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Codependents

Discussion in 'Other Substances' started by srock, Jul 14, 2015.

  1. srock

    srock Member

    Codependent here seeking other codependents for support. As a child of addicts I learned lots of codependent habits that I desire to gain awareness of and release from my life. There is no CoDa group in my local area so I'd like to hear from others who are beginning or experienced with unwinding codependent patterns. What have been some of your best tools? What resources or advice can you share with someone just learning about their codependency?

    Thanks in advance.
  2. Auril

    Auril Active Contributor

    The book Codependent No More looks like it's a good book on the subject. I just started reading it so I can't say for sure. I have major codependency issues from growing up with an alchoholic dad, a codependent mom, and then my mom developing serious health issues as she aged. I wish I as in a better spot to give more advice but I'm just starting to work on it myself.
  3. srock

    srock Member

    Thank you, Auril. I will look into getting this book. Would you please share the author's name?
    I'd also like to read more about creating healthy, balanced relationships.
    A book I recently read which helped a lot was "What you feel you can heal" by a relationship psychologist based on decades of studying relationships and what makes them work.
  4. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    To be honest I haven't really found an easy way out of this. I'm also someone who grew up in a very dysfunctional home, so codependent relationships have been my thing since the start... I had to learn the bad way, that and having a great friend offering me good advice every step of the way helped a lot.

    I was lucky, I found myself and learned I deserved better than those horrible relationships I had, I was enabling those men to abuse me and treat me badly... now I don't let that happen. I have learnt to love myself and learn my own value...

    Which was hard considering my alcoholic mother never lost the chance to tell me ''I was worthless'' since I was 8... even when she wasn't drunk. I believed her most of my life, that is why I thought I didn't deserve better than those awful men who treated me badly. Fun thing is all that time I was thinking I couldn't do better, because my awful childhood marked me and made me believe I couldn't do better in life. That I didn't deserve better...

    Now I'm a different person :) I respect myself, and as a result I'm respected by others, specially the man I'm currently in a relationship with. There is hope :) It won't be an easy road, but if you do it right it will be well worth it. If you can go see a therapist and keep a diary, that will help you look into yourself and get to know you better.
  5. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Codependency; yeah that is an interesting one. There's like an opposite effect that fits one to the other like a glove. Its not until I took a more recent look at my parents have I really understood this effect. I'm just going to say one is a control freak bully and they other tolerates it. The one who tolerates it, the codependent, doesn't ever seem to live their true optimum potential. This kind of business doesn't work. Each seeks out the other. The whole thing is unhealthy.
    The easiest way to drop the pattern is for the codependent to realize that this type of person is not healthy for them. Look for completely different characteristics when choosing. The other needs to realize that seeking to control or to suppress another person makes no sense and they are seeking a very self defeating situation by looking for someone who will easily fall into this.