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Day 2 Please help

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by Momboss, Aug 2, 2018.

  1. Momboss

    Momboss Active Contributor

    I need help, I did it again. On day two and had my last drink Tuesday evening. I started Friday night and split bottles of vodka Friday-Tuesday. My fiancé is not happy and says we are done (drinking) he can always just stop but he goes to work and I stay home all day and go buy a bottle to make it look like I didn’t drink that much, so when he gets home I have more to drink. My binges always stop after 3-4 days because my anxiety sets in.

    I fainted Tuesday and for one of the first times acted a flipping fool. I’m a master at disguise . I am not sure where to go from here, yesterday I had my lovely anxiety and I got thru it. I slept 12 hours last night and I actually woke up feeling a bit dehydrated and kinda well. Till I stood up and I’m shaky, not bad just well super shaky inside. My blood pressure started at 165/123. I’ve taken my Xanax and I’m hiding in my room trying to figure out what I need to do. I called the nearest urgent care and they don’t offer detox services, I would have to go to the local er. Here’s my thing I can’t get passed, no one can know. My fiancé knows but I also live with my mother and I have 2 kids at home. I had been doing so well and I just threw it away. I hadn’t been AF but I was binge free. Could this just be normal detox symptoms or should I be worried? I don’t know how to get out of this hole I’ve put myself in Can five days of binging and just stopping be dangerous?

    I feel fucking stupid even putting all this out here. And no I cannot go to aa, maybe one day but not today. My gig is up

    Sorry for the ramble I’m just done, stupid and scared. I’ve poured over everything on the Internet, timelines symptoms, just everything. I don’t have the luxury to pick up and go to treatment, I have no one to watch my children and like I said no one know I’m a binge drinker.

    I’ve know what I need to do but I just need to know what’s happening now.
  2. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum, @Momboss. I’m glad you’re here. I’m proud of you for wanting to get a hold on your binge drinking, and I’m sorry you feel so alone in the struggle. They say “one day at a time” in AA, which can feel like an eternity but, just like meditation and mindfulness, working on addiction is a daily practice. They have online AA meetings, but personally I just prefer this website! Have you ever thought about doing phone counselling? That’s what I’m doing now and it’s working out really well for me!

    Never stop striving for sobriety, you and your kids deserve it!
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  3. Momboss

    Momboss Active Contributor

    Thank you for your reply, it really means so much to me. I just found an online aa meeting group on Facebook.

    How long is this going to last? When would I know I am in danger and need medical? Cause I feel horrible right now and I’ve been counting the hours I haven’t drank. I’m 39 hours in. The hours feel like eternity.
    Dominica likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Momboss... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm sorry you're struggling with alcohol addiction, but I'm incredibly proud of you for coming here and reaching out. And for being on Day 2!!! That is progress, my dear!

    I'm glad you found an AA group on Facebook. You may also want to check out the In the Rooms website, because they have TONS of online AA meetings. It's a great place for folks who can't or don't want to attend face-to-face meetings. Here's the link to the website: https://www.intherooms.com

    As @lonewolves said, you can also use this forum for support. It's not as structured as an AA meeting, but it gives you a safe place to share, ask for help or advice, and just vent. We will always listen without judgment, so please don't feel stupid for posting anything. Trust me: We've heard pretty much everything when it comes to addiction.

    I wish I could speak more intelligently about the specific issues you're dealing with, but I'm not a medical doctor. My advice would be to go to the ER if you feel bad enough. Depending on how much and how often you drank, detoxing from alcohol can potentially be very dangerous. I think it's always better to be safe than sorry. Just my two cents.

    Lastly, I know you said you don't want anyone else to know about what you're going through, but just remember that battling an addiction doesn't mean you're a bad person; it means you're a sick person. There are millions of people who struggle with addiction. You should not feel ashamed or embarrassed.

    We are here for you anytime you need us, so don't hesitate to lean on us if you need to. In the meantime, I'm sending you tons of positive, sober vibes. And even more hope and encouragement. You can kick alcohol's ass. I know you can. And we will help you on your journey if you'd like. We're all rooting for you!
    Dominica, True concern and lonewolves like this.
  5. Momboss

    Momboss Active Contributor

    Thank you I just signed up there too. Thank you for your kind words.
    True concern, deanokat and lonewolves like this.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    We're behind you 100 percent, @Momboss! :)
    Dominica and True concern like this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Considering the binge was 3 day's of 80 proof that would make your blood super thin then add in the detox day's and that explains your extremely high blood pressure, more info is needed.How long in month's or year's have you been doing this?Roughly how old are you and roughly what is your wheight? This information will help us have a better understanding of the severity of the situation. We are not drs but this info will help us better to advise you.I will be posting a lot tonight I have had a rough few day's myself and will add more here in about an hour or so
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  8. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Amen brother @Momboss you are not alone,and @deanokat is correct we have heard just about everything an addict may do,or has done. ....no judgment just support and encouragement here
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  9. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Momboss hello and welcome! glad you're working at becoming sober.... this forum is a great start! the others have given you some great advice. i always advise talking to a dr. with the medical questions. i understand you don't want certain people to know what you're going through, but hoping you can contact a dr. if you have questions.

    and know that we are here to support you however we can. try various things and see what might work for you... if AA isn't for you, try something different. educate yourself on binge drinking, alcoholism, recovery, etc....

    and know that we're rooting for you!
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  10. Momboss

    Momboss Active Contributor


    I have been drinking steady since July 2016 and decided to quit January 2018, until mid February I drank for 3 days not ask extra and two weekends in March. April I pretty much binged every weekend till I had a full blown panic attack April 28. I quit for 2 weeks and drank around Mother’s Day for 4 days. Quit again and drank June 21 for another 4 days. In July I had a small binging episode mid July till last Friday when I basically went all out. I am 38 years old and I weigh 140 pounds. I am 5’6. I don’t exercise. I was just in the hospital with a uti on June 29 and my blood work looked good. I just took my blood pressure as I’ve been monitoring it all day and it 138/102. So it’s better.
    Thank you and I understand you’re not drs, but I’m hoping I can come back from this and I haven’t destroyed myself.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  11. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Please don't feel stupid for spilling it all out here because it's not stupid at all it's actually very "SMART"to release the thing's that eat at our heart and soul,releasing these thing's help's us heal.Im the same as @lonewolves as far as this site is what I use to push forward and heal,I do go to NA meeting's when I can but my current physical and financial situation limit how often I can do that so,here on this site I have shared my struggle in great depth and honesty letting my guard down more than ever before and sharing some of the most painful memories I have.I have lost my entire family from my own substance abuse and I have been sober for just over six month's except for the medicine prescribed by my Dr, which still in my own mind bothers me but anyways my point is the more you open up,the more you release, the better your odds become in recovery. Stay Strong and God Bless
    deanokat likes this.
  12. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    You can come back from this,you have not destroyed yourself.Im going to post my story here for you and I haven't done this in awhile but I want you to read it because I came back from it so I hope in some small way you find some inspiration in it
    deanokat likes this.
  13. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    This is my story of addiction.I was born in the early 80's at the age of six year's old i was diagnosed with A.D.H.D.at that time there was a new F.D.A.approved drug by the name of Ritalin.At first it seemed to be a miracle pill,I was on this pill until the age of 18 at that time i decided i was no longer going to take this pill and it began just under a year passed and someone said "Have you ever tried crystal"which i had not at that time but i tried it and instantly noticed that it was 100% the same effect i got from Ritalin only difference was it lasted longer,or seemed to but honestly it was probably the quantity i was doing was greater than that of Ritalin i struggled with meth on and off for roughly 20 year's,not only meth but i was as well consuming 750ml of Jack Daniel's a day plus a 12 pack of beer.For those who don't know when you mix the two you don't appear to get drunk which is very deadly because infact you do get drunk however you don't realise it until it's too late meaning alcohol poisoning.I experienced this a few times and actually died on a hospital bed due to this fact,it took 3 hits with a defibrillator to restart my heart and i was told the only reason I was hit 3 times was because i was only 19 year's old,but usually after the second time if your heart doesn't restart you are then pronounced dead,but a nurse pleaded with the Dr.to try one more time and he did and my heart started back up.I didn't know at the time but that nurse was actually the mother of the lead singer of Sublime who just lost her son to a heroin overdose.I am forever grateful for that nurse without her plea i would be another statistic.Unfortunately I didn't quite using drug's at that time i just traded substances.I started abusing pain pills heavily and increased that addiction to catastrophic proportions,it got so bad i started injecting heroin which i quickly traded for oxycontin because it was much stronger than heroin.I abused fentanyl as well but nothing compared to the oxycontin.At my worst i was injecting 240-320mg's of oxycontin a day,feeling i wouldn't survive another month i decided to seek help.I'm poor and i come from poor parent's so my options were limited,i ended up at a methadone clinic for help slowly decreasing my extremely high tolerance.At the clinic i had an interview with a drug addiction counselor and an addiction physician,i was hoping for good news but what i heard shock me to my core.I was told by both the same thing,"Sir we are sorry to tell you but your addiction and tolerance is beyond the point of return,whether you quit or continue either way you cannot survive you have if your lucky a month to live"My heart sank and i decided at that moment if i was going to die i would die trying.I went home and prayed and then i called my wife into the room to tell her the news.At that moment i apologized to her told her how much she meant to me and made her promise if i didn't make it she would move on re marry and live a happy life and she noded yes.After that i quite cold turkey and suffered pain and sickness i cannot describe,for 27 straight day's i did not leave the bedroom,i did not eat,i did not sleep,i hallucinated,i screamed in intense unimaginable pain,i lost over 50 pound's in that time frame and had to be rushed to the hospital 3 time's where they would rehydrate me and try to give me pain shots to stall the detox which i refused.On day 28 I took my first steps after i quite and by the grace of God i survived and this May im married 18 year's to my beautiful wife and guardian angel.This is the first time I've shared my story of addiction and i did it for one reason alone,i want everyone to know i understand what you are going through and no matter how bad it gets there is hope.I'm here for each and everyone of you,if you ever need someone to talk to,if you ever feel no one understands im all ears and i do understand.Stay Strong We're rooting for you
    deanokat, Dominica and Momboss like this.
  14. Momboss

    Momboss Active Contributor

    Wow what a courageous story! I am speechless and in awe. Today I felt (and still do) terrible, and just thinking a little sip can give me relief. I’ve been looking into tapering off, but in 1.5 hours I’ll have 48 hours without vodka. From what I’ve been reading the next 24 hours are probably the worse.
    Your story is beautiful and I want to have that. I’m supposed to get married in October but I feel like I’m throwing everything away. I can’t imagine going through what I’m feeling for 27 days!
    deanokat, Dominica and True concern like this.
  15. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    You know if you start to try and taper now this close to 48 hour's without your probably going to stop around Sunday or Monday and be stuck starting over.Of course it's your choice and no one will judge you either way on this site,but you will judge yourself, I know because I've been down this road a thousand times myself. The next 24 hours probably will be the hardest but your 24 hour's away from bettering your life and each day after will get better with your fiancée and every day from that point on will continue to get better.Take your life back,experience the happiness your soul desires,stay focused and hydrated a few day's from this moment your life will have the meaning your heart so desperately hungers for. Stay Strong and God Bless
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  16. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I don't think I could survive something like those 27 day's again and though Im still alive often time's I feel dead inside because my addictions left me all alone with nothing more than my faith,the wonderful people on this site, and a smartphone. Don't end up the same
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  17. Momboss

    Momboss Active Contributor

    I’m still holding on, in 8 mins I will have made it 48 hours. Thank you so much for telling me your story and your kind words.
  18. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    It's my pleasure and I know you can do this,your already 2/3 the way through the hardest part.You've got this
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  19. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    good morning!! i'm assuming you've made 48+ hours now so i'll congratulate you now!! i know it's challenging, but worth it. know that you can lean on us here anytime. we are rooting for you and we believe in YOU.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  20. Momboss

    Momboss Active Contributor

    I have made it 55 hours, well in 10 mins, my sleep was ROUGH last night and it’s too early to be awake. Today I’ll just keep monitoring my blood pressure, and drink water, hopefully I can see some improvement.
    Thank you guy so much for everything! Yesterday I was convinced I was gonna die
    lonewolves, deanokat and True concern like this.