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Convincing partner to quit smoking

Discussion in 'Tobacco / Nicotine' started by Taylor Dewkesbury, Oct 31, 2014.

  1. Hi all,

    I'm pretty new to the forum, but have been a long-time lurker and have learned so much from everyone's contributions here. Hoping someone will be able to help me with my problem!

    My partner and I both smoke about 10 cigarettes a day - he has for about eight years, me for five. I'm very much ready to kick the habit; I'm working out a lot more and am finding my endurance certainly isn't what it used to be! Only thing is, my partner isn't.

    He says he hopes he won't be smoking by the time he's 30 (he is 26 now), but won't put any plan into place to give it up with me, and changes the subject every time I bring it up. I know I should be setting a good example by going through the process first and showing him it's not impossible, but I feel it would be too hard unless we do it together.

    Does anybody have any advice?
  2. geegee

    geegee Active Contributor

    Ah, sorry I commented here not to give advice. I'm leaving a comment so I can get notified of the advice other people might have. I have the same problem as you. Well, I smoke more than my partner actually, but I really want to try to kick the habit too. He feels like he can stop anytime since he smokes less than ten sticks a day so he's not that motivated to really stop. It's hard to decrease my smoking when I see him smoke though.
    Joseph likes this.
  3. Survivor21

    Survivor21 Member

    Hey there! Thank you for your post. I've been smoking since thirteen years now and I'm 29 years old. The buddy system is a really good idea for quitting smoking. If you need someone to help you kick the habit first, msg me. I'd be definitely up for it because I'm trying to kick the habit too.
  4. valiantx

    valiantx Community Champion

    There is no convincing any human that he/she should quit any addiction, it will never happen! Convincing an addict, is like asking a blind man/woman to see what you see, yet no matter how hard you try, the blind individual will never see what you see.

    From my own researches and experiences, it is better to show a human the benefits of not being an addict, than to show them the negative effects of being an addict - humans like positive and beneficial things that can change their lives, much more than being told he/she is being or doing something that is self-defeating. The word "convince", literally means,"to prove guilty or overcome an argument," which I have already written above does not help change an addict. Also, an addict, must be willing and then do what it takes to stop their addiction - no external man or woman, can help him/her have the courage to accomplish this feat.
    Zyni likes this.
  5. calebmelvern

    calebmelvern Member

    Maybe you can just start kicking the habit and show him the positive effects it will cause. That might convince him to follow suit and quit smoking as well. By the sounds of it, it seems he's still not ready and is in the denial stage. Also, don't think that it'd be too hard if you won't do it at the same time. It certainly is possible if you're really determined to ditch the habit.
  6. La.oui

    La.oui Member

    Hi there! :) Like I've suggested Geegee in another forum thread, I would suggest building a reinforcement schedule for you and your partner. Set boundaries, achievable goals that will be rewarded when met. This is actually a method used in behavioral psychology that some practitioners adhere to and suggest. If you have any questions about it, I'm glad to answer and be of help.
    geegee likes this.
  7. Ronsa

    Ronsa Active Contributor

    This is a difficult situation. I believe the most important thing is to talk with him about the determination to quit smoking as soon as possible. It is likely that your partner has not yet prepared for quitting. Any efforts made to quit smoking will be useless until both you and he get settled to quit smoking together. Try talking to him to get his consent of quitting.
  8. dpaige707

    dpaige707 Member

    Do what I did and get an E-cig! If you have the money to pay for a pack a day then you can pay for an electronic cigarette. You can get personalized one to make it a better experience and mix and match flavors. There is nothing lie trying a new flavor. The e-cig made the road to quitting easier, after 6 months, I barely needed it. Give it a try and see if it works out for you, I'm sure our boyfriend will join. If your boyfriend sees you hitting your e-cig, he is bound to ask to hit it too and he will be amazed by the flavor. The nicotine amount depends on the type you get and most are adjustable. You start out at the highest setting and lower it to lower your dependency on nicotine. I am a firsthand witness of electronic cigarettes and I have been cigarette free since a little over last year.
  9. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    Try cutting down instead. It's been working for me so far. I used to smoke about 7 to 8 sticks a day and I tried lowering the number down to 5 a day and by now I'm down to 3. Hopefully someday I will be able to cut it down to 1 and then completely. I think this is a good method because it makes the task a little less daunting.
  10. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    Turning cold turkey will be difficult to do over night. I know of only one person that did that. But that's rare. Especially when it's a house of smokers.

    What you can try to do is use the nicotine patches for the better part of the day, and when the urges to smoke over power the patch, then you can chew on some nicotine gum. True you won't be kicking the nicotine habit, but at least you won't be killing your lungs on the smoke inhalation.
  11. Morvack

    Morvack Active Contributor

    Let me know if you get any good advice. My partner is also cigarette smoker, and I am trying to get her off of it. Her grandfather does tell a pretty horrifying story. Apparently he was at the autopsy of a smoker. The doctor tapped a pencil on the lung of the smoker, and it made a very firm and hard sound. That is completely scary and nuts. I probably would be a cigar , or cigarette smoker if it weren't for the breathing problems I had as a kid. Again, if you find something that works, please give me a heads up.
  12. Determined2014

    Determined2014 Senior Contributor

    You are right, convinving is hard, but I have to say that I have done it before, I do not smoke, but I had a boyfriend who did, I tried to convince him to quit, he did so, just from me encouraging him, though he gained weight afterwards, but he has never gone back to smoking.
  13. primalclaws1974

    primalclaws1974 Senior Contributor

    You cannot force someone to quit. It makes me think of the diets I have put myself on over the years. Early on I tried to force my wife to join me. She sometimes would start with me, but quit, and then later on she refused altogether. It is the same here. He has to really want to do it. If you insist on it, it is only going to put more pressure on a highly stressful situation. I understand if he's still smoking around you it will be harder for you, but perhaps if you kick the habit it will be inspiration for him to meet that goal as well.
  14. ImMrCuriosity

    ImMrCuriosity Member

    Kicking an habit like smoking is pretty much difficult, but not impossible. All you have to do is to be persistent. Try to make a deal with your partner and put in game something that can be of his interest to quit smoking. I'm pretty sure you both will find a way to stop smoking, because you have the intention! Now that you're determined, don't give up for anything in the world, just keep chasing the goal that you've proposed to yourself, you will get it, I'm 100% sure!
  15. juliaintheclouds

    juliaintheclouds Active Contributor

    My partner quit smoking before me and he hounded me to quit for a long time before I actually did. The fact is that you can't quit on someone else's timeline, you have to quit when you are ready. I know it's difficult but if you quit first you should respect his decision to continue for the time being even though it will be difficult for you to be around.
  16. Zyni

    Zyni Community Champion

    It is a lot harder to quit when your SO smokes too and doesn't want to quit. I'm in the same boat. You have to try to do it independently of their situation, even though they still smoke around you. Yeah, it sucks, but you will be around others who smoke at times too, so it's something we have to figure out. I'll let you know if I ever figure it out.