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Do You Know Why?

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by scootpony, Mar 10, 2015.

  1. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    Do you know why you do the things you do? Not so much why you do whatever it is you choose to do now; but rather, why you did it in the first place?
    Most of us can probably say "peer pressure", but I don't think that's the real reason most times. It is certainly convenient and does, most likely, have some bearing; but really I think most of us can come up with something a little more insightful than that.
    For me it was shyness. Just purely a very painful shyness that seemed to be alleviated somewhat by smoking weed and (later) drinking. Over the years, though, I all but completely forgot that shyness played such a big part in my own decisions at the start.
    It took God reminding me before I really thought about it. I argued the point and it took God, again, to tell me that it was ok to be shy. That is, that I didn't have to hide the fact that I was shy, as there was never anything particularly wrong with it in the first place.
    Just that I had always heard it said that there was something wrong with my being shy and I took it to be an undesirable trait with which I was terribly afflicted and anything that made it better was to be considered a friend.
    Somehow, when God made it clear that shy was loveable, too, that was a demon slain for me.
    jeremy2 and pandabear1991 like this.
  2. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    Many people give peer pressure the credit as to why they started drinking and doing multiple drugs. I agree, that is not always the deeper reason behind it. Thank you for posting this. God has helped me through many things and I am certainly glad that He has helped you through your problems as well.
  3. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    I tend to think that "peer pressure" is one of those terms that never should have been coined. It has a way of taking responsibility off the person and putting it on others. When, really, short of being made to do something (at say, gunpoint) we all probably know that the answers we need are going to come from within, having to do with self.
    No matter how much "help" we have in deciding to do or not do something, it is still our decision.
    So glad you have found your help in God as well. Others might not agree, but I really think it's the only true enduring help there is. Maybe it's because God does focus on the insightful over the convenient.
    Maybe it's also just because it's God.:)
  4. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    When I was young, I was very shy as well and had a hard time coming out of my shell to talk to people outside of my immediate friendship circle. At the end of my senior year I began partying and through my substance use I was able to come out of my shell and have a good time around people. I then quit just about everything and was a different person in that I was able to talk to people and be outgoing. There was probably a better way I could have went about being more social, but it was what I did at the time.
    scootpony likes this.
  5. pandabear1991

    pandabear1991 Active Contributor

    This is very true! It's like, being someone who is constantly trying to please all (boss, parents, teachers, co-workers, siblings, friends, mates etc.) and you wind up hurting yourself to the point you have been damaged mentally. It takes a lot to recover from this mindset, but realizing/accepting that you were never the problem to being with is a big step.

    I often have other's try to tell me that I need medication for mood swings/bipolar because I can change my mood easily (not irrationally), adapt to changes very quickly, and because I can quickly analyze a situation and make a good judgment call based on what is presented. What I have realized (especially after 2 years of therapy with a few different therapist) people are always trying to get ahead, and often others feel that the only way to do so is to keep other's down, making them feel like they have a problem somehow. I was a "potential problem" for a lot of coworkers because I was advancing too fast--they and some management didn't like it and found ways to criticize it. But, I have learned to let the past go and to move forward being me because God made me perfectly who I am for a reason, I cannot control how other's feel about it or how they view me. I will work things out one day at a time, but I will no longer allow such hurtful comments to bother me.

    @Ryder thanks for sharing!
  6. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I tried weed and cigarettes out of curiosity, especially when my close friend at 11 years old already knew how, so she just demonstrated and taught me how to smoke cigarettes. As for weed, well my classmates in high school were taking that stuff and they talk about it to me, so I figured I would want to taste that stuff as well. Fortunately, I never really got addicted to both of them.
  7. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    Humans do things that please them. It's a hard reality that pain dictates our actions. The anticipation and fear of pain is a strong motivator. Another issue is gratification. Mdajority of people would choose instant gratification over delayed gratification.
  8. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    It's best to find out the core of your problems, because if not you'll end up just wasting time treating the symptoms instead of the real cause. Even if you don't end up solving the problem, then you'd at least be left with an understanding of it and to some extent it could give the person some comfort.
    scootpony likes this.
  9. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    Absolutely! If you don't know where the behavior is coming from, how can you hope to do anything about it? It will always come back on you if you never figure out the reason. Once the why is figured out and the truth of it is accepted within, addictions sometimes just drop away.
    Or, if they don't drop away, at least more easily gotten rid of.
    I think because by then a person actually really wants to be rid of it.
    And, after that, you are not so likely to fall back into a bad habit just because something happens in your world to shake you up and cause you stress, thus weakening your resolve.
  10. Rowe992

    Rowe992 Senior Contributor

    I was extremely shy when I was younger and eve to this day I am still a little shy. Many people think that being shy is a bad thing but I can say that being shy has been a great thing for me because it has kept me from doing things that were bad for me and things that I would later regret. Being shy and being insecure are two different things and one doesn't have to try to follow the crowd in an effort to get rid of this shyness.
    scootpony likes this.
  11. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    Yup, the best way to treat a problem is to first identify what it actually is, not what it seems like. Unfortunately, most people can't be objective enough so they just tact on their personal beliefs or olds wives tales they learned from their parents instead of listening to actual scientifically proven methods brought on by modern studies, whether it be rooted in physiological or psychological aspects.
  12. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Shyness isn't really wrong. There could be disadvantages with being shy because you dread socializing with other people; you would be misunderstood by them.

    People thought I was shy before, but the truth was I just didn't want to talk to others. I didn't know why. I secluded myself too much from humanity and I felt that they really didn't understand me, I thought they were just making me believe with their lies. But right now, I'm trying to keep up with some people.
  13. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Other addicts [and I write from experience] opt to use drugs because of problems. Some have lost jobs. Good jobs and they're unwilling to embrace the fact that that one doesn't need a good job to have other people's respect. So they drink, get any menial job they can do and use the little money they earn to buy more alcohol. Vicious cycle.
  14. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    Very true!

    I've seen that happen before with more than one friend along the way. With men who've lost jobs in particular, though not always. And it really IS a vicious cycle.
  15. May102014

    May102014 Active Contributor

    True indeed! Some people use drugs as an escape to their problems. They run from the pressure of everyday life. It let's them think their problems are gone although in reality it didn't go anywhere. Using drugs only worsens the present problem and complicates things even more. Opening a path for new problems to arise.
  16. AskLaplace

    AskLaplace Member

    Thanks for posting this. It made me reflect on myself. I am a pretty timid person and I was always bothered by it since this world is filled with people that are otherwise. I am shy towards strangers, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. I took a personality test soon after and found out that I am an INTP. Now I just need to focus on my strengths and acknowledge my weakness.
    scootpony likes this.
  17. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    Sometimes we don't understand why we act and behave that way to what we are doing in our life. Sometimes we found ourselves having a hard time to have a healthy relationship with other people that is why we are often shy and wants to isolate ourselves from them. And this made other people thinks that we have insecurities in ourselves. As a person I also had this attitude that I don't mingle with other people easily and ever since I was young I am always shy in front of other people. Even up to now that I am an adult already sometimes I am still like that. But I am just being honest to what I am feeling for myself. So what I am trying to do now is to learn how to interact to other people to gain respect for myself.
  18. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    While I agree with you to an extent about the peer pressure thing, whenever people are in a group, individuals are capable of turning into a completely different person.
    scootpony likes this.
  19. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    As an adult I find I am far less shy than simply reserved and tend to be introspective, though I do open up a good bit around those close to me. I had to look up INTP to see what it is. I didn't take the test, but by reading can tell I share a lot of the INTP characteristics. Whatever that means. Somebody is always coming up with these little tests that are supposed to put our personalities or the way we process thoughts, etc., into a box.

    That's ok, I guess. It just seems like there are an awful lot of them around--tests that put people in boxes, I mean. They might be insightful for some people, and a help; but I find myself believing that while we may be basically one type or another we all overlap in some ways as well.
    AskLaplace likes this.
  20. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    I do what I want because I want to do it. Thankfully I have made it this far based on that. I have done quite a bit of drug expirimentation, but have been lucky enough to never have put myself in a situation I can't get out of.
    scootpony likes this.