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Co-Dependent Marriages

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by romananthonysmama, Feb 6, 2015.

  1. romananthonysmama

    romananthonysmama Active Contributor

    Most of us know a couple who are in a co-dependent relationship. When bonded by marriage, it is even a more involved situation, because it isn't as easy to just pack up and leave. We all know that in recovery, they let us know how important it is to surround ourselves with positive influences that are drug-free, but what do you do when your own spouse is needing recovery as well?

    I am not currently in this situation, but I have been in similar ones in the past. It is so hard to see the ones you love not follow in your footsteps with recovery, but at some point, it is not productive to hold onto them. I definitely think if there is any type of abuse going on, the key should be to leave RIGHT away or as soon as possible, but if someone is in recovery, do they try to help their spouse recover as well?

    I've seen some situations in which one spouse leaves the home for awhile until the other spouse decides to enter recovery as well. I think this could be a good idea, because it may result in the spouse not currently in recovery, to seek out recovery once they realize that they may be hitting rock bottom. It is probably a lot healthier than staying in the situation and exposing yourself to addiction, especially when you are in recovery yourself. What advice would you give?
  2. KNH

    KNH Active Contributor

    I think if a person is truly trying to recover and they are in a co-dependent relationship with someone who isn't trying to recover, he/she should leave. I know it's hard, but staying in the situation is only doing harm and hindering recovery.
  3. aimeep80

    aimeep80 Senior Contributor

    My husband and I are definitely co-dependent. I do not necessarily have any advice but I can say that co-dependency is quite toxic to the addict. I found myself enabling because I felt that he "needed" the substances. In a sense he did "need" them to not become sick, but I didn't have to encourage him or accept it. Once i stopped my co-dependent behavior and started taking care of myself, things got better.