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Day 2 feeling nervous...

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by Dm993, Dec 11, 2018.

  1. Dm993

    Dm993 Member

    I have been drinking to the point of passing out or falling asleep almost nightly for about 6 years. I have gone days and a week here and there but the past two years the longest has been a day without drinking. Sunday night I decided I was just done. I had a very restless night and have been using online relaxation videos and hipnosis to try and calm myself (anything at this point). I do have diazepam from the doctor for anxiety that I have left over but not much so I was waiting to use it when withdrawal was at it's peak... I have no idea when that might be. I have very low blood pressure normally and I'm 38 with no major health issues. I have hid this very well as my husband is out of town for weeks at a time and I live in a very small gossiping town where our family is well known so going to the ER or doctor would not be an option for me. Does anyone have personal advise on what to expect and peak time of withdrawal symptoms, I have read the online guidelines but I guess I'm looking for more personal in depth advice.
    lonewolves likes this.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Dm993 hello and welcome. i'm glad you're stopping drinking... and that you're turning to more natural ways to relax and fall asleep. (i heard yoga nidra is great for sleep...it's a guided meditation. google it! :) )

    withdrawal symptoms can vary depending on factors like how much you were drinking... for some people, severe symptoms can occur, which will require medical help... things like high fever, seizures, heart disturbances, hallucinations... i don't know how much you were drinking, so tough to know what your withdrawal symptoms will be... but if you've gone a week before...chances are your symptoms may not be that awful.

    this is day 2... congrats! there are online AA meetings if you need encouragement. also, try to keep yourself motivated for recovery. grab a good recovery book or devotional and read each day. keep your MIND busy with good things....

    giving up alcohol is a great thing. please come here as often as you wish...we will be here for you. you don't have to go at it alone, ok?
    True concern likes this.
  3. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Dm993... Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing with us. I'm proud of you for wanting to quit using alcohol. And I want you to know that we are here to help and support you any way we can.

    This article may help you understand what withdrawing from alcohol is all about:

    Alcohol Withdrawal

    Also, definitely check out some online meetings at that link @Dominica gave you. That's a great way to get support from people who know exactly what you're going through without having to worry about people you know finding out. That said, if you get severely ill at any point during the withdrawal process--and that is possible--please put your privacy concerns aside and go to a doctor or the ER. I understand that you'd rather not have people in your small town know about your situation, but your well-being is way more important than that. Besides, addiction isn't a moral failing, and it doesn't make you a bad person. It's a disease, and you're a sick person. And you're trying to get better. That's a wonderful thing and there's no shame in that.

    I'm sending you lots of love, light, hope, and encouragement. I hope you're able to stay sober with minimal discomfort. And I hope you're reach out and lean on us as often as you need to.
  5. Dm993

    Dm993 Member

    Thank you so much for the support, I'm doing well, I also have Baclofen and I didn't realize it could also help. I'm sleeping a ton so I guess that is good vs the alternative. I have gone a week before but it has been a few years since then, that is why I have been so worried but so far so good. Thanks for the support and I'm going to check out the online alternatives. I'm just want to know when the worst is going hit.
    lonewolves, Dominica and deanokat like this.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Sleep is a good thing, @Dm993. So is drinking water to help flush out the toxins in your body.

    Sending you healing vibes and encouragement this morning.
    lonewolves and Dominica like this.
  7. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Dm993 i think the mental aspects of withdrawal can be the toughest.... do your best to prepare for how to contend with cravings... b/c the mind will make up all sorts of reasons as to why you should drink or give up. win the battle in the mind, and you'll enjoy continued victory!!

    and, recovery is a learned process. takes some time...and i know you're ready, so you'll do alright. and no matter what, we're here!
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    How are you doing tonight, @Dm993? I hope things are going well so far. Remember that we're here for you.
    True concern, lonewolves and Dominica like this.
  9. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Hey there @Dm993 ! Congratulations on taking steps in the right direction! I hope this weekend is okay, the first weekend can be the hardest. You got this! And if you mess up, it’s okay. Don’t let addiction trick you into turning one night of mistake into a week long mistake because “you’ll just start another time” or “what’s another day”. You have more self control than you may think!
    True concern, Dominica and deanokat like this.
  10. Dm993

    Dm993 Member

    I made it four days before I decided I could just have a six pack a be good. I did and I was wow maybe I can handle social drinking after all a few times a week. Almost a week later I'm back to drinking every night to the point of blacking out. I just can't get a handle on it and I'm having an emotional meltdown this morning realizing how bad it really is.
  11. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Dm993 acceptance will be a big part of your recovery. accepting that even one drink could put your brain into "drink drink drink" mode... maybe not in a day, but in due time it will. and it's ok to accept that. some people's brain are hard-wired to NOT be able to social drink. sure, maybe that sucks. maybe that feels like you have to cut ties with a good friend.... but i think down the road in sobriety, you'll come to see alcohol has not been your friend.... it's poison and along with it comes a lot of negative crap.

    i know you said you have a small town.... does this mean you can't find a therapist? i think therapy can be so valuable. of course, some find a 12 Step support group to be life saving. AA or SMART Recovery. i know it's not easy to think others will know you struggle, but your life and mental health is worth doing whatever you need to do to address this. i find reaching out for help and being honest is very courageous....badass even. most people suffer in silence for fear of ridicule or ego or whatever.... and that's sad, b/c most people are understanding. heck, half the population has been brainwashed to think that booze makes life happy, makes people happy, and parties aren't parties without alcohol. that is ridiculous... (thus, brain washing) more people are addicted to alcohol than anyone realizes.... even many social drinkers.... i've talked to many and they honestly wish they didn't need to drink two or three or four drinks every time they socialize. but, they have a habit of it... maybe it doesn't cause them full blown addiction, but they also feel badly about it.

    anyway, i've gone on a tangent. my point being.... it's alright to acknowledge a struggle with drinking. it is addictive! not with everyone.... but those who may be able to help you...be it a therapist... (even an online therapist that lives in different city) online support groups (intherooms.org), 12 step group, etc.

    i hope this helps. i want you to know there is freedom from that grip of alcohol....but it's going to take some work...but you can do it!! :)
  12. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    please keep coming here... :)
    True concern likes this.
  13. Dm993

    Dm993 Member

    I have been going to therapists since I was a teenager, I was abused sexually by a family member and my father committed suicide when I was 7. I have kind of given up on therapy, I have been to at least 8 or so and last year I sought out a specialized therapist for sexual abuse victims and I learned a bit more about myself but it really didn't help much. My brother is an alcoholic in AA, and after seeing how my family has judged and treated him not to mention there is nothing anynomous in this town I don't think I could handle anymore shame than I already feel. I have been looking into an online meeting, idk. I talked to my doctor privately and then I learned it is in my chart about my abuse, since then I have had 3 different nurses that I know from the community and went to school with read my chart. Well it got out who abused me and I can't prove who did leak the info but needless to say I don't trust saying anything to my doctor. I'm so disappointed in myself, I knew better than this. I don't even take prescription pain pills because of the addiction problems through out my family. My brother-in-law broke his back and ended up on the streets addicted to drugs because of pills and my father-in-law is also an alcoholic. I have always been the one that keeps everyone else going and they all think I have my **** together.
  14. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Dm993... I'm sorry that you're having an emotional meltdown. But I would like to invite you to look at the bright side: You made it FOUR days. Four days may not sound like a lot, but I think it shows you that you can make some progress. Relapsing isn't complete failure, my friend. Recovery/sobriety is a learned behavior, and like other learned behaviors it takes practice. I always tell people who relapse in early recovery... If you were trying to learn to speak a foreign language, would you expect to be perfect at it right away? Hell no! You'd practice, screw up, learn from your mistakes, practice some more, etc. Eventually, everything would "click" and you'd be an expert. Maybe try to look at your recovery that way. Don't wallow in self-pity for having relapsed; instead, use it as a learning experience, pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and start again. You CAN do this. I know you can. You just have to keep at it. If you mix willingness and hope enough times, you will find long-term sobriety.

    Here's a video I made a while back. Maybe have a look at it. And know we're all behind you 100 percent. You are not alone, so lean on us anytime you need to, okay?

    Dominica and Dm993 like this.
  15. Dm993

    Dm993 Member

    Thank you for the support, and I really appreciate the video. I have been fooling myself for a long time that I have control and it is now impossible to deny.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  16. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Dm993 i'm truly sorry for the pain and loss you have experienced through your life.

    some people i know who have had a lot of trauma continue on in therapy their whole life at one time or another. wounds come in layers..... and the deeper the wound, the more layers there are, and sometimes it just takes years, decades, or a lifetime to navigate and find some healing.... just curious, have you practiced some sort of faith? i mean, really made a practice of it? i found that when i dug down deep, i found me, yeah, and i do like myself, but only my concept of a god could free me from so much ****. haha.

    anyway, many paths to consider.

    glad you're here.
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  17. Dm993

    Dm993 Member

    Yes, I believe in God I just haven't been serious about my faith since I was younger. I do know it helped my brother when he hit rock bottom. We both experienced abuse and use alcohol as a way to cope. I always hide at home in my room he usually was out crawling on the bar floor or driving. He had three drunk drivings before he was 21 and did jail time. He is now 42 still without a license but has been sober 5 years. I'm no better than him just better at hiding it and now my entire family views alcohol as the most vile shameful thing a person could consume.... My husband with a alcohlic as a father has many negative memories of his childhood has seen me go to far a few times and it was not good. He put me down pretty bad and I don't think he will be very understanding if come clean about how big of a problem I have. Anyhow I'm here because I'm not going to give up.
    Dominica and True concern like this.
  18. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    I'm so happy to hear you're not going to give up, @Dm993. You're worth the effort, my friend. And we're all rooting for you!
    Dominica, Dm993 and True concern like this.
  19. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Dm993 I am sorry I haven't commented sooner,I have read your original post and additional comments over and over.I know how hard this is for you,I understand alcoholism on a very personal level,more specifically Emotional childhood trauma alcoholism. When I was young I was abused,I don't remember many details and I thank God I don't however the bits and pieces I do remember fueled an addiction problem that nearly took my life several times. I didn't speak of my trauma for nearly 20 year's and in that time I destroyed my marriage, my relationship with my kid's, parent's, etc.No matter how much I drank or how much dope I did I could only block it out if I remained wasted.I have been fighting for about a year to change my life and I will be honest it's extremely difficult but I understand now finally that I am worth the effort, just as you are.I wish I could just give you a huge hug and hold you while you just cried and tried to get it all out,of course I can't but know I would if I could.You matter,you're worth the life sobriety can deliver. Relapse is just part of the healing process but if you weren't trying to change you would never relapse because everyday you would be drunk so even though relapse makes us feel like we failed the truth is relapse actually proves we are trying to change so relapse is in fact progress.Dig deep,reconnect with you're faith,reachout,and lean on us anytime.You can and will beat this,I know you will I believe in you and I will always be here for you to talk to,cry with,vent at,or just conversate.STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS
    deanokat and Dm993 like this.
  20. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I love the video clip,I hope you deliver that inspiration in that way more often:)
    Dominica and deanokat like this.