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Do you ever just get down right grumpy?

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by pineywood, Apr 18, 2015.

  1. pineywood

    pineywood Community Champion

    I think this is me, nowadays. Sometimes, I just get just gets exhausted. When I try and help with a substance abuse issue, I think I have it all under control. I mean my emotions. After all, I am not the one with the addiction. I should be able to keep an positive attitude, right? But lately, I feel my disposition is pushed to the limit. Just when I think, someone is in recovery, they repeat the cycle! or if, it is not one person, it is another. :(

    I like to come here and interact with others going through addiction and others who can relate to what it is like to deal with a loved one or friend going through an addiction. I am afraid, sometimes, I get too blunt in my responses. I think, it is similar to displaced anger at a situation that I can not control. So, just in case, I have offended anyone here on the forum, I am going to apologize. I want to reassure you that all my replies are solely with good intent to be supportive. It is just that some weeks are tougher then others! Anyone else, every feel like this?
    missbishi likes this.
  2. jbbarn

    jbbarn Active Contributor

    Yes I have! When you are a type of caregiver, especially for someone who is battling an addiction, it can really take its toll on your emotional state. You get tired, physically, mentally and emotionally. Sometimes we feel like throwing our hands in the air and giving up! It's good if you can take time for yourself, to regroup and heal. Sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves, with devastating consequences.
    missbishi and pineywood like this.
  3. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    You need to protect yourself and always remember that you can't change the world. I know it sounds like a cliche but we have all been there, or most of us, trying to help someone with all our heart and soul, but in the end they couldn't be helped by us and we got all worn out. It has happened to me numerous times. These days I give my time and energy to those who really need it, but I don't overextend myself anymore. I think that everyone has to help him/herself in the end. All you can ever be is an inspiration and lend a practical hand when necessary, such as offering temporary accommodation or money.
    missbishi and pineywood like this.
  4. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    Sometimes bearing the emotional burden of people can be draining. This, in effect, dampens your mood and makes you say things you don't normally mean. Helping others can be really rewarding but in order not to disturb the delicate balance of nature, we should suffer for feeling good about it. And that's how you wind up grumpy at the end of the day. Don't worry, it's only natural.
    missbishi and pineywood like this.
  5. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    I one thing you and everyone else here has to remember is that you are human. You make mistakes and have emotions. Hell, grumpy is my middle name. I actually bought a jacket from Disneyland that has grumpy and a picture of him, on the back of the jacket.

    But just take your time and relax a bit. Stress and emotions get the best of us. Before you react take the time to breath and relax. Then when you are ready, react in a rational manner.
  6. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Just a few minutes ago, anger gripped me into grief and tears for a loved one who has chosen differently with the love and support offered. Meaning, rejected any offer of truth with love support. Your heart just aches so deeply-- you pray desperately that things aren't this difficult for your loved one to resort to alcohol/drug use.

    I see you, @pineywood truthful with a heart of love and care. I'm sure everyone sees that, too. :)
    pineywood and missbishi like this.
  7. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    @pineywood you certainly don't come across as being blunt or angry at all. I actually find you to be very understanding and kind, from all the other posts you have made here! So don't beat yourself up because we all have our "off weeks" and we all understand how frustrating dealing with a loved ones addiction can be.
    pineywood likes this.
  8. devinametallic

    devinametallic Active Contributor

    Yeah I think that is completely normal and possibly expected especially since there is an issue involved anyway. But Like missbishi said , I think you're more frustrated than anything.
    pineywood likes this.
  9. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    I think it's okay to be grumpy. I think that it is imperative to own one's real emotions, not put on fake airs for the sake of making others happy at your expense. I mean, I'm not saying that every time one gets the urge to blow up at an addict that they should do so, I'm just saying that every now and then the real truth has to come out.

    One thing (among other things) about an addict, is that they care about themselves, their needs, above all else.
    Many times an addict's take on a situation is "Screw you and how you feel about things, screw the kids, screw the grandkids, screw the bills, screw you and your feelings, I'm going to get high. I'm gonna be gone all day, maybe all night, gonna steal your money, your clothes and maybe anything else I can get my hands on, and I don't want to hear your lectures about my behavior, I just want to get high."

    Some addicts can be very self centered, and its their way or the high way. Been there, done that. With that being said, I think it's important for people who deal with addicts to let them know how they feel too. Everything is not all butterflies and roses when it comes to dealing with you either hunny-bunch.
    pineywood likes this.
  10. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    With some of the addicts I know sometimes I have just wanted to shake them really hard to reality so to speak. They have been times when I have felt so angry that they don't seem to want to change or realise the pain and suffering they are causing family members. While I know well how to be unkind with words, I have always made it a point to be sensitive to their feelings for fear of pushing them away.

    Pineywood, don't beat yourself up. Do the best that you can for as long as you can and no one can ask for more.
    pineywood likes this.
  11. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    That's very true.

    I am actually empathic and whenever people tell me about their problems/difficulties, somehow, I feel their pain and sometimes, when you give them advices, they would follow your suggestions for a few days/weeks, but the next time you see them, they are back to their old ways/habits. It's very frustrating, indeed. You get emotional and you get mad. It's natural, I guess.
    pineywood likes this.
  12. pineywood

    pineywood Community Champion

    Got to give a big thank you shout out to all of you for your kind, insightful, supportive words of encouragement! It truly is the seemingly little gestures of sharing empathy towards other people that make a difference. It is certainly true we all understand how an individual going through a crisis in their life dealing with addiction needs our support, simultaneously we as the supporters need some empathy, too! :) Here it is a Monday and I am ready to take on a new week! Wishing you all a good week ahead, too!
    missbishi and stariie like this.
  13. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    I do find that I get downright grumpy sometimes. My other half has bad depression and anxiety and there are some days that I lack compassion and need to get angry and blow off steam. I get tired of the moping and over happy states sometimes and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. This is perfectly normal.
    pineywood likes this.
  14. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 Senior Contributor

    Oh my goodness hell yes I do, I get so fed up sometimes and when people are deliberately not helping themselves then I find myself getting really annoyed with them. I have gone from very understanding to just kind of intolerant of fools at the moment!
    pineywood likes this.
  15. pineywood

    pineywood Community Champion


    Not that I always do the right thing, or follow my own words of advice, I just smoked a whole pack of cigs last night. My nerves got the best of me and now family members are disappointed in me. So, it works in both ways. Some day I just have to dig deep for some patience and other days people have to dig deep with me for some patience. Such is life. A big balancing act of give and take.
    Clairelouise84 and stariie like this.
  16. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    If you smoked a whole pack of cigarettes last night, try to make some time today for your own self care. Drink a lot of fluids; a lot of water and your juice of choice, to flush out your system.

    It's okay that your nerves got the best of you, it happens, but you need to take care of yourself.

    Family might be disappointed in you, but I know there are plenty of times where you might be disappointed in them as well seeing that nobody is perfect. We all need to cut each other some slack.

    Ah, patience. So easy to say, so hard to do sometimes:).
    pineywood likes this.
  17. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    I think it is ok if you smoked a whole pack of cigarettes, just refrain from doing it again. You can't beat yourself up for one slip up, now you just have to take better care of yourself. Family can be our biggest critics sometimes, to the point in which we become way too disappointed in ourselves
    stariie and pineywood like this.
  18. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    You are so right there Pineywood. It should really be a two way street and even though we know this, it doesn't make it an easy undertaking. Right this minute I am dealing with a stressful situation and sometimes the things I want to do to lash out at the offender, frightens me because it really isn't me to want to hurt or return evil for evil. It's especially at times like this that I too have to dig deep. Guess we'll keep digging together until some treasure is revealed.
    pineywood likes this.
  19. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I try to understand everyone even if they get a bit grumpy sometimes because I am aware that even I get a bit frustrated and stressed sometimes and tend to lash out a bit no matter how much I try and control it. I think it's okay that people slip from time to time as long as you are aware enough to try and limit it and make up for it if it does go a bit overboard.
    pineywood likes this.
  20. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 Senior Contributor

    Absolutely, no one is perfect and as for smoking the whole pack, I would not beat yourself up about it too much, we all have setbacks. And yes they might be disappointed in you but they need to realise that everyone makes mistakes and that if they were in your shoes then maybe they might like a little bit more understanding.
    pineywood likes this.