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confused and unsure

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by alone, Oct 28, 2014.

  1. alone

    alone Member

    I am a very concerned wife at the end of her rope. Our relationship is more than failing, and i feel so alone and unsure about everything. My husband had many drug problems as a teen and experienced many traumatizing events. Still we fell in love and got married young after being together for a couple years. We've been together for nearly 7 years and now everything is chaos. I always had suspicions that they were involved with drugs but I really only thought it would be something like marijuana, but I'm extremely worried now. I found a small packet of crystals in the bathroom, when i confronted the issue he told me a story of giving a ride to a friends mom who was involved with drugs and instead of money she gave him this packet of "bath salts" I wasn't convinced. So when i looked up bath salts they were not the same thing, the substance I found was glassy like tiny shards. But when i looked up meth the images were exact. There are many other signs such as toilet paper in the trash shaped like a pipe, the obsessive behavior, and once i found a pipe under the washing machine. The problem is that I am completely unknown to drugs what they look like, how you use them what they do. So i thought it was for marijuana but it was so strange and i was puzzled as to how he used it. Until i researched meth and that pipe was the one that was hidden. He of course said a friend hid it there so his parents wouldn't find it but I just don't think so. Him and his friends all had a history of meth they used it for a while until they decided to stop because of what it was doing. But im sure that things are different his attitude, and way of being he can be so nice but then change so quickly. There are things that discourage me from thinking its meth because he doesn't scratch, or have bad teeth, he doesn't have a sex drive, at all really! He still functions in a way that shows he's there such as looking for a job, he lost weight, and is very insomniac but still looks healthy. I'm so unsure and I really don't know if its something he's using or selling. I'd like help i just don't know where to turn.
  2. geegee

    geegee Active Contributor

    It sounds like a really tough situation. It does seem like he is using. Even if he wasn't, he seems to be doing some shady things. Try to talk to him without being confrontational. Ask him if he's having some problems. If he becomes defensive or aggressive don't push it. Talk to someone close to you both who can confront him regarding the situation. If things get scary, please please please don't hesitate to think of your safety first okay?
  3. LostmySis

    LostmySis Senior Contributor

    If you have children, be very concerned. Leaving poison around where the children could find it is very dangerous. My gut tells me he is using. But whether he is using or dealing, he is putting you in a potentially bad situation. What if he was arrested and a warrant was served on the house? Some places would consider his stash to belong to all adults, meaning you could both be charged and the children (if any) could possibly be taken. Also keep in mind, he may be using your lack of drug knowledge against you. He can tell you anything and you would not know differently, you just said it.

    You need to do as geegee said and have a serious talk. Do not allow your life (and your family's) to turn into chaos because of his problem. You have moved in the right direction by doing research and finding this site. Continue to evaluate all the possibilities and come to your own conclusions about the right thing to do. Try to distance yourself from the situation so that you can think clearly. Good luck, and be sure to call for help if you are in a dangerous situation. Some addicts can become violent, so be careful.
  4. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    It definitely sounds like he is using, he just may not have been doing it long enough for the effects to show up in his body yet. You need to get help and have a serious talk as others have suggested. If he is using meth, he needs to go to rehab and get clean. Meth is very serious and destructive. You can not let this go on because it is a danger to you as well. Hopefully he will be willing to go to rehab, but if he refuses, you will probably need to separate until he decides to get clean. Don't continue to live in a dangerous situation because of his decisions.
  5. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I think the first important red flag would be if he lied about the meth being bath salts. If he is lying to you then the trust between both of you can be in danger because you don't sound to me like the judgmental type so I don't think there's much reason to lie. I'd recommend just trying to get the truth out of him as calmly as possible and to look at your options and what you are willing to do for each scenario. He is the only one who will be able to tell you the whole truth of what is going on and if you are somehow able to draw out a truthful conversation with him then you could find out what problems there are to solve.
  6. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I read your story and hope you have been able to find some answers to your questions. It's sounds like a very difficult place to be not being able to know the truth about your spouse and what he might be involved with. That feeling of being alone can be very daunting.

    I believe that you have to come to the right place and hopefully you will be provided with the necessarily tools to hopefully save both you and your husband. I have limited knowledge of the substance, but know it is not a substance to be taken likely. In fact it can be quite dangerous if he is in fact using. I found the resource section in this forum quite informative in connection with meth. Perhaps you should take a look and see how the information might assist you.

    I should add that you need not feel alone. From what I have read here you are surrounded by people who are willing to help.
  7. terrainna

    terrainna Member

    I'm so sorry to here about the uncertainty concerning your husband. I understand that can be a scary place to be. I know this may seem like an obvious answer but I have always believed in simplicity. Sit and talk to your husband and genuinely express your concern. Talk to his friends before hand. Don't worry about offending them but also don't accuse them. Explain it to them and pray they understand.

    You are his wife and you have every right to take control of this situation and get to the bottom of it. Be brave. Comfort it head on. Do it out of love.
  8. cdeane

    cdeane Member

    Please know that you’re not alone! You have to take care of yourself before trying to help your husband. There are some signs that can prove whether it is a Meth addiction or not. An unusual chemical smell on his clothes or body is one sign that it could be Meth. Another sign is being jittery and/or unable to stand still. Irrational behavior is also a sign of a Meth addiction, but this is a sign of many other drug addictions as well. Some other signs are rapid and repetitive talking or movements and loss of interest in activities. Weight loss can also occur. If you can confirm those things and feel that he does, indeed, have an addiction to Meth it would be much safer for you to leave for a while. Of course, you can try to talk to him if you still have doubts, but things can get chaotic if he is using and you confront him about it. I know it probably sounds like the last thing you want to do, but if you stay you could be in danger. Leave the situation and once you are in a safe place, try to help him get the help he needs. There’s no way to force it. Once you leave, hopefully he will realize that it’s time to get help.
  9. Davienna

    Davienna Community Champion

    Don't feel discouraged, it seem he is using it but the fact that he lied to you may mean that he is in need of help but is scared of telling you about his addiction. It is really not as easy as many would make it seem, even if he trusts you, he may be still concerned and fearful of you leaving him if he told you about his addiction. Your husband needs professional help but it is not wise to just go ahead and point fingers; I do however think that you have enough reasons to say he is using the drug. Be slow but get something concrete, a picture would be good or if you can catch him in the act; then let him know your concerns and from there you will know which steps to take as he may share things with you that you did not know was bothering him. Hopefully he will choose to go to rehab.