to DCFS. I want to get this problem tackled without my son having to become traumatized. Involving mandated reporters in my recovery is a last resort option for me. I know my son isn't in danger. I have never not been able to get him what he needs. I NEVER want my addiction to lead to that which is why I have decided NOT ONE MORE pill. Please help me with any advice at all. Thank you.