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Dealing With Negativity

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by crc3thebest, Jan 19, 2015.

  1. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

    How do we cope with the constant negative remarks regarding our past addictions? I have found it hard to deal with the put downs from others. At times it makes me indulge in my addictions at a higher extremity than ever. Is there any way to overcome the blasphemy?
  2. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"

    Use negative remarks to your advantage. Use them as the mirror to your past. It's a reminder of your strength. What you've overcome. An inspiration to others who are fighting their addictions. If their friend could do it, they too can.

    That's how I turn around negative remarks about my past addictions and make those around me realize that giving up an addiction isn't so hard if you have the will to keep fighting.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  3. Mackmax

    Mackmax Active Contributor

    I do many things to cope with negativity. The first thing I do is consider the source. If a person with a 1.5 grade point average calls you stupid, laugh in their face. Always consider your source, because lions don't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep.
    I also keep karma in mind. I remember that the girls that used to talk bad about me in middle school ended up flunking out of high school, and I believe that one of them is in prison. Use their negativity as inspiration. Believe me, nothing feels better than showing everyone who told you that you couldn't do it- that you can, and that you're great at it.
    You also have to believe in yourself. If you have a million people putting you down, but you believe in yourself, you will succeed. If you have a million people supporting you, yet you don't believe in yourself, you will fail. Believing in yourself is key, and once you believe in yourself, its as if the people who put you down don't even aren't even there. They don't matter. They don't exist.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  4. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    I think a person who is constantly putting me down does not have the right to be in my life. They don't get to keep speaking to me, and feeding me their poison. They are not a true friend.

    I will stop speaking to someone, stop calling them, stop answering their calls, I become totally unavailable. Life is too short to put up with people who are trying to bring you down.

    Also, one has to tell a person how they feel. If someone is over-stepping their boundaries, they need to be told as much. Sometimes it can be very scary to confront someone about their bad behavior and verbal abuse, which is ironic because they don't have any fears at all about talking bad to you. If you're too scared to confront them, just make yourself unavailable to them. 100% unavailable, like they are the worst drug on the planet and you have no desire to be around them.
  5. Janie

    Janie Active Contributor

    I don't know if you mean someone directly putting you down, or just hearing negative generalities about your addictions from others.

    If someone isn't addressing you personally, then I would consider this: people talk all the time without considering how their comments could affect or hurt others. If that's the case then I would try not to take it personally, although I understand it hurts. Just view it as proof of how strong you are, that not only can you deal with your addiction, you can mentally ignore comments like this.
  6. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    I have to admit that I use to sport a lot of negativity around my husband when he came home from rehab. I don't remember when I actually stopped but I did. I do understand my actions now better than back then. It was mostly because I was afraid of him relapsing; because I myself had not learned yet to trust him; because I had not healed from the train wreck that his addiction brought on us.

    Because I was in that state of mind he would leave for a while and then return. I believe that helped me to begin to see how I wasn't helping his recovery at least not in a positive sense.
  7. angelicagapit

    angelicagapit Active Contributor

    This is an awesome quote that I've heard before. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it from the movie "Forrest Gump"? Anyways, nicely put words! Do a paradigm shift and see things in a more positive light.

    Shrug off any negativity you hear from other people about your past, because that's not who you are anymore. Past is past. Never put yourself down to their level.

    You should be proud that you got past such a dark stage in your life.
    Rainman likes this.
  8. elles-belles

    elles-belles Community Champion

    I agree with most of what the other posters have advised you to do. Negative people are usually rather insecure themselves and live in some fear of sorts so they try make themselves feel better by putting others down. So in actual fact when someone spits out negative and insulting thing at you all the time, you need to feel sorry for them; they need help not you! You have taken a good step and are looking forward to a clean and sober life so focus on that rather because it is really commendable!
    crc3thebest likes this.
  9. JonMark

    JonMark Active Contributor

    There's no way to do it other than to put them in a certain light. I think people, in general, find it difficult to adjust to anything and treat everything in the same way because they think it provides: certainty, assurance and security. But all of this depends on the person with the problem and the situation.

    To my mom, any alcoholic beverage is a sin and she'll let you know that she doesn't like it, no matter what. I don't know if that helps to make the point but if not, just think about stigma. As a matter of fact, I would strongly suggest you get a book on stigma so you can see clearly what the aggression is all about.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  10. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Always remember that a negative remark says much more about the person making it than it ever will about you! If you let such comments drag you back into using then you are in effect proving them right. I have been in this situation myself and you know what? I stayed away from the drugs out of pure spite!
    crc3thebest likes this.
  11. valiantx

    valiantx Community Champion

    Definitely, it's not blasphemy to hold a opposing opinion or perspective! Blasphemy is concerned for people of a same belief or faith, who disagree with the nuances of their beliefs or faiths - drug addiction is a self journey that may be guided by others. If negative opinions and expressions from others disturb you (crc3thebest) and others, then you all are not adamant in achieving your goals yet - truth is, naysayers and haters are mentors to you all if you deeply reflect about what they did or say to you. If one truly wishes to be sober and stay away from drugs, not even the end of the universe will deter or sway one from this goal!
  12. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    It is much harder to overcome an addiction than it is to stay away from it, in a way. So the negative opinions are simply based on ignorance and arrogance, to think that they can judge without having walked a meter in a person's shoes. The fact that it is a PAST addiction means you've recognized your problems and worked on your shortcomings to become a better person and to be able to aspire to a better future. Not everyone can say the same. I see it as something to be proud of. Shame on those who try to shame you!
  13. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Crcthebest, be the best as your profile name suggest. You are giving the negative people control when you say regarding their negativity "it makes me indulge in my addictions at a higher extremity than ever". What's more you ought to do everything in your power to show them some compassion. Often negative people are not in themselves bad people, but people dealing with underlying problems or trauma who might need your compassion more than you realize. It might not be easy but as others suggested turn that negative into a positive for you. I like what I found in the link I am providing below.
  14. ysmith

    ysmith Member

    One way to cope with the constant negative remarks regarding a past addiction is NOT COPE. You need to tell the person how it effects you and the past addiction. Most people don't understand that its the negativity that places people in the fight of addiction. So, once you explain to them that it makes you sad and stresses you to the point that you want to escape by going back to the addiction, they will change their choice of words. The bible says, "life and death is in the power of the tongue." Should they choose to keep degrading you, maybe you need to find a positive atmosphere, like going to church where there is an addiction program that can uplift you out of the negativity.
  15. orangesunset

    orangesunset Active Contributor

    Ignore them to start with, if the person continues just cut the person out of your life. Usually the best way to deal with these sorts of people is to ignore them. There are certain people who get pleasure out of sucking the life out of others. They are emotional vampires.
  16. OhioTom76

    OhioTom76 Senior Contributor

    They don't realize how toxic their behavior is - they may think they are doing the right thing by giving you some "tough love" and ultimatums and all that jazz, but in reality they are acting like self righteous wind bags and demonstrating their complete lack of empathy and understanding. They are trying to make your addiction problems all about them instead.

    I am embarrassed to think back at how I treated people I knew who were heavy drinkers back when I was in my early 20's. I always felt like I had things under control and they were just hopeless mess's. I used to make a lot of condescending cracks about people "falling off the wagon" and such, until several years later when I started struggling with alcohol myself, got 2 DUI's, did jail time and lost jobs over it too.

    It was like a bad dose of karma, and it's really opened my eyes about being compassionate towards others who are truly suffering.
  17. RingoBerry

    RingoBerry Senior Contributor

    The thing is if you resort to using just because people say bad things about you and what you've done, understand that you're not hurting anyone else but yourself and on top of that - justifying their slander against you. And in all honesty, you don't need to prove anything to anybody as long as you know that you're trying your hardest to recover. Won't it be better to see their faces stunned because in the end, you have a much better life than them? But work hard because you want to get better, because you want to improve and not because you have something to prove. You'll be fine.
  18. Tournique

    Tournique Senior Contributor

    I tend not to let them affect me because they only see this side. They do not know what I have been through and all the issues I overcome.
  19. 003

    003 Community Champion

    Find support groups who's going to help you get away from your addiction. Because if you are alone while the others are constantly pushing you to despair to the point of getting back to your addiction or putting it to extremities, the weaker you are, and the higher the chance that you are going to yield. Find those who are going to help you grow strong and those that you'd feel welcome and loved, but not those who'd only give you temporary comfort and relief, like your substance pals.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  20. adfnio

    adfnio Community Champion

    Sometime you have to let people say and think what they want. We can't change them but we can change ourselves. Sure you can try and eucate these people. But some will not change. Take a look into yourslef and find the strength to move yourself from that position and close the chapter in which these people are in.