Combination Jail / Counseling

Exactly

I cannot imagine at all going to work to be spit on, swung on etc. I don't have in me. As I wrote to Jen S., there are certain environments that I would not work in, no matter how much I care and want to make a difference.

And to be fair, most people don't get paid what they deserve; a familiar argument of: teachers make 40 thousand dollars a year, while Kim Kardashian makes 40 million dollars a year, comes to mind. And although I love myself some Kim K. (no matter how many people hate on her), I don't think that what she does warrants more pay than my son's math teacher gets paid working at a school. But, c'est la vie.

As far as passing blame to service people, I was writing in context to what the original poster wrote about the particular program that he was in, which according to him is being very badly run. Now, a wise person knows that there are two sides to every story, but just going off of what he was saying about things, it seems to me that some changes in that particular program are definitely in order.

As far as mediocre employees having it best, I agree and disagree with you here.

I think an overachiever can accomplish a lot, but that overachiever has to have a lot more going for them than just overachieving. They have to have a certain swag, a certain confidence, a lot of cunning, a lot of covert action, a great deal of appeal happening with them.

I mean, a lot goes into changing the present guard, if you will. I think the most important ingredient a person trying to change things has to have is to be really passionate about what they are trying to change because most people are comfortable with the status quo. People will be quick to say "No", and they will work against you to try to shut down any efforts towards change.

Would I work to change a system if I knew I planned to leave for a better job in two years? No. Probably not. I would save my energy. I'm the type that has to care about you before I'm able to really argue with you, that being said...

If I felt like this is the place where I want to spend the next 20 years and make a career out of it, I would have to try to make things better if things weren't going as they probably should. Sometimes one has to put that work in. But it is a personal choice. Based on their own particular life experience, some may choose to, others may not.

Sure, above all we need to rely on ourselves, that's pretty much it, but sometimes a helping hand can make all the difference as we well know it.

The purpose of a rehab centre is to basically reform the affected individual in regard to what he/she is suffering from. It therefore beats logic to subject anyone coming here to seek help to inhumane treatment and deplorable living conditions. It all boils down to proper treatment under the best possible environment for the rehab process to work effectively.

My question here is, if no one complains because they feel their complaint carries little, if any weight, then where's the accountability of the program (or jail, etc)? Who holds them (power tripping staff etc.) accountable and up to the standard that they are supposed to be living up to as employees getting paid to do a job? Taking money for a service that they are supposed to be rendering that they may not be rendering effectively, if at all.

Does a person in a program or in jail who sees, and knows, things are not as they should be, keep silent, not complain and wait for someone employed by the program to tell on the program?

What if the court ordered program is ineffective, like the one OhioTom76 says he went through?
Is he not to complain at all about specific fallacies in the program and just go with the flow and be grateful that he's not in jail?

That's a good question, and I've asked myself the same thing
I feel my complaint in that type of situation carries little weight unless I have been truly violated. Otherwise I'm just letting them know their program could be better...expecting them to say something other than "well....thanks for your opinion". Here's what I know for sure. I've been through a lot of exceptional programs. I've also been through some that could have been much better. I never get better until I focus on the benefits a program has to offer. I never get better when I believe the system is against me. I never get better when I expect the department of corrections to send me to an exceptional rehab. I never get better when I assume everybody's just out to collect a paycheck. I never get better when I make myself the victim. I get better when I'm humble, capable of flipping my perspective and adjusting my own attitude.

I began my recovery journey in the kind of place a lot of people wanted to "write the judge" about. Most made comments about the terrible neighborhood it was in (a drug zone). Most complained that there was no air conditioning in August (we slept with bags of ice on our heads). Most complained about the food (it sucked), and most were quick to complain about the staff, too. They weren't perfect and they weren't even professional 24/7.

It's been more than six years. I live in a different state now, but I still stop by once a year around the holidays to say hi to some of my favorite staff members and thank them for putting up with my crap. Every year they tell me who else has died. People who were in the same program at the same time. People I knew. People who did not want to change their perspective.

Well, okay, I guess. I mean, I totally understand your point, I just struggle with it a little bit.
But you are a right, in that, the world does not bend to everyone's needs. And one should be thankful to not sit in a cell all day, that's for sure.

I totally agree with you here on the speaking up if you are truly violated, of course one must speak up in a situation like that, and hopefully one feels empowered enough at the time to do so.

I just struggle with certain opinions that people have (not you, but people who work in certain places), that even if you do have a valid complaint that you should say nothing, just sit down, be quiet because things could be a lot worse for you because you screwed up, so you're lucky to be here pal.

As I already wrote, I've never been in a program, or jail, but I have been in homeless shelters.
People who lived there used to complain about everything, the food, the place being dirty, certain rules, staff. I was very grateful to be in a shelter because my son and I could have been out on the street.

I was not a chronic complainer, and certainly not a victim. I used to marvel at how much conversation was devoted to daily complaining.

And speaking of humble, one of the staff members one day told me that I was a very humble person. Humility is a good thing.
At the shelters, I cleaned up, I bought my own food when I could, I followed the rules, I did everything I could to be a good 'resident'. I basically kissed staff's a!s. Some staff was better than others, but I got a long with all of them.

But, I never subscribed to the mindset of sit down, shut up, and don't breathe a word of discontent ever.

I totally agree with you when you speak about how you never got better until you focused on you. This is a very timely message that I needed to hear right now in my life. I have been getting distracted by certain things for awhile, and I really need to concentrate on making myself a better woman, not focusing on extraneous drama.

Oh noooo. I'm not part of that crowd either. LOL I expect to be treated like a human being no matter where I wind up or for what reasons. I just choose my battles wisely these days. I'm pretty sure I only heard one valid complaint the whole time I was in court ordered rehab, and it had to do with sexual harassment. In my opinion, that is a legitimate violation. You don't just allow people to violate you because you're a criminal. That's insane. But complaining about the program, what's being taught, who's running it, etc. is one of those things that I've always just shrugged off to say "Well, you can always go back to jail if you want." or "Well, when you get out of here you can choose whatever rehab you want."

I hear you. Sometimes it's just too easy.

I'm with you, I believe that people should be held accountable to not violate people just because someone happens to be at a disadvantage at the moment. Nobody's perfect.
Like we said a couple posts back, not everyone can handle power.

As far as focusing on myself, like I said, I needed to hear this because I have a lot going on in my life right now, but distractions pop up and instead of "tending to myself", I tend to them.

So when you say you flipped your perspective, and adjusted your attitude, will you share some things that you did specifically that helped you focus only on yourself and not on what was going on around you?

Sure. I guess the easiest way for me to explain how I got the ball rolling was I started asking myself different questions.

"Why would a person do that?" Became "Why do I care so much about what they're doing?"

"Why don't they like me?" --> "Why do I feel like everyone should?" and "What is at stake if they don't?"

"I would never say or do that. How come they did?" --> "Do I really need to focus on other people's flaws to feel better about myself?"

"What can I do to help this person?" --> "Am I really in a position to help anyone right now?" and "Why do I put other people's needs before my own?"

"Why can't I just get what I want?" --> "Why do I feel entitled to it?"

Fabulous, just fabulous. I think if I had to focus on just one of these, I would choose "Why do I put other people's needs before my own?" That's a huge one to me, but I can relate to all of what you have just written here.

I feel like I am a strong willed person, and I know that I am blessed in many areas of my life, but sometimes I guess I feel overconfident and start trying to help people in crisis when I really need to focus on myself.
I just kind of came out of crisis mode myself not too long ago, and so it is important for me to remember that it isokay for me to be selfish sometimes, meaning that I'm not constantly saying no to myself just so I can say yes to other people.

The 'why do I feel entitled to it?' is huge too, and the 'why do I care so much about what they're doing? is also huge.'
Ahh Jen S., girlfriend, you are making me smile.

I totally agree with you. That something like that could exist and take advantage of state subsidies is just crazy. Now I understand why some people who supposedly went through rehab couldn't recover properly. Anyone handled by such deplorable employees would not have the heart to get better. I hope the federal government will find the time to look into this situation. If they really want to cut back on taxes, maybe they should try to streamline such institutions and restructure the incarceration and rehab system rather than impose heavy taxes on homeowners and ordinary citizens.

That sucks. They had an opportunity to make a difference, keep people out of jail and sobre, and instead they make it a shitty experience. It is all about money. I hate money!

Rehabilitation never works this way to be honest. What you went through was not the worse thing of all time, but it's not going to help anyone out at all. They need to think of something else rather than wasting money like this.

I would not say that wowtgp, it depends on your level of addiction and how much you want to be clean, sometimes jail and counseling is a great eye opener that can put us back on our feet.

Maybe. For me it wasn't so much feeling overconfident - more like I sought out ways to help others because it was something I'd always been pretty good at. This was how I made myself feel better. Useful. While avoiding my own problems (ones I didn't want to touch with a 10ft pole).