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Does Expecting Too Much Set Up a Recovering Addict For Failure?

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Rainman, Jan 9, 2016.

  1. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Take the example of an addict who used drugs to deal with social anxiety. While sure there are many ways to deal with social anxiety fact is nothing changes over night and if this person expected that things will change fast and they don't they may opt to continue using drugs.

    Others might expect that once they stop using drugs they'll be able to solve problems their addiction has caused them but that too might take a while and if the recovering addict isn't patient s/he may want to cope with that by using drugs.

    Just my thoughts.

    Do you think expecting too much sets up recovering addicts for failure?
  2. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    I think expecting too much in life in general is a bad thing, it's usually a ramp for failure. I made a habit to not expect things anymore, they happen when they should happen and I should do my best in every situation I'm put in. Life is a fun game, but you have to know how to play it!
  3. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I agree that this applies to most things in life. While it is good to keep a positive attitude it is best not to expect too much and then set yourself up for disappointment and failure. You just have to take life one day at a time and figure it out along the way.
  4. peetbernadis

    peetbernadis Active Contributor

    Sometimes changes are brought about very quickly, sometimes it may take longer and other times it might take quite some time. We should never create too great expectations which might lead to feelings of inadequacy and uselessness
    when things do not work out the way we expected.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    I think that with anything, if you set the bar too high you're quite possibly setting yourself up for failure. Expectations can oftentimes be resentments waiting to happen. Just my $0.02.
    Rainman likes this.
  6. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    I didn't notice a problem with myself expecting too much out of my recovery, but it's frequently the issue that people helping to aid someone through recovery expect too much of the person and end up pushing them back over the edge.
  7. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I think it's always good to have a positive attitude, but I absolutely agree that sometimes if you think you'll never fail then you're kidding yourself. The fact of the matter is we're human - we're imperfect by nature, and yes -- we do make mistakes (even though that can be hard to admit sometimes!)

    I think the best way to approach it is with commitment, and remembering that if you fall off the horse it's okay - you just have to commit to getting back on it again.
  8. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    I think it's okay to dream or to have goals but we have to be realistic as well. Recovering from an addiction takes a long time, a lot of energy and lots of courage. If a person is able to realise this, then maybe recovering can be achieved more easily than he thinks. Of course, there will he difficulties and failures along the way but it's part of the process of recovery. Otherwise, anyone and everyone can recover from substance abuse easily. But that's not the case, substance abuse takes twice, thrice, more effort than we can think of.
  9. thelp

    thelp Member

  10. thelp

    thelp Member

    When do you think the people trying to help push to much ? My daughter is a heroin addict and was in detox for seven days and now has been out for four days now and needs to help pay for her car ,phone and rent staying in a sober house because I can't pay for all this plus my own bills . She is staying in a sober house now and going to meetings so when should I start asking her to find a part time job? the person that runs the sober house says not to push her but I think she has to start helping out. Any help on this would be great
  11. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    More than failure by itself, those expectations might be so frustrating that may revert any progress already made, or refrain people from keep trying to get clean and sober.

    My best advice here would be trying honestly and don't expect anything on each day small or huge progression, but hope for the best when reaching the ultimate goal; to gain sobriety back.
  12. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    I'm sorry to tell you this, but less than two weeks into recovery there is no way possible that you can expect someone to get a job. I'm not saying to pay for her things for her, because I know my parents wouldn't have, but to be honest she's probably not going to be needing her car or phone anytime soon. Recovery is a VERY long road, and you should expect her to continue to be in recovery for years to come. Your main focus right now should be on her not relapsing, which odds are she WILL do if she is forced to get a job anytime soon.
  13. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    It could be one factor for failure or relapse. Agree that expecting too much to yourself and to other people could be a bad thing. There are things that better to be done or achieve slowly.
  14. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Well, expecting too much about anything could either motivate you or make a failure out of you. It really depends on how you're going to deal with such thing, but as for me, people should just expect the worst, but hope for the best.
  15. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Probably, it would make sense. I think that goes without saying for a lot of different situations. Using drugs for social anxiety, hmmm. It seems kind of ridiculous, but I guess that is what alcohol is also used for. Then it becomes something that is used to do everything. Seems even more ridiculous. So if they thought they could quit when they use it to do almost everything that does sound like a very unrealistic venture to think you can just quit something completely when you use it so often to actually function. Step by step, little by little, with, a back up plan.
  16. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I do think that expecting too much in general is bad, and when it comes to addiction recovery it's even worse. I always try to keep a very realistic expectation when it comes to everything in my life. Because well, you just never know how things will turn out. It's better to stay on the safe side and don't expect much.
  17. littlemouse

    littlemouse Member

    I truly think expecting too much is a surefire way to set yourself up for failure. That's why most recovery programs put emphasis on focusing on one day at time. Sure, it's good to have long term goals but don't let those weigh you down. It can be overwhelming to see how much farther you have to go. Instead, appreciate how far you've come! It can be hard to remain sober when you use drugs as a crutch for things like social anxiety. Especially when coming down because that just makes you anxious and paranoid anyway. This is why it's extremely important to have a steady support system.
  18. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    It definitely can be a set up for failure. It's better to just take things in stride and one step at a time. Having high expectations is getting ahead of ourselves.
  19. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    I don't think expecting too much is the problem, it's just about how persistent you are. If you expect to be clean from addiction that's good but if you fail at times don't beat your self up about it just get up and keep trying. A lot of times people have relapses and think they can't beat there addictions, that's what causes failure. Persistence is the key.
  20. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    The key to avoid being disappointed is to not have too much high expectations in the first place. The best thing to do is to take things one step at a time.