I met my boyfriend while I was at the very end of my methadone maintenance program. I was the poster child of recovery. He very quickly became my new addiction. He is a high functioning alcoholic as well. Through a series of events that were not my fault but the fault of a perverted, disgusting, very wealthy family member, I lost everything. Not having a place for my children to live (and a convenient excuse to pawn my children Off) I moved in with my boyfriend. I quickly got back into opiates and began selling my body for my $500+ a day habit. I found out I was pregnant and pretended it was his for the matter of 24 hours, long enough for him to have his sperm tested since he had a vasectomy. He was very happy at the thought of having a child with me but was soon crushed. He sent me on my way to move 900 miles away to my mother's. I was back in his loving arms in two weeks with plans to give the baby to a Loving home but miscarried the morning after I got back. I remained clean and loyal. We then moved far far away and began a new life. My kids soon joined us and life was pretty perfect. He got extradited back to where we came from a warrant from years ago. I was then left to handle my many children and his very, very, physical manly job all on my own before Christmas. I started using again to give me the strength to be able to handle his job. So I started selling my body again to pay for the pills and Christmas. I was able to find Suboxone and very cheaply as soon as he got out. Which he knows about. The day before he got out I erased every shred of evidence of the life I was leading. Life has been pretty perfect ever since. Now it does not eat me up inside since I have been through so much I am basically an emotional zombie. But this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and this would 100% end us. I guess I just need validation that he does not need to know these secrets since I have and continue to do everything I can to atone for my sins.