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Does offering to quit with a friend actually help?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Friend' started by BlanketOfSecrecy, Jun 27, 2015.

  1. I've got a couple friends with alcohol problems that I'd like to help. I was thinking about offering to quit drinking with them so they had a sober person to be around. I'm not really a big fan of drinking these days anymore. It seems like a waste of money and I sometimes feel crappy the next day.

    I was just wondering if anyone had an experience with doing this to help others. I don't want to get my hopes up if I do decide to this with my friends because that might be frustrating and could make it harder on them if I get mad or something. I just think if I was in that situation, I might want someone to do it, if anything to make me feel a little less lonely about quitting. I guess that's sorta what a sponsor from AA is a little like, correct?
  2. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Are your friends ready to quit?

    If they are then your offer to quit with them would be good for all of you. However if your friends don't as yet realize that they have a drinking problem then they'll either not accept your offer or will do so out [a courtesy of sorts extended your way] but since they haven't yet made a commitment to fight their addictions at the end of the exercise they'll still be drinking as they used to in the past.

    But don't wait for your friends if they aren't ready. It's your life. If you want to stop drinking — do it.
  3. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Being friends, we want for our friends the best, but only until they are convinced that addiction has turned hell to them is that we can offer to quit with them.

    This type of situations are very personal and depend on factors that you can only determine, same as the chances to succeed.
  4. DancingLady

    DancingLady Community Champion

    If they want to quit and are ready to accept support in order to do so, I think it could be very helpful. Support from friends and family can be the most effective because the person already knows you genuinely care about them.
  5. artkat96

    artkat96 Member

    I think it could be super helpful! It's a lot easier to do things if you know you're not the only one in it. What's that saying, "two is better than one"? Having a friend there along for the ride sounds great.
  6. pingufan

    pingufan Member

    I have agreed to quit with a friend a few times. However I often feel that the reliance on another is only a negative thing as it disempowers myself. Many times my friend has caved and I have just gone down with them, this has caused it to be even more of a challenge to me. Especially when the drugs have been around me with a friend taking them.
    My advice is to stay true to yourself and quit for YOU, not to rely on another to help you in doing so as it can drastically backfire.
  7. harold

    harold Community Champion

    You need to quit for your own good. If it is possible, convince your friends to quit with you. It will be difficult for you to convince them to quit with you. Some of them might even think that you are trying to be bossy. That is why you need to be prepared to show them the negative effects the drinking is having on all of you. Let them know how much money they are wasting on it, and how negatively the drinking is affecting your lives. If they are not willing to listen to you, quit and do not border about being lonely. They will gradually see how relieved and better you are and imitate you, or you might just find yourself in better company. Quitting does not mean you cut links with your friends. You could still interact with them except when they are going to drink.
  8. light

    light Active Contributor

    Your initiative is to be admired and I congratulate you about it. Becoming a sober person may be a bit difficult if your friends want to follow another path. You must have great determination in your decision of not falling again into the trap of alcohol and meanwhile not to abandon your friendship. I suggest you to think about great ideas of how could you and your friends spent your ‘alcohol money’ to do crazy things, you’ve never done before. Speak with your friends about these ideas and go and do them, even if they may disapprove at first. Staying with your friends while they drink alcohol and you trying to become sober, is like a challenge for them to convince you to do the same… So make them quit alcohol by find a great interest or hobby which makes you happy and inviting them to do the same.
  9. JessiFox

    JessiFox Active Contributor

    First off, I think it's great of you to think about that and to want to...speaks volumes about your character. I think it really depends on the person, among other things. Are they ready and wanting to quit? Also, some people feel more of a responsibility to friends and commitments like that than others. It could be very helpful for some people, but others could feel too pressured or just apathetic.
  10. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @BlanketOfSecrecy... Your intention is certainly good, and I think you could certainly make the offer and see how they react to it. That said, they have to be ready to get sober. If they're not, it's likely that nothing will make them change right now.

    When my older son was in rehab for heroin addiction, a family therapist told me and my wife to "be the change you want to see in your son." The point being, it was hypocritical of us to tell our son to stop self-medicating while we were having a glass or two of wine after work to "take the edge off." So my wife and I both quit drinking to set an example for our son. He did eventually get clean, but it wasn't for another four years or so. I know it's not exactly the same situation, but I think you get the general idea: Even though we quit drinking, our son wasn't ready to quit heroin. So our actions didn't convince him to change.

    All that said... There's no reason why you can't quit drinking even if your friends don't want to do it with you. I agree that it's a waste of money, and hangovers are not fun. It's been almost seven years since my wife and I quit drinking and we have no regrets whatsoever. We've saved money, set an example for our younger son, feel healthier, don't wake up feeling like crap after a night out, and don't have to worry if we're sober enough to drive. A life without alcohol is anything but boring. In fact, I think life is more fun now, because of all those reasons I stated.

    Thanks for coming by the forum and posting. I wish you much success!
  11. mickella18

    mickella18 Active Contributor

    There is always power in togetherness. If you offer to quit too you are setting the right example for those around you.

    Lead them to the right path and be an agent of change.
  12. MNyte

    MNyte Member

    Yes, it does help to quit in a group - altogether assists a lot. Just make sure that all of you regulate.
  13. sksmith094

    sksmith094 Member

    YES! Years ago, my best friend and I both smoked marijuana for the very first time together in high school. We remained best friends (and still are to this day) throughout college. We also remained potheads... It wasn't until our Junior year of college that we decided we needed to drop the weed, and prepare for our futures. We tried "quitting" several times, only to start back up again when we got too bored of being sober. We were finally able to quit and neither one of us have smoked since our last year of college together. We constantly keep each other motivated to not touch it anymore, and without that friend quitting with me I really am not sure if I would have been able to do it.
  14. sonia11

    sonia11 Senior Contributor

    I like the idea, but just be aware that it may not help if they aren't ready to quit. They may not be ready to admit they even have a problem. If they do want to quit, though, having someone around to help remove the temptation to drink would likely be really helpful. Good luck!
  15. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    You can always encourage each other as long as you live or work together. Make sure that you do not backslide. Avoid going to your favorite pubs for drinks. If you and your friend are students, consider concentrating on studies. I know that others will follow your path as long as they see you leading a better life.
  16. Velin

    Velin Member

    There is no guarantee what will help your friend. But it is definitely worth trying afterall it is about changing life of your friend for better.
  17. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I am with you here on this one. Help a friend and help yourself while you are at it. Even if it doesn't turn out the way you would like you should feel good knowing you did your part to help. Whatever happens make sure to help yourself and you are to be commended for caring this much. Go for it with a positive attitude and the results could be very rewarding.