An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Disheartened Daughter of an Addict

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by mrsconv, Apr 18, 2016.

  1. mrsconv

    mrsconv Member

    Hi everyone,

    I have long heard the saying that loving a drug addict is harder than being one yourself. As the daughter of an addict, I believe this to be true.

    My father, who is a man in his mid-50's, has struggled with addiction throughout my entire life and although I have many loved ones that suffer from addiction, this particular person and his battles are the ones that are the hardest for me. Although I know addiction is a disease and that many of the behaviors exhibited by an addict are purely drug-fueled, I am finally at the end of my rope with him. Unfortunately the years of amphetamines and opiates have made him a very verbally abusive person, as well as a compulsive liar. Being in his presence has become unbearable and I fear detrimental for my children.

    Has anybody else ever had to make the choice to walk away from their beloved addict, simply to save yourself the heartache? I hope he sees the light but after many years of the same thing, I fear this is the way it will always be.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @mrsconv... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with your father's addiction your entire life. That's no way to have to grow up. As the son of an alcoholic father, I can definitely relate to much of what you're describing.

    If you see no other way, and think that the only way you'll be able to live a happy, healthy life is to walk away from your father, then you have every right to do that. You have to remember that YOU are the most important person in your life. If another person impacts the quality of your life in a negative way--even if it's your own father--you have to do what's best for YOU.

    Before you make that decision, though, I would like to recommend that you read a fabulous book called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for partners and loved ones of addicts and it has some amazing information and ideas in it. I think it would be incredibly helpful to you.

    You can read more about the book in a blog I wrote not too long ago. It's the first book I discuss in the blog. Here's the link:

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    I wish you the best of luck with your situation. Please know that you are definitely not alone. There are so many people who have been through similar things in their lives.

    We are here to help and support you any way we can, so reach out to us anytime you need or want to.

    Sending you peace and hugs.
  3. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    I am sorry about this mrsconv. Sometimes our loved ones can be tough to be around, and distancing ourselves is all we can do. I hate this for you. Maybe you can have a relationship with your parent at some point, but I think you are proably doing the right thing, by protecting your children from being around him...Sorry, but hugs!