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Does a family member steal from you to support their habit?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by pineywood, Apr 12, 2015.

  1. Mally

    Mally Member

    Yes, when i was younger my dad use to take my lunch money I had saved up as well and any money anywhere in the house to get his fix. Anything of any value anywhere was taken and either sold to the first person he could find or taken to the pawn shop. At that point he would then disappear for days everytime. I never really brought it up because he was my dad but he knew he had done wrong. In later years he admitted to his wrong doing and has since been clean but it was always such a embarrassing subject I never wanted to bring it up.
  2. LindaSuzanne

    LindaSuzanne Active Contributor

    I would be wealthy if I could get back the things my son stole from me at the height of his drug taking. Money, vouchers, bank card, you name it he took it. He also sold my jewellery and my daughter's possessions. We had to have locks put on our bedroom doors to stop it. He eventually went to prison and the relief was huge. I found I could put my purse on the table knowing it would still be there with all the contents when I got back, something most people take for granted.

    Even now, although he is better, I still hide my purse. Old habits die hard and I don't think I will ever be able to completely trust him. He recently stole my bus pass with a picture of me on the front! It was taken off him so at least I got it back.

    The odd thing is, he stole before he had a drug habit, so that was something he was comfortable about doing from an early age. I have never been able to understand this as the rest of us are so honest.
  3. mooray

    mooray Active Contributor

    I do not trust addicts. In fact, the ones that try to hide their addiction are the ones you should be afraid of since they can do almost anything to get hooked up. I have stories of women trading sex for drugs. Why not steal money if they can? I know a friend who stole a gas cooker to get money for drugs.
  4. Sadly but true I have had this happen to me. I have a father who is a re-lapsing addict, and I thought for years that I could help him. But I only come to realize that I can not, I have had him come into my own home and steal from me. It was then that I realized everything my mother had to go thru being married to an addict. I remember growing up seeing him steal from my mom, and the people closet to us. It truly is sad when an addict hurts the people they love, all we can do is love them and support them from afar.
  5. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    My biological dad stole from me and my mom to support his gambling addiction. We thought he wanted to reconnect, but the first chance he had he stole a big sum of money from my mom. He stole $50 from my purse... Needless to say I ant nothing to do wit him, because someone who does that does't deserve my time and attention at all. I hate thieves, how long can you go if you feel it is ok to steal from the mother of your daughter? Completely despicable...
  6. Amelie Santos

    Amelie Santos Active Contributor

    I'll never forget coming home from school and seeing my favorite uncle rummage through my parents' drawers. It was years and years ago, but I still feel the sting of betrayal. He was so handsome and charming - I thought he was the coolest guy in the world next to my father. Sadly, he's now a cautionary tale.
  7. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    It is very possible for a family member to steal from you in order to feed their drug habit. I used to do it to my mother constantly. I wasn't only stealing money from my mother, but I was going through her cupboards in an attempt to steal pain pills. I went to my grandmother's house last year looking for vicodin in her cupboards and ended up finding a ton of them.
  8. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I think we're lucky enough because none of our family members have been totally addicted to drugs/alcohol to the point that they could already steal from you. And I hope we wouldn't have to face such situation in the future.
  9. AnDaughtery

    AnDaughtery Member

    My mother and her husband keep a running tab with anyone they know. Now don't get me wrong my mom is a functional marijuana user and her husband occasionally dips into cocaine and such ( at least I pray its just him not that I want him to do it at all) She works as a manager in her job but they cannot keep money for anything! They also stole my identity just so they could have lights turned on because they couldn't pay their bill I now have a 1000 light bill on my credit. To answer your question though, no, I have never been directly stolen from as far as possesions or cash money but my name yes.
  10. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    I can admit to have stolen from my mother some cash to buy marijuana. At first she never realised until when I started stealing notes instead of coins. That made everybody in my family to hate me. They said that, that resulted to my failure in classwork. That has affected me until now, even though I stopped the behavior, they have never trusted that I will never do that again.
  11. GettingBetter

    GettingBetter Senior Contributor

    Yeah, I've been stolen from. It's tough to handle because I really cared about the person and my feelings were very hurt. It sucks when you have to be so careful to protect your money and belongings around family. I knew the person didn't want to hurt me but I still felt betrayed and even though it hasn't happened in a long time and I understand the reasons, I still have some anger left over from it.
  12. dkelly

    dkelly Active Contributor

    I have known addicts and have had family steal from me and neither scenario feels good. I can imagine that having an addict around who is stealing from you would make things worse. It's also possible that the longer this kind of thing is tolerated the more we enable an addict.
    poogie likes this.
  13. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    When I was with my partner he didn't directly steal from me but I would give him money to put gas in the car or pay bills and he would tell me that he lost it. The first time I believed it but then when he kept telling me I knew it wasn't true. Anytime I gave him money he went and brought liquor with it. It wouldn't matter if we had no food in the house he would still buy alcohol instead of food. I could never understand that. Looking back I was the enabler because he would spend the money on booze and I would borrow money from work to get groceries. I always ended up paying no matter which way it went.
  14. cpinatsi

    cpinatsi Senior Contributor

    An ex boyfriend of mine used to have that bad habbit of stealing stuff and money from the house in order to go out and buy himself some alchohol and other substances.This is so wrong in many ways and that is the reason we are not still together.
  15. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    Well, my older brother used to steal from me so that he can feed his addiction to meth. He took my money, my valuables, you name it. He will take anything that he can get his hands on as long as he can buy meth. The sad part about this is when I told our parents that he was stealing from me, they told me that I should take care of my stuff, that I should keep them under lock and key. That was their solution. I felt angry, and helpless, and alone. But looking back on it, I think my parents didn't really know what to do with my brother back then. They were really helpless too.
  16. Amelie Santos

    Amelie Santos Active Contributor

    @Mara, I'm sorry you were victimized because of your brother's addiction. It's even sadder because one should expect protection from an older brother, not theft. But I'm glad you found the grace to see things from your parents' point of view and understand what they were going through themselves. They're lucky to have you.
    Mara likes this.
  17. poogie

    poogie Member

    I guess you would have to define stealing. My daughter has CONNED me out of over 30 grand trying to "save" her and her daughter from evictions, electric turned off and so on. She was working and all her money was going to heroin. I was in the dark for quite a while and she had a child... my grandchild. Once I found out what was going on, I stopped the money and she stole from stores and has got caught. Did that stop her? No.

    I have have many things go missing through the years. While I was mad at her, I realized it was just stuff. But this last weekend was the breaker. She couldn't afford a graduation party for her daughter so I held it here and paid for it. After the party, my other daughter was missing $80 out of her purse and I am missing my gold jewelry. The biggest kick in the teeth is that my ring is gone that my mother gave me for my graduation (almost 50 years ago) that I was going to leave to her daughter. That one brought me to my knees. Can't prove she did it, but it was a very small family party and no one else would ever think of taking anything.

    The first time was cocaine. She cleaned up for a few years and I forgave her. The second time was heroin and she went into 2 years of treatment. I was in a we'll see mode as I know it wasn't over in my heart as she was smoking pot. And now, only 1 year later, she is back to the cocaine. She just lost her job... again and it won't be long until she is in jail because her pattern is starting all over again. She thinks she is fooling us. She needs help and she knows how to get it.

    I have been dealing with this for 17 years with only a very few years clean and I am done. I have only my granddaughter to protect now. She will never be allowed in my house again until she can prove to me that she is really determined to stop. I love her and I hope she will get sincere in getting help. But I know we are nowhere near that point so I have to let her go.

    I applaud all who are seriously trying to change their lives. God be with you.
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2016
    hope4usmn likes this.
  18. Star

    Star Member

    My father used to steal money from me many times when I was a little girl just to support his drug addiction! He did this for years, and as a little girl back then,I didn’t fully understand why he was always taking my money or what he needed it for! As I got older, I began to realize what was really going on and why he kept taking my money! It pissed me off as a little girl to go in my little purse and see my birthday money gone or money other relatives had given me just vanish! The fact that he wouldn’t even tell me he took it, and Just go and steal from his daughter like that still hurts me to this day,even at 25 years old! I understand what your going through.
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2018
  19. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    I'm sorry that happened to you, @Star. My oldest son stole from me and my wife and his little brother. It's such a horrible thing to have to deal with, on top of the actual addiction.
  20. Star

    Star Member

    Yes it is! It’s one of those things that I could never wrap my mind around. I know that addiction is soooo powerful and it will make you do anything, even if that means hurting your loved ones in the process!