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Complex reasons for oxycodone use. Don't know where to turn

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by Reah Darr, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Four years ago my husband was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer. It is now in his brain and spinal column and I am his sole caregiver along with hospice coming to the house.

    I suffer from IBS and what is probably Crohn's disease. Along the way, I have had to rush my husband to the hospital at a moment's notice as well as going to numerous chemo and radiation treatments with him.

    A friend told me that oxycodone used to be used for bad intestines. And by bad intestines, I can get diarrhea from just drinking water. In two of the situations where I had to get him to the hospital, I didn't make it before having to stop by the side of the road to go to the bathroom.

    Sorry if this is icky sounding.

    So, I have been taking up to forty mg of oxycodone a day. And during this time, I have had normal intestines for the first time in my life. I don't live with the anxiety of unexpected intestinal accidents. It has freed me up to be able to care for my husband.

    I do want to stop taking them for all the reasons that you can imagine. I can't go to the doctor and be honest... I will be reported in the state where I live I've been told.

    I've tried cutting down and stopping but I get the most excruciating pains in my legs. My legs feel like they are cramped beyond belief. I also find myself sneezing quite a bit. These only happen when I try to stop. I have had terrible bouts of diarrhea when trying to stop them but I know that is a part of the withdrawal so I don't stress about that. I want to go to a gastro-intestinal doctor once I am totally stopped taking the Oxycodone.

    Thank you if you've read all of this. I don't even know if 30 to 40 mg a day is considered excessive. And if it is within the range of being able to taper off and then quit without having other complications other than what I have described above.

    My husband is dying and so many complex issues exist in my life. I want to stop taking them. I just feel so "normal" when I take them... physically and mentally. I know if I go to the doctor and tell him that these are the ONLY meds that have EVER essentially cured my irritable bowel, he is not going to prescribe them unfortunately. I'm seventy years old and other than cigarettes, this is the only possible addiction I've faced in my life.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Reah Darr hello and welcome. i'm so sorry about your husband... bless it.

    i am not that familiar with pain pills... so not sure i can offer you advice there. i do think seeing an addiction specialist can be helpful...if you can't get off them on your own, please consider it.

    others will probably chime in on what they think... i do hope you can get the answers you're looking for, and some support for this challenging time in your life. i'm sure it feels like so much, and it IS a lot... i pray for you and your husband...
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Welcome to the community @Reah Darr. I, too, am sorry about your husband. I am sending lots of positive, pain-reducing energy his way.

    As far as your oxycodone goes... I am not a medical professional, so I can't give you advice on how to taper off of the pills. While you may not want to go to your "regular" doctor, I don't think seeing an addiction specialist would put you in any jeopardy. An addiction specialist is thoroughly trained in all aspects of addiction and can help you taper off the pills safely. I've never heard of an addiction specialist reporting a patient to the state. If you're in the U.S., you can use the "Find a Doctor" link on the American Board of Addiction Medicine's website. Here's that link:

    I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and prayers. And I'm sending you lots of love and light. I hope you'll be able to get off of the oxycodone.

    Let us know if we can help or support you in any other way. We're here and we care.
  4. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    @Reah Darr, welcome to the forum. I’m sorry you’re struggling, but glad you found relief from your IBS for even a minute. I can imagine how horrible it must be when trying to quit the pills, because your stomach problems came back with even more issues. That could have to do with the addiction part of your brain trying to convince you that the pills are needed, but I’m not a medical professional. I can also imagine how terrifying repetitive sneezing must be with IBS! :|

    Sending lots of positive vibes to you, your bowels, and your husband today.
  5. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Ok so trip out on this.More personal experience here.So i have IBS and pain pills fix it because they constipate you so hear is how it worked for me.I have very bad allergies and sinus problems so the IBS is a pain in the as× literally but alot of it is caused by none stop mucus drainibg into my stomach that never stops unless on pain pills because they dry up your mucus membranes so no more drainage.Oh and when you're out of pills you start sneezing because you're mucus membranes start moisturizing again and the process of IBS nightmares start up again along with the detox shi×s which is like a lot of feces so soft toilet paper is a must.Your age is concerning as cold turkey won't work for you at 40mgs of oxycodone you could die from the detox so a taper is the obly safe way.Im no Dr or specialist however if you cut 5 mgs a week going from 40 to35 mgs for one week than from 35 to30 for another week and so on i promise you its the least painful way to go and you can still function where as you cannot in a cold turkey detox,so no cold turkey detox for you please to dangerous period but at 70 even more so and i to will pray for you and your family.Stay Strong and God Bless you Both.Take Care
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  6. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Cool name by the way "RADAR" or reah darr
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  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

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  8. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    Hey, I am truly sorry to hear about your husband I can't pretend that I know how hard that is I pray God's hand in both your lives.
    I also want to mention that i second what @True concern said. He covered it all that's exactly what I would have said, but I want to speak about the emotional impact.
    You said that this is the only med that you have ever felt normal on physically and mentally. And that threw up red flags big time.
    I'm young, 30, I got married young, 18 and I lost my wife young at 21. She is alive but she developed a rare brain disease and can't remember who I even am doesn't know we've met before. By losing her I meant I lost her to this disease and now she is in care up in Alaska. We are no longer together. I needed to clarify that even though she's in a hospital I really did loose her because she lost herself. That was the hardest thing for me to ever go through. I was unable to sleep for long periods. I'm not one to get headaches but I remember getting one then. And she left behind an unopened bottles of hydrocodone from a recent root canal. So I took one for the headache and found it was better for my emotional pain of loss than the pain from the headache. So this started my opiate addiction. I can actually put a date on when I became an addict.
    Well I point this out because you said that it made you feel right in mind. That could be taken several ways, but really taking any painkillers for something other than physical pain will quickly lead to an addiction that runs rampant. And another downside to using them for emotional help is that you loose the ability to cope with most every situation like you normally would. I remember about five years ago when I tried to commit suicide. it was because I was unable to get opiates and things were coming back to me that I had forgotten. The memories were so vivid and so fast and hard, I was not prepared for that! I had not coped because I had buried them with- well at this point I was using hard drugs, but opiates still-these drugs like you are taking. Not only did I not cope with certain things I didn't grieve properly in situations that called for grieving, and overall I was just generally depressed. After being on opiates for a long period depression will set in it always does.
    So all of this combined with the fact that I hated the struggle with addiction made me believe I was better off gone.
    My case is extreme probably on the more extreme end of the scale than most extreme cases. If you read about other good people on here who have reached that level of addiction you'll see our stories are very similar. And one of the similarities is that we started off about where you are now.
    Please don't be scared that's not my intent, you will not end up having the problem I did. But be aware that it could happen, especially since you see the value the pills have in other areas. And since you have at this very moment a reason to escape from emotional hurt that is the biggest reason I can think of, I just wanted to let you know this. You are at a crossroads, do not be swayed by anything in your resolve to get clean, do not prolong the act of getting clean, and you will be off in no time under a good doctors care. And you know where the other path leads I won't go there. I really felt burdened to tell you this. God bless you both. I'm here if you want to talk we all are.
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Josh,i am very proud of you man.I just wanted to say that
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  10. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Josh111187 man i've read so many stories about you and I never remember the story of your wife,well in detail i thought she had passed away.I am so sorry,i can't imagine...I'm so sorry my friend,truly.
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  11. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    yes, me too. so proud of you and grateful you are here sharing your journey with us.
  12. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Big, big love to you, @Josh111187. And mad respect, too. Add me to the list of people who are glad you're here with us. You make this community a better place. For that, I thank you.
  13. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Thank you for that link. I will try to see what I can find in my area.
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  14. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Thank you. You have answered so many of the questions that I posted about. I had no idea if 40 mg a day was of real concern. I don't have any previous experience with addiction but I do realize that I do now. I have been contemplating reducing the mg. I take and doing it slowly. I just don't know when and how to start. With everything going on in my life, it's hard sometimes to organize my thoughts about things that concern me. The worst thing that has happened when I tried to taper off a month ago was that I got the worst leg cramps and what felt like shin splints. I tried soaking them, heat, ice packs etc. but the only thing that worked was to take meds to calm the pain. Which interrupted the taper that I was attempting to do. Your idea of tapering a lot more slowly is a much better one. Someone up thread posted a website to find an addiction specialist in my area. I am going to search there too. Thanks again very much.
  15. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Josh, thank you so so much. True Concern really helped with the physical issues and you have helped so much with the psychological issues I feel like I'm facing. I am sorry to hear the story of what your wife and you have gone through. What a tender age for her to lose herself and the memory of you.

    I figured that since I joined the forum I was going to be brutally honest with what I post. And when I posted the part about the opioids making me feel mentally "OK" I almost didn't write that because it just sounded like such a cliche. I do realize that this 'normal' I feel is sort of like optimism in a pill. But as time has gone on, I have become depressed because I am stuck with an addiction that I thought that of course.... I would be different. I wouldn't be like those commercials for rehab centers. I was taking them to be able to be able to be on call in a minute for any emergency my husband would face and not have to worry about having an IBS episode on the way to the ER or to one of his many appointments. You address so many of the emotional issues that I am going through and because the state that I live in is really focusing on addiction and doctor's reporting etc etc, I get feelings of paranoia but only regarding how to get help without having the law at my door. My behaviors could jeopardize my husband's hospice care and by becoming addicted to the opioids, I involve a lot more people than just myself. It may be my age, my generation or growing up in a family that was very rule bound that this is frightening to me and before I found this forum, I didn't know where to turn.
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  16. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    If anyone is still checking this thread who posted a reply or anyone else who can help- One of the questions I forgot to ask when I posted about the number of milligrams that I have been taking, is 40 mg a day considered a huge amount? Have I really dug myself a hole so deep that I am doomed in trying to get out of it?

    I am seriously really worried what I've done to myself. I did take five mg less today as was suggested above. I am have started the taper down method to see how it goes. I've also looked at the link above and found an addiction specialist about fifty miles from where I live which isn't too bad and I am going to call and make an appt.

    I just wonder if because of all the stress I am under taking care of my husband that I am over-exaggerating and thinking that the amount I'm taking is unbeatable. BTW, if I should be posting these questions on a different forum topic, I can also post it there. Thank you to anyone who can help me either face whether I am addicted to a huge amount or if the amount I am trying to quit is not insurmountable.

    Thank you for reading this. I am on my own here and really have nowhere and no one to turn to who would even believe that I have done this to myself and/or not understand why I started taking them in the first place but instead treat me like a stereotype.
  17. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Good Morning @Reah Darr,
    I don’t know if that dose is particularly high, but in general, YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID! There is no exaggeration when it comes to actual addiction. In my opinion even if someone is just taking 5mg a day, if it effects their life negatively and/or controls your life, it’s still an addiction.

    I struggled with the same imposter feelings when I went to AA/NA, but eventually I realized that it didn’t matter how much or how long I was using for, I was an addict and they still opened their arms to me. We will always be here to do the same for you!
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  18. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Oh, and, you aren’t doomed. I hope you come to realize that.
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  19. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Reah Darr... I'm sorry, but I can't speak intelligently about your dose. But I'm thrilled that you found an addiction specialist and are going to make an appointment. Definitely see how the taper goes, okay? And we are here for you anytime you need us.
    True concern likes this.
  20. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I'm assuming 4 times a day you take 10 Mg's at a time.You are not doomed, however your right on that this way or that way line so if you do your 5mg taper down about every 5*7 day's in a bit over a month you will have your sobriety back,however I agree do this under the care of a Dr and I'm a believer in you shouldn't have to hurt physically but you need a professional to help you figure that out.Stay Strong and God Bless
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