Do you know why you do the things you do? Not so much why you do whatever it is you choose to do now; but rather, why you did it in the first place? Most of us can probably say "peer pressure", but I don't think that's the real reason most times. It is certainly convenient and does, most likely, have some bearing; but really I think most of us can come up with something a little more insightful than that. For me it was shyness. Just purely a very painful shyness that seemed to be alleviated somewhat by smoking weed and (later) drinking. Over the years, though, I all but completely forgot that shyness played such a big part in my own decisions at the start. It took God reminding me before I really thought about it. I argued the point and it took God, again, to tell me that it was ok to be shy. That is, that I didn't have to hide the fact that I was shy, as there was never anything particularly wrong with it in the first place. Just that I had always heard it said that there was something wrong with my being shy and I took it to be an undesirable trait with which I was terribly afflicted and anything that made it better was to be considered a friend. Somehow, when God made it clear that shy was loveable, too, that was a demon slain for me.