If you find yourself on edge in a crisis situation, do you have a specific person you call or thing you do to help you back off of that ledge? I don't have a supportive family member and often talking to them makes things worse so I don't go to them. I have found some wonderful people on line though and chatting via skype or exchanging texts with them often helps. It has been useful for me to find people struggling with the same things to both get help/support and offer it. Sometimes I find that in offering suggestions and support to others that way, I'm finding answers for myself too.
I know a lot of people that can't turn to their families because none of their family members are willing to provide support. I wouldn't have that issue myself, but I am the person a couple of friends would go to for assistance in a crisis situation. Unfortunately, not everyone is willing to help someone who is going through tough times with addiction or other issues.
All my life I have sorted things out by myself when I got into trouble. I never liked discussing my problems with other people. I prefer to stew over them for as long as it takes. Often I ruminate for weeks until a solution is found. During my days when I gave up drinking and had to deal with severe post traumatic stress symptoms, I went to see a Buddhist counselor who gave me all the tools that I needed to overcome my difficulties. Getting to know this wonderful person has been one of the biggest gifts in my life.
Hats off to you, Fern! I'm glad you're going out of your way to help others despite what you've been through. It's also relieving to know that you didn't wallow in self-pity and instead took it upon yourself to be an agent of change albeit in an online sense. Still, your simple efforts have made a difference in people's lives one way or another. Those people you helped online may be suffering more than you but you took the time to help them. They will surely be thankful for your kindness.
I'm British, therefore my standard emergency response is to make a cup of tea and keep a stiff upper lip! Seriously though, I'm not one to talk about my problems though so I tend to visit forums if I need advice - like this place!
I have heard that many people usually turn to a certain family member or friend, but I have also known people to go to a certain place to calm themselves and take their minds off of the issue at hand. If you can find your person to confide in or find your place of tranquility, then that would certainly be beneficial to you. Go for a walk, go drink some coffee or take a nap, even those things could help out.
I'm glad that you were able to find help from others, and in return, you're also supporting them with your suggestions and advices. I think that's the best thing we have to do when our families and friends have already given up on us or when they don't care about us anymore. Instead of shutting yourself up in your own little word, it's much better to talk out your feelings to other people. As for me, I'm thankful and blessed to have a family that is still there to guide and offer me a helping hand. Have a great life, Fern!
I dont have a family support unit either and at times my oh can be very difficult to talk to. So I just have to deal with it myself, it's not a big deal, it's just something I have always done to be honest. Like you, I find offering advice to others can help me find the answer within myself.
My default response is usually my sister (whom I live with) or my boyfriend. If I can’t reach out to those two, I usually try to text/call a supportive friend who I know is a great listener. In my crisis situations, it usually tremendously helps to have someone listen to me and validate my feelings. Tell me that it’s okay to feel what I’m feeling and hint that it will pass. For whatever reason, I hate hearing the words “it’s gonna be ok”. I’m so thankful for the wonderful validating listeners in my life J
I have a good friend that I can always turn to and call as many times as I need to. With that said, I think support groups are great because even the best friend can get worn out. Depending on the situation, we often have a tendency to ruminate and repeat, so it is best to go to groups where they are expecting it. Some groups even pair you up with another person that you can rely on.
My family is the one I can lean on when I am single but now I'm married, my husband will be the one who I can tell all the hard times I got. Yes, it is very important to lean on someone if you have a problem and I know they will help you. But take the initiative first, talk to your trusted friend or a member of your family about your problem so that they know. Being alone cannot help you or it might ruin emotion and become drowning that lead to depression.
My 11 year old son lives with his father most of the time. He and I have always had a very special bond. When I'm feeling bad for any reason I call him. We'll talk and laugh (this kid is really funny) for a few minutes and I feel better afterwards than I did before I felt bad.
I don't have a specific default response to coping when I am upset. I am pretty good at venting, so often times if I am upset or hurt I will bitch about it to the closest person to me them figure out a way to hit it head on. For example I was recently transferred in my job without promotion. I went straight to manager to tell her I was angry and didn't want to make the move. I told her I deserved the promotion and she talked with me about what I need to do to get it. I made a plan of attack and spoke to my district manager. Thankfully he told me he appreciated my ambition and is considering me for the promotion.
I used to have several people that I can simply text when I'm having a bad day or a problem. But ever since I changed numbers, I lost touch with them too, and now we only chat using Facebook. I do have 1 trusted friend right now who I can confide in with my problems. Apart from him, I also talk to God.
I also do not have someone from family who support me or I can seek help. Whenever I really need help and no one to talk to, I go to church and pray. I feel the quite surrounding helpful in making me think better as well as to decide better.
I can always count on my family. I've learned not to trust my friends. I've learned that friends and family are two entirely different entities. I've been stood up and lied to one too many times and I would not let my fate hang in the balance again because a "friend" of mine decided he got somewhere more important to be in my time of need. My family would jump through hoops to help me up when I'm down and for that I will always be grateful.
Sometimes your family is the worst ones to call. Some are judge mental and will bring up old stories of betrayal and hindsight views. I do have a friend or two that I call upon when times get rough. But before calling anyone I do try and work things out on my own. Reaching out is my last option.