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Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by Nikkishea21, Jan 18, 2015.

  1. Nikkishea21

    Nikkishea21 Active Contributor

    My father is almost 70 and he got really ill a few months ago, about in October. I was really scared and wanted to see him better and home, he recovered eventually and I was really grateful for this. My father is a marijuana smoker and this is how he has been all his life, from he was a teenager he tells us.

    Upon recovering and coming home from the hospital, he said that he was not going to go back to smoking. We were all so happy and it was notable that he was eating more and even seeming to put on a little weight (he was really skinny). About two weeks ago we found out that his long hours spent down by his farm, which is a way off from where my mother lives, is spent smoking. We felt disappointed and betrayed and we approached him and he denied it, but I know that it is true.

    My father is a very stubborn individual and he will not change anything that he is into because someone tells him to. All our lives we have been trying to get him to stop smoking and he would always use someone who is younger than him and has passed and say, "look at Tom. he wasn't a smoker and he died, so if I can smoke and live this long, it is no big deal". I love him a lot and want him to be ok because he really scared us with his illness and I do not want that to happen again. He does not understand that we want him to stop because of love and nothing more, I wish he would just up and stop it.
  2. LostmySis

    LostmySis Senior Contributor

    He is 70, and has made up his mind. Some people can do things (smoke/drink) their whole lives and it does not affect them, others become severe addicts and spiral downwards. For example, I had a grandmother who drank a glass of whisky and smoked every day of her life. She refused to take Advil because the bottle said "do not take this medication with alcohol". She died with alzheimers which had nothing to do with her smoking/drinking. She was never drunk, she just did not want to stop. She had no lung/liver problems.

    If your father is only smoking weed, it might actually be helping him with his illness. You did not say what the illness was, but many doctors now prescribe weed to people for pain management--especially for cancer patients. I'm not condoning his actions, just explaining. But from my point of view, you are wasting your time wishing and hoping he will stop. If you worry too much about him, you might be missing out on your own life.
  3. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Your father is in his sunset years and i think you should let him be. Nothing can really stop him from smoking unless maybe he was to be incarcerated.I can only urge you to keep showing him all that love because it's the only thing he needs from his family.
  4. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi Nikkishea, I understand a parent's stubbornness too from my mother. She didn't want to stop smoking cigarettes even knowing that it worsened her breathing. I guess what I'm saying is don't let your father's stubbornness take away from the time that you have left with him by focusing on his not wanting to quit. Spend quality time with him. Your father knows how you feel about what his is doing; show him more of how you care and love him than worry. Keep the worry silent and enjoy being with your Dad.
  5. Janie

    Janie Active Contributor

    It sounds like at this point you have to just accept him for who he is. He's probably really unlikely to change his behavior at his age. The older we get the more set in our ways we become, and it is just hard to change anyways. I would just try to let that issue go and just care for him as you always do.
  6. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Nikkishea, I know it must be very difficult when you want what you think is best for a person and they don't accept it. It's your dad and all I can encourage you to do is love him the way you have for all his life and more. Sometimes all we can do is love a person. The rest is up to them.

    You might be surprise that one day when you least expect it, he will quit. Sometimes people can be won over without a word.
  7. Nikkishea21

    Nikkishea21 Active Contributor

    Thank you guys, I want him to be happy and that he is right now so I may just have to leave him be. As someone indicated he is in his sunset years and I really do not think he is going to change no matter how we try to get him to, so we might as well just leave the issue and just love him none the less.