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Daughter coming home from prison

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by Momma9, Mar 9, 2016.

  1. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    My 24 year old daughter will be getting out of prison soon. This is her 3rd time in for the same charge. Each time she gets back out she starts using meth and doesn't meet her probation requirements and gets sent back.

    Before now my husband would not let her live with us or let me help her. She was basically homeless with only the support of her druggie friends. I am now divorced and can help.

    What was your experience helping someone coming our of prison? Will it help or just enable? I have younger children I must consider too. She is clean and determined to stay that way, but it didn't work out last time.
  2. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Someone who has left prison needs support and encouragement to keep fighting your cravings. You have to be optimistic and do all you can to help when she does come home. It's the least you can do IMHO. If she is determined to stay clean then with some support I'm sure it's possible she could manage to beat the addiction.

    All the best!
  3. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    You are a strong woman @Momma9, you still have hope your daughter can stay clean and you are all she's got. If you lose hope in her then all her hope is lost. Protect her from the evils of drugs and teach the younger ones at home to follow the right path. Don't be over protective by not discussing the issue at hand.

    Engage your daughter in activities that can help her by involving yourself; treat her like a woman, get her busy and above all, have faith it will work this time.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Momma9... If you are going to let your daughter live with you, be sure you create a list of rules/boundaries that she must adhere to in order to stay. And be sure you stick to and enforce those rules/boundaries. If you let her slide on anything, you will be enabling her.

    Also, have you considered a sober living home for your daughter? I think sober living is a fabulous transition for people coming out of residential rehab. I think someone coming out of prison who is clean and wants to stay that way would benefit, too. The structure and community of a good sober living house really helps people transition back to "normal" life. Just a thought.

    Keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers.
  5. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi @Momma9. The thought process must be a weight on your shoulders. I'm assuming you've already discussed this with your daughter about coming to live with you once she is released. Usually there is someone within the system that discusses options with inmates and living arrangements is top on the list. I tend to agree with @deanokat about a sober living home. I know as much as you love and want to help your daughter to get on the right track it sounds like you have enough on your plate with being a single parent now.

    If you have already made your decision about it then enough has been said. Just remember that we are all hoping for the best with your decision and are here as your support when needed.
  6. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    Thanks for the input, everyone! She and I have talked about options and it is pretty much up to me to make the final decision. Yikes!

    Sadly, the sober houses she will have access to are not very good. We know others that have gone and had all their stuff stolen, been beaten up, and there are drugs there.

    I will keep praying and talking with her and we will figure something out. Thanks again for you support!
    deanokat and MrsJones like this.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter, @Momma9. Go forward, be brave, and keep the faith.
    Momma9 likes this.
  8. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    I really do appreciate all your support! Most people in my world do not understand drugs or addiction. They think I should just disown her. I know the amazing person my daughter is when she is not on drugs. Everyone needs to have unconditional love from someone in their life, especially someone trying to recover from addiction. As her mother, I need to be that person.
  9. achexx84

    achexx84 Active Contributor

    I admire your strength. Your daughter will need support, but not overbearing support. She needs to feel that you have some sense of trust in her to help build her confidence, but she also needs to know that you cannot fully trust her, and that she has some work to do. You can help her by having a list of meeting places and times handy, and maybe a few applications for places that hire someone with a criminal background. The busier the body, the busier the mind. Just be sure to lay down some ground rules and stick to them. I wish you and her the best of luck. I hope she stays sober and healthy.
    Momma9 and deanokat like this.
  10. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Better to help her be motivated in staying clean and get back in her life again. Providing her a home with a family that she feels can understand and love her will bring her hope and encouragement.
  11. jtasgirl1970

    jtasgirl1970 Member

    I am so relieved to see I am not alone in this horrible catch 22 situation. My son has been in and out of prison for 6 years now and I feel so helpless. He is a good boy, went to prison at 15 yrs old and can't stay out more than a couple of months before he fails probation requirements and goes right back. His father (my ex) is a meth addict and I live with my 95 yr old grandmother with my 2 younger children. I am not financially able to help my son find housing, he winds up at his dad's doing drugs or hustling drugs to support himself. It is a horrible feeling watching your child struggle with something so awful and beyond their control. He has tried to get into rehab so many times but in our area there is none. I mean NONE, no mental health options for him. I am so frustrated and also searching for a solution. My heart goes out to all parents facing this. God bless us all.
  12. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    My cousin was in jail for constantly being in possession of meth. She was sent back to prison when her probation officer drug tested her. When she was released from prison she came back home to live with her parents. She is clean and sober today because they decided to give her strict rules. She was treated somewhat like a child, but they had their reasons for being so strict. It is there house and if she wanted to live there, she needed to follow every ridiculous rule they had.
    Momma9 likes this.
  13. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    Thank you @lexinonomous ! It is an encouragement to hear of people who managed to break the cycle of addiction to Meth. Hopefully my daughter and I will have a success story soon!!
  14. Villiam

    Villiam Member

    Your desire to help your daughter after what she had been through is tremendous. It is an extremely difficult thing to do, but if you keep perceiving, you and your daughter will soon be safe.
    deanokat likes this.