An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Cry for help

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by Jfree253, Nov 21, 2017.

  1. Jfree253

    Jfree253 Member

    I am new to the forum and not sure what I will get from this but anything helps.

    I am 28 years old and started abusing painkillers around 20 years old, specifically oxycodone. At my worst with the pills I would spend 175 a day on 5 30mg polls and smoke them till i nodded off. March of this year I lost my 60k a year job because I was caught stealing to support my habit. I have now moved to smoking about half a gram of heroin a day as long as I have the money to do so. I have lost my car, my house, and pawned anything I own worth value. I work temp jobs that pay the same day so I can get my fix. I know that I need to enter a treatment program but I am uninsured and my family is very limited on resources. Most of my family knows i have a problem yet they do not condront me about it but it is the proverbial elephant in the room. I do not know where I go from here. My whole life I have suffered from anxiety and depression but I have never addressed these issues basically because I let my pride get in the way telling myself it was just me being weak minded. I have contemplated suicide god knows how many times as I feel it is my only option to end the misery. Im sure this is a story you have all heard and I am just another junkie but I know deep down I am better than this I just dont know what the first step should be to begin the road to recovery. Every treatment center I call seems to give the cold shoulder when I tell them I have no money or insurance. Im sure most addicts are in similar financial situations so there must be some kind of help out there. I am ready to close this chapter of my life and start repairing the damage I have done but I am feeling defeated at times due to the lack of options for recovery. Any advice? What options do I have other than suicide to end the pain I have caused? I need serious help. What should I do?
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Jfree253... Welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing your story with us. I'm sorry that you're struggling, but I'm proud of you for coming here and reaching out for help. I know that probably wasn't an easy thing for you to do, but I'm so glad you did it.

    Are you in the United States? If so, I suggest you go to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website and try their "Treatment Services Locator" tool. Here's the link:

    You just plug in your address, city, or zip code and it will return a list of treatment centers in your area. If you then click on "More Information" for those facilities, it will give you information on insurance and payment assistance. There are places that offer low-cost or no-cost treatment. You just have to look for them.

    You may also want to look for recovery advocacy groups in your area. Many of those groups work closely with treatment facilities and they sometimes have "scholarships" available for people who don't have insurance and are short on money.

    I think a good dual-diagnosis treatment facility would be a great thing for you. They can help you with both your addiction and your depression/anxiety. It's so important to treat both of those things simultaneously. If you don't, your struggle will likely continue.

    I know you can get the help you need. It might take some work to find it, but you have to keep trying. Believe me: Suicide is never the answer. If you start to have serious suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

    I am sending you tons of positive, healing energy. And even more hope and encouragement. You have a lot of life ahead of you, my friend. Please remember that you are not a bad person; you are a sick person. Addiction is not some kind of moral failing; it's a disease. And I know you can get better.

    We're here to help and support you however we can. Please don't hesitate to reach out anytime you need to.
  3. JudiB

    JudiB Member

    @Jfree253 it seems so nice that u know your problem, understand what you are facing and why. And also trying to overcome. This forum is really great and will try to help you as much as it can. All members give the lots of positivity for your recovery.

    For the depression and anxiety, you are facing along with your pills and cocaine addiction, I guess The River Source may help you. Some of my very close ones get recovered with their help and not return back to substance abuse again.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Jfree253... How are you doing? If you get a chance, check in with us and let us know. We care.
  5. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Jfree253 I want to start by saying you are not just another junkie,and to answer your question on what the first step is to recovery,you have done the first step by admitting you have a problem so i commend you for that,it is absolutely progress and a step in the correct direction.I feel the disappointment you feel in yourself as i am a recovering addict and initially started my journey with alot of the same types of statements you have made.So opiates are so tough to kick because of how sick we get without them but it is a fight worth fighting as you are worth so much more than addiction has to offer.It's been awhile since you have posted and I'm curious to know how your doing,you don't have to do this alone many of use here would be honored to be in your corner and offer advice and encouragement as best we can.Stay Strong and God Bless
    deanokat likes this.
  6. Jai50

    Jai50 Senior Contributor

    You addmit you have a problem ur reaching out. I been in rehab quite a few times. I didn't stay clean long.

    I thought death was my only way outta this opiate/heroin addiction
    I went cold turkey 2yrs ago. It wasn't easy. I also am still clean after 2yrs. I worked hard for it and I don't want to go through the sickness and the pain again. The sooner u quit the easyer it is to recover. I been in the opiates for a very long time and I'm damaged from it.
    I lost everything!!! Quit n don't look back .
  7. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Opiates are a son of a bit×h they cost me everything as well
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Great advice, @Jai50. And I'm so proud of you for being clean for 2 years. That's so awesome! Keep working hard and keep doing the next right thing!
    True concern likes this.