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Complex reasons for oxycodone use. Don't know where to turn

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by Reah Darr, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. Shrei

    Shrei Member

    Thank you so much
    I’m starting today I pray I’m
    Over this in a few weeks and
    Have my life back.
    deanokat likes this.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    awesome news! congrats on another day!! proud of you! write as often as you need to !!!
    Reah Darr and True concern like this.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    You are very welcome, @Shrei. That's what we're here for.
    Reah Darr likes this.
  4. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Thank you so much.
    deanokat likes this.
  5. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Hello everyone. As I said before, I am writing here to keep myself motivated. @Shrei please feel free to read my original post here because the advice and ideas I have been given have changed my life for the better today. I started taking oxycodone to be able to manage my Crohn's - type disease to be able to be 'on call' for my terminal husband. But it also was for pain as well.

    OK. Now, here is something that I thought might give everyone here who has been so nice a good laugh for today. First off, I am now at the 25 mg / day point. That's down from a high of 40 to 60 mg per day depending on my husband's needs and appointments. I take 5 mg at 9 a.m., 10 mg at 1 p.m., and then 10 more at 10 p.m. I've been really consistent and all is posted on my personal calendar to keep me honest and feeling successful when I am 'jonesing' for more.

    Anyway, lo and behold, I fell asleep early last night and missed my 10 p.m. 10mg dose. I wake up and taking meds wasn't the first thing I thought of. I also haven't been dreaming about them lately which was also a constant in my life due to the guilt I think. So, I reduced my dosage 10 mg without even trying last night.

    When I finally awakened properly I asked myself if I should take the 10mg dose along with the 5mg dose I am taking in the a.m. on this dose reduction calendar. I decided that no, today was a new day, and I would only take the 5mg that I allotted myself. Now it is after 1 p.m. and outside of the diarrhea (sorry folks but it is a constant now) I have taken the afternoon dose just now. So I am headed to 25 mg today as I am allowing myself. This weekend I step down to 20 mg.

    I just want to thank everyone once again for your help and encouragement. I've been told that hey 40 mg a day or less is no big deal. Well, it is a big deal to me. I haven't gone to the doctor in some time for the real pain issues I have because I am so afraid of them blood testing me and finding oxy in my blood stream. But that isn't the only reason I am doing this. I want to feel better about myself and I want to be able to look my husband's hospice nurse in the eye once again.
    lonewolves, deanokat and True concern like this.
  6. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Thank you for the link to the blog.
    deanokat likes this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I am so very proud of you,you are getting your freedom back and thats amazing.Your doing it,i knew you could,i knew you would.I love reading your updates they are so inspirational.Stay Strong and God Bless
    lonewolves, Reah Darr and deanokat like this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    You're doing great, @Reah Darr! So proud of you for making this change in your life! Sending you big hugs full of hope and encouragement!
    Reah Darr likes this.
  9. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    I am posting now because today is a really tough day. I am still keeping to my promises to myself but waking up with all the aches and pains that I was medicating... I had forgotten about how much things hurt. It's like every previous pain in my body has come back to haunt me. My husband, God love him, asked if I wanted to 'skip' today and take more to be out of pain. I told him no that I have to do this. BTW, he is aware of what I am trying to accomplish each day and in my corner, no judgmentalism, but hates to see me in pain. He understands that I need to do this for so many reasons, one being that when his time on earth is finished that my access to oxycodone ceases. I so don't want to make his passing away all about me and withdrawal symptoms. That is one of the main reasons I am doing this. Thank you for letting me post these things. I'm really trying and so far it is hard but I know I am doing what I need to do.
    Dominica, lonewolves and True concern like this.
  10. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    What a loving couple you sound like,and it's honorable that you want to actually "Be there"when he passes versus being on pills.You are doing very good and believe it or not once you totally kick the pills your pain will lessen as those aches are part of withdrawal. Stay Strong and God Bless
  11. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    I'm praying for you hard today, @Reah Darr. I hope your day gets at least a little easier. And that your pain subsides at least a little bit. We're here for you and we care.

    Big hugs.
    Reah Darr, Dominica and lonewolves like this.
  12. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Thank you for your kind encouragement. Today has been an especially hard day but now it is midnight and I have been able to stay with my schedule of 25 mg per day. This Saturday I step down to 20 mg.

    I am putting this in here because it has been on my mind for ever since I started medicating myself for reasons I've already stated. Before I found this forum, I searched for "caregiver addiction" and all I could find were references to people being addicted to caregiving. This method of addiction can't be all that uncommon.
    deanokat, Dominica and lonewolves like this.
  13. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Ya your correct,its not that rare I currently am taking care of one terminal parent and the other is rapidly chasing.I don't speak of it much because I am just not ready to peel that layer back yet
  14. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Reah Darr and deanokat like this.
  15. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Reah Darr good morning! i'm sorry yesterday was so tough.. i do hope you are feeling better today. i'm so proud of you for working on your recovery. and i pray for you and your husband to be able to enjoy each day as it arrives together....

    glad we can be here for you! hugs!
    Reah Darr and deanokat like this.
  16. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    How are you doing today, @Reah Darr? I hope things are going better. And happy Friday to you!

    Sending you love, encouragement, and prayers.
    Reah Darr and Dominica like this.
  17. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Hi all. I usually don't post until I've finished another day properly. Today is different. I have stepped down to 20mg today and I found myself doing everything I could to make the hours go by until I allow myself the next dose. I took 5 at 11 a.m., 5 at 1 p.m., and now finally 10mg at 7 p.m. What is scaring me is that all that is on my mind is when I can take the next dose. I still do not have leg pains which is the best part of this weaning program because when I tried to stop cold turkey, as I said earlier, I had horrific leg pains from withdrawal.

    Despite the above, I am keeping to the schedule and keeping myself honest by logging all of this on the weaning calendar. I don't know if taking the 10 at night is the best way to go though.

    Thank you again for all your kind messages. It's hard but so far it is do-able.
    Dominica and lonewolves like this.
  18. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Reah Darr... Are you keeping relatively busy between doses? If not, maybe try and find something to keep you occupied. When you're not keeping busy, it's only natural for your mind to think about things like when the next dose is. I know that sounds simple, but maybe give it a try?
    Dominica and Reah Darr like this.
  19. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Hello all. It's afternoon where I am and I don't know if I will be able to post late tonight. I am still on target. I haven't taken more than 20 mg / day since Saturday. This is not easy. I feel this thing I can only describe as hunger pains in my stomach and I have been eating so it's not real hunger pangs. I keep drinking fluids to try to make it hurt less and that does help a little. I didn't realize that the meds were quelling these. It does make sense though since opioids slow down the GI tract. I cannot wait to finally go to a gastroenterologist for some real diagnostic work to try to live with this chronic problem. I have put it off since I medicated my bad guts so effectively BUT so illegally. And placed my husband in a terrible position if it was exposed that I was taking his left over meds. Thank you for letting me type this here. At 7 pm this evening I take my last scheduled pill for the day. Rather than taking it early, I decided to type here and read some other threads to bolster my resolve.
    deanokat, True concern and lonewolves like this.
  20. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Yesterday was a very busy day by my standards. I had to take my husband to a specialist and we spent four hours away from home. And yes, it DID help to be occupied. I thought of your post here when in the midst of being away from home and instead of obsessing on 'when can I take my next dose?' I was present and very involved with my husband's oncologist etc. So I need to figure out more away time and less screen time. Thank you.