At about 15-16 I started taking pills, usually from family members. Then 10th grade I got a broken nose from a fight (thats when it really started) I remember begging my mom and I would not give in. She felt it was her fault cuz she would give me vicadins for cramps. After she put her foot down I would steal them until she had to lock them up. I used them as an anti depressant, needed energy, to socialize, focus in school then college. The withdrawal was the worste. It was more mental but leg cramps to headaches to fatigue yawning depression. I felt I couldn't live without putting something in my body so instead of bettering myself I only got worse. I then got into meth since the pills just wernt enough. When I got pregnant I got off the harder stuff but I was prescribed 1 vicadin a day so my son wouldn't go through detox. But I ended up doing methadone later on. I was happy to be a mom but what kind of parent does that? When he was born I had bad postpartum but after started depression meds I managed to stay clean for a while. Until I moved out of my moms and started accociating with the wrong people. I was pretty bad off. I then left my son's dad after 8 years when I decided enough was enough. It was a hard decision but I was sick of living like that. When I moved back home I continued to use the pills but it felt different. I felt lost, lonely, like I had no purpose. I was told about the suboxine program so I tried it I did great and felt good but being an opiate it was hard. After 3 dirty tests my dr. Mentioned a rehab and took me off them but I was a single mom so I couldn't do a rehab (wish I could of). 3 months later they gave me another chance. I was able to get a job and accualy be a mom. 10 months later I lost my job due to not working fast enough. Went thru a break up that crushed me so that didn't help to stay clean. I got a call saying I got approved for HUD housing in fort bragg. Once I moved on my own I never realized how bad my hometown was a trigger. This was a chance to start over for my son and to be better. It was stressful no preschool would accept him being February and childcare was expensive. I managed to stay strong and go to counseling, reach out to people. Before I isolated myself really bad. In March a year ago my best friend died due to an over dose. He was my main support and go to advice. That opened up my eyes a lot. I met my fiance 8 months later. He has helped me stay ok. He doesnt have any past addiction problems so that helps me stay clean as well. I had my 2nd child 5 months ago. Thanks to post pardom I was abusing the suboxine (it is addictive) When my mind takes over its hard to overcome it ive realized. I'm now in a 12 step program and picking up my prescription daily (my choice) so I can move on from this horrible addiction and live my life. From covering up my pain from a young age I have different things I need to work on. There's always a reason behind the using. I've learned that I'm always going to run into obstacles. The only way to get past things is to better yourself without covering up the issues. This is my story and I know its not over yet.