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Drug and Alcohol Abuse...Nothing New

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by lin-duh, Jul 23, 2015.

  1. lin-duh

    lin-duh Member

    Well, where do I begin?

    My dad is an alcohol and cocaine addict. I'll never forget the day that I was folding clothes and putting them away, and I found a plate, an old canceled credit card and half of straw -- which was cut off at an angle -- in his underwear drawer. I put his clothes on top of the dresser and never mentioned it to him.

    When I was 14, I started drinking. My first drink was a Smirnoff Green Apple. A friend of mine had an older brother -- much older -- and he bought us booze all the time. He took us to his friends' houses all the time. Now, I realize that they were perverts. One was 23 or 24 and would get me drunk and try to have sex with me. I was a virgin and never gave in, but he'd make comments like, "What, is your ***** made of diamonds?" We kissed and touched way more than we should have considering my age.

    I was hooked on the buzz of alcohol, though. I loved it. I never wanted to do anything if alcohol wasn't going to be there. I once enjoyed going to basketball or football games at school, but I started only going if I could sneak vodka inside in a water bottle. I once enjoyed spending the night at friends' houses, but I only wanted to go if there was a chance I could drink while I was there.

    I got to know bouncers at local clubs and dated older guys. By the time I was 18, I had been drinking at bars for years.

    I got a DUI when I was 20. I blew a .28. The cops were amazed that I was walking, talking and functioning as well as I was, considering my BAC.

    I never drank and drove after that, but I kept drinking. A lot. I drank when I was happy, when I was sad, when I was pissed, when I had extra money, when it was the weekend, when it was a holiday, and just whenever.

    I met my now-husband. He's not a big drinker, but he has addiction issues of his own. When we met, he told me he was an ex-cocaine addict. Okay. Well, come to find out, he wasn't an "ex" anything.

    All together, he stole about $20,000 from me, between money he stole and things that I owned that he sold.

    He also lied to me constantly.. We were living together, and he'd stay gone for days at a time. Of course, I would be so upset, and my way of coping was by drinking more and more and more.

    Fast forward through a lot of stuff, but he got clean. He's been clean for 2 years now. Then, he picked up drinking.

    We started drinking together. But, he is a very, very, very bad drunk. No one is a "good" drunk, but he is a bad one. He broke our kitchen table, kicked and punched holes in the walls in our house, etc. He grabbed me and choked me a few times.

    Then, we went to the beach with my dad and "stepmom" for a few days. While there, we got wasted. He got hungry, but it was so late that there was nowhere to eat. We went to a gas station, and I bought him one of those pre-made subs while he was in the bathroom. When we left, I gave it to him. He threw it in the air and kicked it like a soccer ball and said that "When a grown man tells you he is hungry, you don't give him a f****** sub!"

    He then proceeded to snatch my purse and dump all of its contents on the ground in the parking lot. He started kicking everything around the parking lot and stomping on stuff to break it on purpose. I was screaming at him (because I was drunk too, of course, and was upset), but that only made him angrier. He grabbed me by the neck and shoved me on the ground and started choking me. He told me that if the police came and he got arrested, he was going to f****** kill me.

    Well, I wasn't the one who called the police, but someone did. To make a long story short, he got arrested, and I had to go and get him the next day.

    Of course, he was apologetic, and it didn't happen again for a long time. Then, over time, he got drunk a few times and broke stuff in our house, but it was nothing until....

    One night, we went to a bar and got drunk. We had a DD. On the way home, he started being belligerent and screaming at me and telling me that "I like sucking other guys' *****." This is not true at all, but he was so pissed and drunk and kept trying to grab the steering wheel and kept pushing our DD.

    Well, our DD pulled over and got out and told him to calm down. Husband got in the driver's seat and took off and started going 90+ MPH on the interstate. He was screaming at me about how much he hates me and wants us both to die. He INTENTIONALLY crossed both of our lanes, crashed through the median, crossed both of the OTHER lanes and flipped the car, landing us in the woods.

    Now, I still have not stopped drinking. I know I should. At least, nothing bad has happened because of my drinking since my DUI when I was 20. He promised that he will not drink anymore. Then, he promised that if he drank "a couple," he wouldn't drink enough to get drunk. Then, it became "If I drink enough to get drunk, I'll make sure we have a DD."

    I don't know what to do, but I'm scared.
  2. lin-duh

    lin-duh Member

    My avatar is one picture of what my 2014 Kia Forte looked like after our accident. Once I load more online, I can show how bad it was. It's literally ruined on all four sides.

    I was upset because he almost killed us. Once I knew we were okay, I was really upset about my car. It was the first car that I ever bought brand new. Now, he tries to make me feel guilty every time that he can tell that I'm upset about my car. He acts like I'm being materialistic for being upset about it. Duh, of course I am glad that we are both okay, but I'm also really upset about my car. I just don't feel like I am in the wrong here.
  3. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Omg...I am in tears. What a terrible way to have to live. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I am sorry about your car and you are in no way in the wrong. You have the right to be pissed. He tried to kill you!! Is there anyway you can get out, go to a shelter for abuse women? They will protect you from him. Get a restraining order. You need to get away for your own safety because next time might be the time that he kills you. He is very unstable and when he drinks he doesn't care about you or anybody else. His behavior is way out of control. I can understand you being scared because just reading this I am scared for you. He may have overcome his cocaine addiction but he is far from okay. I am glad you found this forum and shared your story. There are so many wonderful people here who understand what you are going through and who genuinely care. I am sure you will get lots of support and good advice. Keep talking to us..we are here for you!!
  4. lin-duh

    lin-duh Member

    Thanks for your response. I cry a lot too. But, I love my husband, and when he is sober, he is the best. When he's drunk, 80% of the time he is okay. But, when he isn't okay, he is REALLY bad. I don't want to leave him, and I definitely won't be going to a battered women's shelter since it's MY house that I pay for. But, I don't want to leave him. I just want him to stop.
  5. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I understand you loving him and not wanting to leave. It was just a suggestion and I am sorry if I offended you. I have seen so many situations that ended badly. I hope in time that he will realize that he needs help and will get clean so that he can be the awesome man that you love 100 percent of the time. I do get where you are coming from and I will.pray for you and your husband.
  6. lin-duh

    lin-duh Member

    Hi, L_B! I am so sorry if I came across as being harsh. That was not my intention, and I'm sorry if I came across as offended or upset or anything like that. You were only trying to help. Thanks for the thoughts and positive words. :)
  7. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sorry to know those things that made you suffer or even feel upset. Hope you can find more motivation to totally get rid of the drinking problem, same for you and your husband. Maybe you can try reaching out on some support groups that might be available in your locality.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @lin-duh... Reading your post was difficult for me. No one should have to live the way you are living. I understand that you love your husband. That said, sometimes our love for someone can cause us to stop thinking rationally. I know my wife and I put up with our son's addiction much too long. We thought we were acting out of love, but all we were doing was enabling him to continue his awful behavior.

    I want you to be safe and able to live a life without fear. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that your husband can get the help that he obviously needs. If he gets abusive with you I would urge you to seek help.

  9. Thejamal

    Thejamal Active Contributor

    As the others who have commented said, that was a difficult post to read. I can't imagine dealing with that kind of strife.

    I know you want to stay with him, but from what you described, it sounds like its a really abusive relationship. You have to prioritize your safety. The whole situation with the car and him choking you is not something that should happen to anybody.

    I would do your best to get out and get in a living situation that isn't so harmful to your physical and mental health. That will help with your drinking as well, if you really do want to get help.
    deanokat likes this.