ive been using cocaine now for 2 and a half years. I go a couple days at max without it. I don’t feel the urge to do it, but I love getting high, whether it’s weed, the high of working out, or just having a great day. But I always find myself going back to cocaine, I used the first time 4 years ago, but now for 2 and a half years I’ve been doing it almost everyday. How do I afford it you ask? I sell a bunch of it. Why do I spend my time dealing drugs to make money to just do them , or buy stupid stuff, or impress people. My friends and family think I’m a great person, because I do so much for others. But I feel like I’m living a lie, if they knew what I’ve done and the things I’ve done for it. I’ve beaten people up, because they’ve owed me money, I feel like I’m living a movie. Can someone tell me why I feel like this is okay to do. The reason I started selling was because I was a broke college kid, now I make 32$ an hour sell coke on the side and still somehow I haven’t realized , money is never enough. And cocaine has made me think this way I think, please someone respond. Let me know I’m not that crazy. Or maybe I am. I would consider myself a drug addict because I’ll pop any pill (downers only) anytime. And always feel the need to hang with friends. And we all do it together(my drugs my money) but somehow I still feel empty, I had a great childhood, and have good parents. Why am I like this, why am I the bad kid that parents told there kids to look out for. I wasn’t always like this. Maybe cocaine changed my brain idk. On a side note, the cocaine percent I’ve been getting has been 76% average... it’s right off the boat... so maybe I’m just addicted to the high life. Of partying and buying expensive things... maybe I’m normal and this is just another phase I’m going through , I’m 21 years old, fairly good shape, other then I fill my nose with poison, and eat fast food like hardcore. But I walk 20km at work everyday and I workout occasionally. Maybe I’m depressed , but I’m not sad with my life. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved, but I’m not proud of how I got here.