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Do you still believe them when they say they'll quit?

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Tremmie, May 27, 2015.

  1. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Yesterday he seemed so serious when he told me he wants to quit smoking, he sounded so serious I did believe he would. I told him: can you please try to only smoke 4 cigarettes tomorrow? . He said he would. I asked him today and he had 6.

    Yesterday he told me things like: ''smoking is like a parasite and I need to get rid of it'', ''I spend 120 euros minimum on this every month, I need to stop'', ''I'll finish this pack and won't buy another one.

    Today when I asked him how many cigs he had smoked, I also asked him: what are you going to do once you are done with that pack? He said: ''I don't know''. This is what always happens every time he says he is going to quit... EVERY TIME.

    I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt right now, but I'm not sure if I can believe him this time... I want to believe him, and I have heard it takes several tries for the smokers to stop smoking. So we will see, but I'm having my doubts. All I can do now is support him.
  2. mwin43587

    mwin43587 Active Contributor

    We have to believe them even if we don't believe them. This will greatly affect their decision to quit.
  3. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    I believed an alcoholic for seven years and almost destroyed myself in the process. Because I've been burnt, broken and abused I now believe I'll believe it when I see it rather than I believe it because you say it. I left him and my life is amazing now. It's like a giant weight has been lifted off of me and I am elated.

    Cigarettes in my mind are a ridiculous thing for you to nag him about. If he is good to you, supportive and loving... Who cares if he smokes. If he knows he needs to quit let him do it on his own time. He obviously doesn't want to do it anymore, just be supportive.
  4. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I would try to understand that he/she is having a hard time to quit, but I won't fully believe him/her. I would be patient and hopeful though until that person has changed for the better.
  5. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    It's a pitfall most smokers or any substance or drug abuser experience all the time. They have the idea of quitting but don't have the laid out plan to do it. That's where you come in as the significant other. For now your role is that of a cheerleader, keep on cheering for him until he wins the fight. After he wins the fight you now become the manager who guides him throughout so he won't go down the lowly path again. At this time, just hang on to your patience and believe that he will voluntarily quit one day. Cheer on! :)
  6. gmckee1985

    gmckee1985 Senior Contributor

    I'll give people plenty of chances. But at a certain point I'll stop believing them. Sure, we all make mistakes in life, and don't follow through with things we say we are going to do. Regardless, you have to hold people to a standard. If you're they're not living up to it repeatedly, eventually most people will stop believing. It's human nature, and a perfectly reasonable reaction.
  7. trevermorgana

    trevermorgana Active Contributor

    No I wouldn't. But I would encourage and support them no matter what. I believe more in results, I know it sounds cruel but its simply what I've been taught by experience to accept when it comes to those near me that have stumbled on the same path I have stumbled in.
  8. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    Try and get him on vaping. As much as I understand your frustration, I think it would also be more practical to try and understand his as well, since giving up on smoking is no easy task and although non smokers have an idea of the difficulty I don't think they can really grasp the weight of it, and mere willpower will not always be sufficient, so it's better to try creative ways to combat it rather than just trying to brute force it out of your lives. Good luck to both of you.
  9. oraclemay

    oraclemay Community Champion

    I don't believe a drug addict and I would not unless they had help. On the other hand, I would not suspect or accuse them unless there was evidence or they gave me a reason to. I don't think cigarettes are to be taken lightly either. They destroy lives too. So many people die of cancer from smoking, including those who do not smoke, but are constantly around those who do.
  10. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I think with a lot of people, the only thing we can do is believe them. Many people might say it, want to do it and have every intention of quitting but the addiction takes over and they can't help themselves.
  11. superbobby

    superbobby Active Contributor

    You need to be there to support him. It takes time and patience. One step at a time. He already has quitting in mind. He just need someone to push him there.
  12. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    When he says that he will quit smoking, then he means it but he does not know how. You need to be encouraging him as one day he will stop smoking. It does not happen instantly but any step he takes towards quitting must be seen as progress.
  13. superbobby

    superbobby Active Contributor

    Exactly! Encourage him to read forums like ours so that he can have an idea where to start.
  14. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Good thing is he is thinking about giving up smoking.

    That's the first and most important step. Very few people quit smoking cold turkey. No matter how many times he has told you he'll stop smoking and fails to, don't lose faith. Believe him and stand by him. Keep encouraging him. Nudge him on gently and eventually you'll both get what you want.
  15. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    I would say that you should stop talking about it. Don't ask and don't badger. This causes a person to obsess towards the addiction. You are encouraging it by rambling on about it. You are actively part of the problem. Putting energy and negative energy into it is not going to help him. Think good thoughts, feel good and imagine him free of this addiction. Stay as quiet as you can about it. Focus all your attention on him being free. Wait and watch how he responds. You are an active part of the problem.
  16. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    My parents have wanted to quit smoking for a long time but they can't seem to do so. They always say that they'll quit tomorrow, but then end up somking as much as they did in the past days. I offered to help them since I went through a recovery process but they won't budge, so I kind of just gave up on them since they are so stubborn. Nowadays I don't mention it.
  17. anorexorcist

    anorexorcist Community Champion

    Trying to quit smoking is not easy, try to understand them. But they need to work on it too, they can't just wait to something bad or really big happens to them for stop smoking. I know that is hard but they can do it progressively, even smoking one cigarette less every day can make a difference.
  18. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    The only person that can make the decision to quit is the person that wants to quit. The best thing to do is to support the person without judgement. You asked him to only have 4 cigarettes and he had six he was only 2 cigarettes away from the goal. The best way to quit a habit is to not beat yourself up if you fall short but get up and try again. I'm pretty sure with support and encouragement you will be doing the best you can to help someone break a bad habit.
  19. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I believe most who say they will quit believe they will and I believe them also. Sadly it doesn't often happen in the time frame that we believe it should if ever at all. I am fresh out of a conversation with a former weed addict who told me he made several attempts to quit and struggled for about a year before he finally became free. Tremmie, don't stop believing and in time I hope he believes enough in himself, to quit.
  20. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Well he is probably doing the best he can do. Really if he is only smoking 5 or 6 a day that is not a lot. My guess is that he has smoked much more in the past. It does take people several tries to quit smoking. I rue the day I ever started least I don't smoke every day now, and I will be smoke free again I know it!
    Winterybella likes this.