I need help, I did it again. On day two and had my last drink Tuesday evening. I started Friday night and split bottles of vodka Friday-Tuesday. My fiancé is not happy and says we are done (drinking) he can always just stop but he goes to work and I stay home all day and go buy a bottle to make it look like I didn’t drink that much, so when he gets home I have more to drink. My binges always stop after 3-4 days because my anxiety sets in. I fainted Tuesday and for one of the first times acted a flipping fool. I’m a master at disguise . I am not sure where to go from here, yesterday I had my lovely anxiety and I got thru it. I slept 12 hours last night and I actually woke up feeling a bit dehydrated and kinda well. Till I stood up and I’m shaky, not bad just well super shaky inside. My blood pressure started at 165/123. I’ve taken my Xanax and I’m hiding in my room trying to figure out what I need to do. I called the nearest urgent care and they don’t offer detox services, I would have to go to the local er. Here’s my thing I can’t get passed, no one can know. My fiancé knows but I also live with my mother and I have 2 kids at home. I had been doing so well and I just threw it away. I hadn’t been AF but I was binge free. Could this just be normal detox symptoms or should I be worried? I don’t know how to get out of this hole I’ve put myself in Can five days of binging and just stopping be dangerous? I feel fucking stupid even putting all this out here. And no I cannot go to aa, maybe one day but not today. My gig is up Sorry for the ramble I’m just done, stupid and scared. I’ve poured over everything on the Internet, timelines symptoms, just everything. I don’t have the luxury to pick up and go to treatment, I have no one to watch my children and like I said no one know I’m a binge drinker. I’ve know what I need to do but I just need to know what’s happening now.