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Complex reasons for oxycodone use. Don't know where to turn

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by Reah Darr, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Cold milk helped those "Hunger"pains for myself and I believe it's the way it coats as it goes into your stomach usually it feels very cold when it makes it to the exact spot in your stomach where the issue is.Stay Strong you are doing fantastic, nothing worth doing is ever easy but it's worth it for a reason
    Reah Darr and deanokat like this.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    Glad it helped to be busy.... I'm sure knowing this will help you now :) I hope you have a beautiful day @Reah Darr
    Reah Darr and deanokat like this.
  3. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Good evening/early morning. This Saturday I step down five mg. Because my husband is ill, I've had to take on a lot of the 'heavy lifting.' Tonight it was hauling in twenty bags of groceries (I stock up :) ). And as a result, I hurt my back. A few years ago I fell onto my sacrum and screwed it up. So when I get back pains I can't sit down. It's either lay down or stand up.

    My husband feels that 'husband guilt' because he can't do very much anymore. Up until midnight he was pressuring me into taking an extra 10 mg to try to kill the back pain. I just couldn't do it. I think I am now obsessive about following the schedule I created and I am not sure if that is healthy or not.

    Since I am taking 20 mg / day now, I waited until after midnight and took 1/2 of Friday's dose which was the 10 mg. that he had been pressuring me to take. He is my biggest cheerleader in this taper down program but he hates to see me in pain. So, I am hoping that the pain is temporary and better when I wake up.

    And I hope that I can go through the rest of Friday and only take the 10 mg that I have left and allotted myself.

    Thanks for just letting me write this out. It is the only place that I feel safe in talking about this other than with my husband. I hope I can make it through the rest of the day. I also hope that being this obsessive about keeping to the taper down schedule is not something that I need to change because so far it's worked for me. I really don't know if that is a sign of something I should worry about.
  4. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I say obsesse away about your sobriety and once you get there (Sobriety) you can work on other thing's in your life that may seem to take to much of you from you but for now I wouldn't look at being committed to sobriety as a fault, I pray your pain ease's up tomorrow and you can continue with your taper plan.Stay Strong and God Bless
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Thanks for updating us, @Reah Darr. I'm sorry you hurt your back. I will be praying for you today. I hope you can make it through the rest of the day on your daily allotment. You are an amazing woman. I just want you to know that.
    Dominica, Reah Darr and True concern like this.
  6. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    First, thank you deanokat and True Concern. My back is a tiny bit better and I am going to try to obsess as much as I need to.

    Keeping myself honest by writing here. I took that 10 mg so early yesterday and was so afraid of the day that followed before I could take the second 1/2 of my yesterday's dose. As the morning went on, I was getting more and more anxious that I couldn't keep to my schedule. The only thing that I knew I could do to even try was to sleep. My husband was comfortable and OK and so I lay down and I did fall asleep. I slept for quite some time... waking up to check on my husband who had decided he needed to nap too. I made it to 7 p.m. and I took the 10 mg. And then I made it to midnight. I kept to the schedule.

    It's now almost 5 a.m. where I live and today is marked on the calendar as a step down day to go the next week at 15 mg per day. I am having back pain again and I took 5 mg moments ago of the 15 I will take today. Please keep me in your prayers or thoughts that I will be able to do this today. And thank you for giving me this space to write this down.
  7. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    hi there!

    Thank you for the updates. I think it's wonderful that you are keeping to your schedule and even obsessing about it. Whatever it takes to get you weaning off of these I say is alright! As long as it's healthy, of course!

    I'm sorry that you hurt your back carrying in groceries. Please try to rest your back this weekend so that it can heal up. Perhaps you can feed your soul some inspiring or motivating things this weekend to keep you in a great frame of mind. The mind is an incredible machine, and it can come up with 100 excuses as to why you should take more than you are on schedule to and it can even produce more pain. Addiction is a very Sly thing, so keep this in mind and try not to listen to its antics.

    I agree with Dean that I think you are an amazing woman. You're going through quite a bit right now with your husband's illness and you tapering off of this medication. And I'm sure plenty of other things in your life. But the thing is, you are doing it and you're doing alright. I want you to give yourself a really big hug right now and love yourself Right Where You Are. I'm sending you extra prayers today, and I do hope that you have a great day!
    deanokat, Reah Darr and True concern like this.
  8. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Thank you Dominica. Yes, I do have a lot on my mind right now. Family things, freelance job that I am supposed to be working on and putting off, and behind in submitting medical bills for reimbursement. The things that keep a household runnimng. And a sink full of dishes. My husband has such a hard time sleeping and insists on getting up and then promptly falls asleep with his head on his computer.

    I was able to step down to 15 mg allotment yesterday and didn't increase my dose. I just took 5 mg of today's 15 mg allotment. I pray I can stay on track. I get very upset very easily and I know that part of it is my brain sort of waking up while my body is craving more oxycodone. My husband told me that I kicked him quite a bit last night and that it appeared like I was trying to stretch out leg cramps in my sleep so although I don't have the burning and absolutely on fire leg symptoms that I had when going cold turkey, it apparently is still affecting my legs. But since I am asleep I don't experience negative symptoms to I'm not going to be concerned. I'm a heavy sleeper!

    I have found that napping is the most effective way to get through the hours between doses when all else fails. I have decided not to judge myself on how I am making it through this tapering down. I am afraid of the next couple of weeks and what it will be like when I don't take any at all. I want to start making my doctor's appointments that I have neglected but I have to be sure that the oxycodone is completely out of my system. I need to find out how long after my last dose, which will be a week of 5 mg daily, will these drugs be gone from my bloodstream. But that is for another day and another time. But for now I appreciate being able to come here and write all of this out. Thank you everyone for your kind words and encouragement.
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I am so proud of you, keep it up YOU are doing it.Stay Strong and God Bless
    Reah Darr, deanokat and Dominica like this.
  10. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Reah Darr congrats on sticking to your plan yesterday!! and definitely don't judge yourself... you're doing this and i'm super proud of you!
    Reah Darr, True concern and deanokat like this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, @Reah Darr. I'm happy to hear you were able to step down again yesterday. You're making amazing progress!

    Sending you lots of hope, encouragement and hugs today!!
    Reah Darr and True concern like this.
  12. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Hi everyone. Thank you for your words of encouragement.

    I am still on track with tapering down. I haven't cheated. The rest sucks. Legs ache, guts are a wreck, and rib pain that is constant is full blown again. As I said earlier, I started down this path of getting hooked on these things for purely physical pain and bad guts. I had forgotten how much I did hurt. All I want to do is stop the taper to make the pain and bad guts back off. But if I do that, I will be back where I was when I first posted here. I read that post over again just to remind myself how desperate I was.

    Another day tomorrow to stay the course. BUT it really DOES suck!
  13. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    I'm really glad to hear that you're still with the plan, however I am sorry to hear about the physical struggles. I do hope that you're feeling better soon. I know this may be way out there and may not be up your alley, but have you ever listened to guided meditations? I find that they help me in various ways, when I'm dealing with anxiety and sometimes physical things too. Just helps me get my mind off of those things and helps me become more peaceful. For me I just searched "guided meditations" on YouTube and put some headphones on and listen. It's just a thought and thought I'd put it out there. Might not cure you, but maybe offer a respite.

    Super proud of you for keeping to your schedule and thank you so much for continuing to share your journey here with us.
    Reah Darr, True concern and deanokat like this.
  14. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    I'm proud of you and the progress you're making, @Reah Darr. Stay the course, because you don't want to go back to square one if at all possible. Also, I may have suggested this before, but maybe think about taking some probiotics for your gut issues. They might really help you.

    One day at a time, my dear. Let us know if we can be of help on your journey.
    Dominica, Reah Darr and True concern like this.
  15. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Reah Darr your amazing, as for the bad guts prior to accelerating your addiction, did you have a colonoscopy ?If not I think you should consider asking your Dr for this test as it could shed some light on what's going on and possibly find a much better, less addictive treatment. As for the constant pain you have in your ribs here is something to consider, so pain pills are supposed to only be taken for a short period of time for a few reasons, one being the risk of addiction and we are all on this site in one way or another due to addiction, the other reason is extended exposure to pain pills actually makes pain much worse because it makes the pain receptors hyper active causing the pills to work less which in turn leads to increasing the amount of pills so though it's not immediately after you quit but indeed after a person gets off pain pills for awhile the pain receptors slowly calm down and eventually the pain will decrease without the pills,however since you have had this pain in the same spot for some time I would also ask your Dr for an x-ray of your very well may have a cracked rib that won't heal because you have masked the pain with pills and never took the time to allow it to heal properly. I understand your situation is tough partly because you are a care giver to the man you love and I commend you for that it's truly heart warming to here of such loyal's a very happy mental image for myself to know such love does exist,but even in this tough situation you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of him.Stay Strong and focused as you have been and I have no doubt you will indeed figure this situation out both for yourself and for your husband. Again I am so proud of you. God Bless and Take Care
    Dominica, Reah Darr and deanokat like this.
  16. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    I am embarrassed and angry at myself. I stepped down to ten mg last Friday and thought I was doing pretty well. I made it through Friday OK. On Saturday, I fell off the taper down program I set up for myself. I ended up taking thirty mgs instead of ten. Yesterday, Sunday, I took 20 (or maybe even 30) and didn’t go to my calendar so I am not sure which it was.

    I think I got ahead of myself. Feeling pride in what I was doing, I reached out to a friend who has been sober for thirty years to tell her my story. Now I feel like I was fooling myself. The pain in my ribs comes from fluid on my lung that was diagnosed earlier this year. The follow up scan showed that it had gone away all on its own. I thought that the pain was gone as well. Now with the lesser pain meds it has come back.

    I also think that I upped the medication because the sense of calmness mentally turns out to be addictive. It disappeared when I got down to 10 mg.

    One of the reasons I want to quit is I definitely have to see the gastro-enterologist but I wanted to be free of the meds in my system so I could tell him what I have been through but also test clean so I can start from square one.

    I’m just so angry at myself for failing at this point. I am posting all of this to remind myself that I am not as strong as I thought I was.
  17. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Reah Darr good morning. i'm sorry you got off track..but now you have learned some things, and you can move on applying these things to your life.... perhaps look for other ways to add calmness to your mental life... meditation, prayer, music, nature, etc...whatever may work for you.

    dust yourself off and get back on track. we are here to support you...and remind you recovery is a zig-zagging road with ups and downs, but you don't have to walk it alone. we're here...and we are reminding you that you're a good soul...and you can do this...and you ARE doing this...

    have you made the appt. with the gastro dr. yet? maybe set a date you have in mind where you'd like to be off the pills and make the appt. for then... something to think about.
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  18. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    You didn't fail, @Reah Darr. You just hit a bump in your road to recovery. It happens. And there's no reason to be embarrassed about it. Or angry at yourself. Just do like @Dominica said: Get up, dust yourself off, and get back on track. We are all human beings and no human being is perfect. Thank God!

    We are here for you, my dear. Help. Support. Advice. Listening ears. Whatever you need, you can find it here. We're all behind you 100%.
    True concern, Reah Darr and Dominica like this.
  19. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Don't be so hard on yourself, I know easier said than done. Here is something a lot of opiate addicts don't know but I hope it help's. Opiates Constrict the lung's making it harder to process each breath,making it harder to take each breath,also making it harder to cough out or eliminate any fluid in our lungs so basically the pain pills are most likely the cause of your pain as the more you take the more fluid builds up in your lung's. So once you got down to ten or fifteen mgs your lung's are causing pain because the fluid has come back and at ten mgs it sound's like your lung's were getting ready to start breaking the fluid down,which will cause pain.So again im not a Dr. .....I've been there personally. The pain pills are the cause of your lung's taking on fluid which I believe is the cause of your rib pain. Stay Strong and God Bless
    Reah Darr, deanokat and Dominica like this.
  20. Reah Darr

    Reah Darr Active Contributor

    Thank you for your help. I will post again when I get back on track. I plan on changing one thing for sure. Not to get ahead of myself. I learned the real meaning of one day at a time. Your advice on how to begin again makes sense. Honestly I am afraid to get my lung looked at again. I have to take care of my husband and it is getting more intensive. I DID also learn that keeping busy works best for me. That and napping to make the time go by. OK, I'm out of words. I really hope that I can do this.