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Dilaudid. My life

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by brandycarter1992, Nov 9, 2014.

  1. I currently am an IV drug user. My drug of choice is dilaudid. It's an 8mg pill. 8mgs may not sound like much, but its a very powerful pain pill. I do anywhere from 2-5 pills in a day depending on how much money I earn that day. Each pill costs $30 so you can see that it's eating away at my pocket. I am so far in debt I cant even begin to know where to start. I recently also got arrested for possesion of parfinalia which landed me in the level 1 program which is a 6 week program where I have to take 4 random UA's and do a lot of online course work. My life is a spiraling mess and it's only getting worse. I wake up every morning and go to work. My soul purpose in going to work is to earn enough money to get pills and gas and then go home and start all over again the next day. I'm quite literally working to feed my habit. i work two jobs and by the end of every day I am lucky to have $5 in my pocket. I recently went to a doctor to begin the suboxen program. I have been taking it part of the time but have not yet started taking it every day. I do plan to eventually Get to that point I just haven't reached that point yet. I'm not quite sure wht makes me want to continue on this path as it's clear it's getting me no where. I hope that some day soon all of this will change and with the support of others it may come sooner than I can imagine. Wish me luck!
    Joseph, Jen S. and menace like this.
  2. menace

    menace Community Moderator

    The best of luck to you, brandycarter1992. It takes a ton of courage to share your story as openly as you have. Thanks for being such a great inspiration to me and to others to be open about our issues. I can completely identify with the financial aspect of all of this, as well as the feeling of working only for your next high. I get severely depressed when I think about how much I have spent on my addictions from the time I was 16 (20 something years). It's insane. Completely insane. I could own multiple homes with the amount of money I have spent on drugs and alcohol in my life but that didn't stop me. Why couldn't I stop after the first house? LOL. This addiction stuff can really mess with our lives and our psyches, and as you have said, send us down a spiraling path. Not to sound subjective, but have you considered maybe checking out some NA or AA meetings, or SMART Recovery? In addition to just picking up some basic tools there's a good support system if nothing else, and it sounds like you've identified this as something that will be important to you. That's a great first step. It's very difficult to do it alone (I've tried that also and it never worked). I hope the DA.com community can provide some support. We're a small but growing community, and there are some really compassionate people here. Please feel free to PM on of the Community Staff if you need anything!

    M2S
  3. George T.

    George T. Member

    My fingers are crossed for you Brandy. It seems like you have reached the point of being ready for recovery. You admit the full extent of your pill addiction, you see the problems it is causing, and you are reaching out for help. I believe in you!
    Joseph likes this.
  4. maryannballeras

    maryannballeras Senior Contributor

    I know how hard it must be to go through such a cycle that just leads you to nowhere. I do hope, though, that the random UAs and online course works given to you will help. I suggest that you just cooperate and understand that life will be better if you are clean. That will surely get you in the right path. I wish you good luck!
    Joseph likes this.