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coke weed and alcohol addiction :|

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by megan9898, Nov 15, 2018.

  1. megan9898

    megan9898 Member

    I am 20 years old I have mainly a cannabis and cocaine addiction !
    I think my mental health broke down when I was raped at the age of 14 it was hard for me because I was running away from home I generally blamed myself for what happened and thought I had brought it on myself I have realised now that there is no excuse and I shouldn't blame myself now but I never really got any closure as it was my word against his :(
    I have been addicted to smoking cannabis from the age of fifteen where I got into a relationship with an older guy that smoked it heavily every day therefore I ended up doing it too to the point where I would pass out every single night in the end the relationship turned to poison he was very paranoid and thought he was seeing things when he wasn't it was a very hard time for me being this young as I was vulnerable and thought I was in love anyway to cut a long story of three years short it got very mentally abusive but I did with the help of my family finally wake up and see what he was , however by leaving this then lead me down a different path to more heavy drugs this is where I tried cocaine from the first Time,from the first time that I tried it I would say I was addicted id never felt so good about myself and I could talk freely amongst friends about things that had happened it gave me confidence made me feel indestructible when I was taking it anyway , but the next day would be horrendous id feel like I was back to square one again id take it out on my family which is completely unfair and just be a general misery around the house anyway from that first time I started doing it every weekend when I went out then it started to happen in the week more and more often until it was happening everyday for around a month I was in and out of jobs just where I couldn't bothered and ie never been like that I have come from a good family with good morals and accept nothing less than hard work and you work for everything that you have . I've managed to cut it down from that as I knew it would destroy me but mainly the fact cocaine is so expensive that has stopped me doing it also I now do it once maybe twice a week which I thought was okay and I was in control but I realised when I started doing it at home alone that this is still a problem and I do want to change I know I will get no where in life if I carry on and I really would just love some support on how I fight these cravings how I stop feeling so low and like I need my weekly dosage to keep me going thank you for anyone that takes time to read this I appreciate it a lot
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Welcome to the forum, @megan9898. I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with addictions to weed and cocaine, but I'm really glad you found us and reached out. And that you shared with us. That definitely tells me that you're wanting to make some positive changes in your life. That's a good thing, too, because you're right: If you keep going the way you are, you're not going to get anywhere in life. That said, you're so young and you have sooooo much of your life in front of you. I know you can turn things around and get on the right path!

    I'm not sure I have any epic advice on how to fight the cravings. I suggest doing some sort of physical exercise when you get a craving. Either walking, running, riding a bike (actual or stationary), etc. I know that really helped me when I quit smoking cigarettes many years ago. If you get your body's natural endorphins flowing--which is what exercise does--it can help alleviate cravings.

    You may also want to check out support group meetings. Groups like Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), or Cocaine Anonymous (CA) can really be helpful. There's something about being around people who know exactly what you're going through and feeling that can be super comforting. You can find meetings in your area at those organizations' websites. There are also online meetings available, too.

    Lastly, seeing an addiction specialist might really help you, too. An addiction specialist is a doctor who is thoroughly trained in all aspects of addiction, so they know way more about the disease than "normal" doctors do. They can assess your individual situation and recommend the best next steps. So that's something you might want to consider.

    We are here to offer you all the help and support we can. We will also listen to you anytime you feel the need to get something off your chest. We will never judge you, either, so you are safe here. Everyone here "gets" it. We've either been through addiction ourselves or have been touched by it via a loved one/family member. Trust me when I tell you "You are not alone."

    I'm proud of you for coming here and "spilling your guts" to us. What a brave and wonderful thing for you to do. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending you tons of love, light, hope, strength, and encouragement. You can do this, my friend. I know you can.
    True concern likes this.
  3. megan9898

    megan9898 Member

    Thankyou so much for your response I will try and find somehere to talk to tommorow feel very low tonight for some reason and feel like giving up but I’m Gunna stay strong and I am gunna do this I know talking is the only way that is gunna help as it’s helped me through other things did you have an addiction ? I will try going for a run or somthing tommorow maybe even sign up to the gym do you think the first couple weeks will be the hardest ? Or is it gunna be this hard for a lot longer ? Thanks again
    deanokat likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @megan9898... My main connection to addiction is with my 28-year-old son, who started battling addiction when he was 15. He has suffered from severe depression and anxiety since he was a teen, and he started self-medicating when he was about 15. Started with pills taken from our medicine cabinet (and friends' medicine cabinets); then he started smoking weed; then it was heroin and cocaine; and other stuff (like acid), too. He had a good two years of sobriety a few years ago, then he relapsed with alcohol. Now he's working hard to get his depression/anxiety under control. He's off of all substances except for weed, which he says helps him with his anxiety. My wife and I have learned to pick our battles, so we tolerate the pot, albeit reluctantly. I myself haven't really struggled with my own addiction, except for cigarettes, which I quit 28 years ago. I also drank more than I should when my son was at the peak of his addiction, but I quit that 10 years ago to set an example for him (and my younger son).

    I think the first couple of weeks will be the hardest for you. After that, any withdrawal symptoms you might go through should be pretty much gone. You will still get cravings after that, though. Hell, I still get cravings for cigarettes after all these years. The trick is learning to deal with those cravings. And I know you can do that.

    You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. I wish you the best of luck. Please keep coming back and leaning on us for support. That's what we're here for. :)

    Happy almost Friday!
    True concern likes this.
  5. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener


    Hello and welcome. I'm glad you're here and I'm glad that you're sharing part of your life with us. I'm really sorry that you were violated when you were young. You're right, it's not your fault at all. So dismiss those thoughts when they come...

    Dean has given you some excellent advice. It sounds as if finances are an issue for you. If you do have some sort of insurance, I would definitely look into getting a counselor. You can call your Social Services agencies and ask them to direct you to a counselor. There may even be some churches that would have someone that could connect you with someone helpful. There are some pastors who will counsel for free.

    Then again, there are support groups, which I think would be very helpful. I know not everyone feels comfortable at a 12-step meeting, but some do and some get a lot out of it. Search them online and find out where meetings are... AA, NA, or CA.

    You've fallen into some really bad habits, but the good news is that you can get yourself into some good habits. Please remember that change takes time and it's a process. You're not going to go from A to B overnight, but each day you can make some effort toward recovery and creating a different kind of life. Also maybe you could reach out to your family for their support.

    When I was trying to overcome my addiction to people, also known as codependency, I started reading a lot of books on the topic and watching YouTube videos. I educated myself and I did attend a couple of support groups too. I think there's so much that we can do ourselves in addition to reaching out to others. I found that I needed to do this every day, because the battle seems to be in the mind. So just like you feed your body good stuff, feed your mind good, inspirational, and motivational things. Not just now, but your whole life. Talk to those that are successful in any area, and they're going to tell you that they've done some hard-ass work to get there. They put the time in. They made a commitment. They got up when they fell down. They did it despite fear, doubts, and so on...... And as I said it's a process. Trust the process.

    One thing is for sure, we will be here for you. No matter what, you can come here and share. You can share when you're down and you can share when you're up. You can share if you relapse, and you can share your victories. There's some of us that are here every day, feel free to come on as often as you like.

    I hope that you'll become excited about what you can create for your life. Even just by reaching out here, you've got some momentum going... :)

    Make a list of some positive things you can start implementing in your life.... try it out!
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  6. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @megan9898 I will respond further in the morning, I am very tired and must try to sleep but I want you to know i am on here everyday and I am a recovering addict who also suffered childhood trauma, I have to calm my soul right now the one emotion I have a hard time controlling is rage,not all the time but every time I hear about someone being raped it makes me cry and I just feel intense rage and sadness. In no way was that your fault,not at all...i am so sorry some evil bastard hurt you.STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS I want to respond better but I can't think properly when I'm this upset so please forgive me if this response is odd I will try again in the morning.
    Dominica and deanokat like this.
  7. megan9898

    megan9898 Member

    thank you very much means alot speak to you soon
    True concern, Dominica and deanokat like this.
  8. megan9898

    megan9898 Member

    hello thank you so much for your detailed reply it really helped me last night :) i am looking into going to some meetings today to get the ball rolling , I dont know if this is the addiction in my head but is it a good idea to go straight in and gve them both up at once or should i focus on one then the other ? i feel very ill this morning no energy my eyes fee so tired im guessing this is all part of it . I also started going on youtube last night and looking and peoples stories and how they over come everything which to be honest really hleped even though some of them wasnt the same addiction i felt i could relate alot to what they're saying and it made me feel alot stronger and defiantly not on my own this made me realise that maybe meetings wil be scary at first but i think i could make some good friends that are going through the same and we can try and be stronger together
    True concern, Dominica and deanokat like this.
  9. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener


    Good morning. I'm glad to hear that you did some research last night and got some inspiration from the YouTube videos. There are a lot of people that share their recovery stories and tips, and that can certainly be helpful.

    I'd have to say giving up both of the drugs at the same time would be the way I would go. But that's just me. Because knowing me I would give up one and then do more of the other in an effort to make up for it.

    I definitely think the meeting is worth going to, to see if you like it and get something out of it. I always tell people to take what they can use and leave the rest. Some people can be quite judgemental, and that's why I say take what you can and forget about the rest. Remember everyone's on a unique Journey.

    Physically, you may feel crappy for now, but remind yourself that it won't be forever. That you can break the cycle and then you'll be able to feel good consistently. This is a great opportunity to nurture yourself mentally and physically. Also a great opportunity to start writing a new chapter of your life. Reach out for help as you need. There will always be someone willing to listen and offer you support.

    deanokat and True concern like this.
  10. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    First off I want you to know the courage within you is off the charts, the process of opening up and releasing some thing's in life is harder than other's but it is absolutely vital to release them so the healing can begin.You are so young,so brave,and so empowered.I can tell you are determined to beat this addiction and everything else that comes with it. I am going to be honest,usually I respond in great detail, usually I am able to read and feel a person's hurt and pain and that allows me to be able to respond in a very caring,genuine fashion but unfortunately stories like this scramble my ability to respond in a proper way because when I was younger something happened to me and because of that when I read about someone else experiencing similar trauma my capacity to remove myself from the scenario disappears and I feel weak,confused,stupid....etc anyways I am sorry I really am,I will try again tomorrow but in the meantime I know the other's have given great advice and support and they are amazing human's who have been helping me to heal for roughly 10 month's so I know healing is possible and I will keep working on me and I hope and pray you keep working on you,you are worth so much more than addiction has to offer and I truly hope that courage of yours delivers peace and sobriety to you very soon because you are so worth it.STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @megan9898... Let us know how you're doing. And remember that we're here for you, always. You can tap into our support anytime you need it. :)
    True concern likes this.
  12. megan9898

    megan9898 Member

    I am doing well day six sober !!!!! I never thought I’d be able to do this and I wouldn’t have been able to without the support from you all have my first meeting next Tuesday onwards and upwards now ! I know it’s still early days but I am feeling better than ever and stronger than ever ! Thankyou allll xxx
    Teetee, True concern and deanokat like this.
  13. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Big congrats on Day 6, @megan9898! I'm super proud of you!!! We may have given you support, but YOU are the one doing the work! So I hope you're proud of yourself, too!!

    Happy to hear you're going to a meeting on Tuesday. And that you're feeling better and stronger than ever. :)

    Have a wonderful Sunday!!!
    True concern likes this.