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Complex reasons for oxycodone use. Don't know where to turn

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by Reah Darr, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Thank You.
  2. Liola

    Liola Senior Contributor

    You know, True Concern,
    I am not sure how it works. I've known my addictionologist for about 8 years...however long i've been struggling going in and out of being clean and relapsing. I've been using him of course only when I'm getting clean and then when I am I usually don't see him except at a meeting as he goes to NA also. I would for sure recommend one because they know whatever you're going through physically...not so much for emotional things. For like anti depressant needs they would be a good guide on what you should do or who specializes in that area for addicts. There are special psychiatrists that say they specialize in addiction. I went to one about a month ago and he wasn't for me. He wanted to put me on some drug I never heard of Rexalti or something like that and I feel that until my body is straightened out like in a year from all the drugs and damage i did to my body and brain, that I want to see how things settle out before I make any diagnosis on my emotions. I'm trying to just get and stay clean and be ok. My emotional swings are normal for someone who always had a drug in me of some sort. Be it the cocaine mixed with the oxy or somas or percocets or whatever!!! I always had something to what i thought would shift my gears. Yeah, kept me from knowing how to feel or react appropriately to anything and mostly how to feel comfortable. My big issues are i don't like to be uncomfortable at all....with food (dieting), exercise, smoking, and drugs.
    And believe it or not, I used to be a marathon runner in my late 30's. I was healthy at one point! I can't seem to get there in my older age. At least not yet. But I keep trying and that is all you can do too as you know.
    Do you go to any meetings? I forgot.
    The meetings and sponsor are where i get the most support that i need. Be careful because some addictionologist are huge suboxone pushers and some comfort drugs that are as hard to get off of for anxiety etc than anything else! I know, that is what i am going through. They did a huge mis service to me at my detox place with ativan, soma and adderal. The soma is the hardest to be off of. I am having all kinds of effects like tennitis....ringing bells in my ear at night. I don't sleep...all keep me irritable. So the meetings daily and a daily call to my sponsor help give me a place to both dump my emotional stuff out and hear myself try to use the solutions or tools as they are called.
    There is just no easy pill or solution except going through it all to get through it as my sponsor says.
    An addictionologist isn't the only answer but if you find a good one they can guide you. But so can a good sponsor and for free!
    Are you having any specific problems you can identify?
    I just remembered how i found my addictionologist: i was doctor shopping back in those years and we had the pill mills...a pharmacist at a local pharmacy instead of reporting me to the police or whoever (i was going to different pharmacies too) referred me to him so that might be a person to get a referral of one from...they know. Even if your DOC is cocaine, they know the addictionologist.
    As for a firm answer to your question on if they help when you are trying to stay clean in the beginning, I don't know what they would do for you. Its usually to get off an opiate with suboxone than how to stay clean. Like I said there is no magic unfortunately for that :(
    The only medical thing (addictionologist are obviously MD's) that supposedly helps with relapse prevention is for opiates like the shot vivitrol. I never took it but they say it helps but I don't think there is anything for cocaine. And I think that is your DOC. Right? Thats what the meetings and steps are for....old fashioned hard work and living one minute or hour or day at a time as I know you would tell someone.!
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2018
    Dominica, deanokat and True concern like this.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @True concern... "Addictionologist" is, I believe, just another term for an "addiction specialist," which @Dominica explained in her post. The document at the link below, which is from the American Society of Addiction Medicine's website, might help explain what is expected from an addiction specialist.

    https://www.asam.org/advocacy/find-...ction-and-substance-related-health-conditions

    Hope this helps!
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  4. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Liola You hit on my current issue's almost perfectly as you are thinking in much the same way, so honestly my True drug of choice is alcohol, alcohol always lead me to meth,meth always makes me hate myself extremely because I don't like where it takes my mind,I always start thinking suicidal with meth because it makes me super depressed as it constantly makes me play back my failures in life,after that opiates were my go to so as I wait on surgery for the past 8 month's unfortunately I have had to be on low dose opiates, but for extended time over 6 month's so I will go through a physical detox after I heal from surgery however I'm not counting my pain meds as using this time because well I can't hardly stand or walk without them and my parent's need help so whatever my pain may be now or later I will never turn a cold shoulder to my parent's as I love them dearly and both are in bad health,good news is surgery is right around the corner. My main problem is emotional as you touched on now sober I think back a lot and really for the past 20 year's while I abused the memories people have of me isn't even me,so trying to live with all the bad I've done while using really makes me cry a lot because I am not my addiction and I'm still learning myself who I truly am as that 20 year representation of me isn't accurate so that's where I struggle a lot because I just have a genuine love for humanity now but for 20 year's it appeared I had a genuine hate for humanity.The difference for me using versus sober is so drastic it's unbelievable, but to get my loved one's to understand that and other's is tough and I cringe at the persona I was and I fear I can never erase it or replace it but I push forward.
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  5. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

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  6. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    :rolleyes:
    True concern likes this.
  7. Liola

    Liola Senior Contributor

    Hi again True Concern...
    i'm responding here because i don't know how else to so i hope thats ok...i am trying to get ready for my 8pm na meeting but i wanted to send a quick reply.
    you too touched on things i don't think i told you and are so similar to my life...i think that is why this forum works and why meetings work...the common bonds of life and then throw in that we are addicts with the drug choice not even important...and we struggle with ourselves living life. When you think about it, isn't that ridiculous that people are dying of diseases where abstinence isn't the solution and there is only death? I know my brother who had cancer would have done anything to be able to live by detoxing (and it is hard. not minimizing it or even just getting clean for 1 day...breaking that cycle is the hardest part for me). and going to meetings or a therapist. We can. And we can together so we are all here for you i know i can say for everyone like deanokat and dominica and everyone else.

    i had to have a hip revision from a bad surgeon and was in pain for a year or more before i went somewhere else and was told the wrong size was put in and on a tendon. That doctor kept writing me morphine scripts. But he didn't force me. I gladly took them. Then suboxone for a year to get off those. Then i needed the revision and then about a year later the other hip (from running and arthritis). That was after i had discovered oxy and that last surgery I had to wait for the dr schedule to clear. It was a couple of months and they put me on oxy in the meantime. Ha! Continued it afterwards through my addictionologist who I was lying to because i was buying them also on the street as well as what he prescribed. What a mess. And I too have an older parent, my mom who is 92 and still thankfully lives on her own since my dad died yrs ago but i'm the only daughter and a lot falls on me to fill her world.
    I have drawn boundaries since getting out of detox this time because the weight and stress and taking care of everyone and everything is too much and keeps me sick. Its so hard because she always supported me through whatever relapses i've had and loves me so much and i her. Thankfully my husband helps me a lot with her.

    But i can relate to all you say. From surgery to memories to hating myself but...
    i am working on not shooting those arrows at myself and talking to myself better in my head and talking it all out with my sponsor.

    i will say one more time. Please whether you are using, not using, slip, get clean, slip...whatever...it doesn't matter in an na meeting. You wouldn't be judged and you'd have one hour of a really safe place to go, be loved and understood and also get much needed support. i can promise you that. You can be real and be who you are and scream cry or listen or whatever you want...
    it is only needed that you have a desire to stop. And your honesty is amazing...that is going to save you and I'm touched that you relate to me.

    ok, enough preaching and i'm off...write when you can.
    deanokat, True concern and Dominica like this.
  8. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Liola @True concern you both are true inspirations here in the forum. thank you for sharing a big part of your life here with us, and the world. ya'll ought to be proud of yourselves.... you're trying, progressing, having some victories, overcoming obstacles, and encouraging others!!!

    that's pretty amazing. love you both!
    deanokat, Liola and True concern like this.
  9. Liola

    Liola Senior Contributor

    Dominica,
    I looked at your blog. My husband is the one who pointed it out in small print at the bottom of your posts. I can't wait to go through all those writings! I just got home from my meeting and the past 2 days have not only been extremely challenging for me but i've pushed myself way too much with things that needed to be done like getting groceries! My husband has been juggling work and doing all the grocery shopping and most of the dog walking and I've picked them back up but I can't keep stressing my days with going from one errand to another next week again and my week is already booked. I need to really still keep it simple: pray, stay clean, straighten my home (feed my ocd!), get to a meeting and call my sponsor along with one thing a day like the store or a manicure or something...not everything! So that is why i've been on here sort of sporadically. But one thing i will do is go through your blog. I look forward to it.
    Thank you for your words to me and True Concern...you have a very nice way of expressing yourself.
    I hope we ALL have a good night.
    deanokat, Dominica and True concern like this.
  10. True concern

    True concern Community Champion


    Awesome, I have just read half the post in your blog...It was amazing for me as I never saw it before midnight and I guess I am making progress. I just said I believe yesterday "I am not my addiction "somewhere on here and as I read through your blog I noticed a comment you made "You are not your pain".I will read the rest today but it was nice to see indeed other's understand. Thank you for being real in the most sincere,vulnerable way,it helped me and I know it will help other's. Your's is a fight for inner peace,joy,love,as well as a love for humanity....truly touching and it meant a lot for me to see a piece of your soul..its truly beautiful in there:):confused::confused::po_O:)
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  11. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    Thank you... means a lot!! I'm glad you were able to get some insight out of reading it!! :) <3
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  12. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    You are both totally badass humans, @True concern and @Liola. Keep moving in the right direction. And know that there are better things down the road. And that we are here to, hopefully, make your journey a little easier...and your load a little lighter. :)
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  13. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @deanokat my brother you help probably more than you realize,I've said it before and I'll say it again I am truly grateful for the support, encouragement, and love you have shown,I could never thank you enough
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  14. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    :)
  15. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @True concern @Liola

    I know you’re tired, I know you feel like giving up, but you’re not going to. You know why? Because you are strong, and when you’re survived through all the **** your addiction has put you through, you can survive recovery. Anonymous
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  16. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Thank You so much for this,you will never know why this means so much to me but it does
    deanokat likes this.