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Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by Lbb, Jul 18, 2015.

  1. Lbb

    Lbb Member

    I am trying to help my girlfriend through a habbit. She wants to stop I have read a number if things that provide some guidance. I know she is still using should I throw her stuff away or sit and continue to know she is using?
  2. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Hello Lbb. Thank you for sharing your concern with us.

    I'm hearing anger, frustration and desperation. It's difficult when trying to support someone close to you who has a substance abuse problem but it is more difficult when you are angry. You may say something that you may regret later.

    From what you stated it sounds like your girlfriend has been gone and you're frustrated because you suspect she is doing drugs. I understand that horrible feeling. Depending on how important this relationship is to you I wouldn't throw away her things until you talk with her about your intent. She needs to understand that you have a life as well. And this is where your ultimatum comes in. And you need to be pretty sure it's what you want.

    The ultimatum is that she seeks help or the relationship is over.

    There will be others responding soon. Look into other forums you may find help there as well.

    Be well Lbb.
  3. suegiplaye

    suegiplaye Member

    I think you should confront her about it. At least if you do it will not cause her to be surprised when she sees that her stuff is being thrown away. The best help you can give her is to refuse to watch her use and just sit there.You have to help her take steps in quitting by throwing it away.
  4. sonia11

    sonia11 Senior Contributor

    Do you two live together? If you live together and you are paying the rent/mortgage, or at least partially, then you have the leverage to throw her stuff away. I wouldn't do it without telling her, though. Lay the truth on the line. Tell her "I cannot have the thing that is fueling your addiction in my home. You need to make the effort to be sober here, or our relationship is over." It sounds harsh but she is an addict. Giving any leeway is not going to help her change.
  5. JessiFox

    JessiFox Active Contributor

    It's a little difficult without knowing more details but it sounds like this relationship is important to you and you want to help. I think you have to remember that she's not entirely herself right now and she does need help but nothing you can say or do will have a lasting impact unless she WANTS the help. Try talking with her and figuring out where she's at mentally right now.
  6. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

  7. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Confront her and let her know that you know she is still using. Tell her how it makes you feel and what she is doing to your relationship. It is hard to help someone when they don't want to help themselves. She has to want to clean up for herself and if she is not at that point then sadly no matter what you say or do will make little difference. Don't give up on her. She needs you and it sounds like you really love her a lot and you want to make the relationship work.
  8. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    Sometimes it is very hard for us to see our love ones who are ruining their life for personal reasons we don't know. If you really love and care for your girlfriend let her feel your concern for her. Don't just sit and watch her still using that kind of bad substance. Make her aware that you know it and that you want her to stop using it. There is no harm in taking chances talking to her that what she is doing is wrong and will ruin her life.
  9. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    @OP, keep it in mind that beating an addiction isn't easy. Someone may have this strong desire to change but finds it impossible to fight and overcome the cravings. I understand your frustration. It's perfectly normal to be angry when you learn that your GF is still using drugs when you thought she'd stopped. But anyone who wants to help an addict must be willing to give them one more chance, and another and another . . .

    This is the time she needs you and your support more than ever. Desert her not. Don't throw her stuff out. Keep it as evidence. Confront her with the evidence. Find out if she really was serious about fighting her addiction . . .
  10. suegiplaye

    suegiplaye Member

    Be her support. Try to show her to a local rehab. Don't turn your back on her. Don't give up. You could be a pillar for her so when she recovers he will never forget all you did for her.