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Dying To Live

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by crc3thebest, Apr 30, 2015.

  1. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

    When can I stop causing pain and agony to myself? At many points, I feel like I am dead, nothing seems to excite me. When will I ever live? The addiction reels me to life, while stopping feels like dying. Is there any other way?

    Most of the time, I feel as if it is time to end this! You know, I try so hard to stop, but I just don't see another way. I just fell in love with the wrong thing in life and can not move on in life. When can there be change in my way? Maybe, it is time to end this.

    My tears don't seem to heal the pain I endore on a daily basis. If there was only a better alternatice in life. My friends and family also judge me and talk about me to everyone. When I am around them, I feel like Jesus before the Romans. I just wish there was another way!
  2. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    If they are the type to judge and talk about you behind your back then I'd say they are the ones who are at fault and you shouldn't be too hard on yourself for feeling sad since you are around toxic people all the time. I recommend finding a way to move away and find new people to be around as soon as possible so you don't end up picking up their traits subconsciously any more than you probably already have.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  3. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    When you get so low And don't see a way out then I think a move and a fresh start somewhere else can be the only way.

    While it's not easy to do, it will at least give you some hope that there is a way through all this.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  4. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    I feel your pain with your every word. Sometimes by venting things out like this, you will have a lighter feeling inside you. In your last sentences I see that you are inclined with your religious side. If you are, know that in every pain and suffering you are feeling there is Someone accompanying you through it all. Sometimes when we are at the lowest moment in our lives and we feel like giving up, going down on our knees and venting it all out can somehow help relieve the burden.

    The negative people trying to put you down are part of the challenges you will face in your quest for change. Don't let them hinder and impact your life. Consider them as blocks thrown at you to build a strong foundation for your brighter future.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  5. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    What do you mean by saying it's time to "end this"? Are you implying you're suicidal? Because if you are, killing yourself isn't going to solve anything. It's just going to make life harder for those people who really love and care for you. Just think of the pain you'd be causing them. However, if ending this means stopping your treatment, then that's not much different. Being an addict ruins your life and the life of those associated with you. Please, think about your entourage first before taking any measures.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  6. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Crc3thebest, I feel like I have heard you cries for help before and wish I knew how to magically bring you to a different place. Sadly, I can't but I urge to do all within your power to find another love. Replace those tears with laughter because there IS A BETTER ALTERNATIVE. There is another way and once you choose that way it will silence the people speaking negatively about you or force them to only say positive things. Right now it's not about them though, focus on you.

    You have a great resource here. Start by entertaining only positive thoughts about your recovery and if you slip and fall get up and go again. No one said it would be easy but it's worth all the effort you put in. Let us know how you are doing every step of the way. We won't judge you. All we are here to do is offer you support and encouragement. Life is for LIVING!
    crc3thebest likes this.
  7. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Using drugs to escape reality is but a temporary solution. You'll have to face the pain sooner or later and the earlier you do that the better it will be for you.

    I've lost much in life and for a time I tried to run away from it, tried to deny it, but came to realize that the only way to move on was to leave the past behind. That didn't get rid of the pain entirely either. But it helped . . . my decision to let go of things that I wouldn't get back freed me.

    You could try the same thing. Don't try to escape the pain. Embrace it and let time do the rest for you. It heals all wounds . . . eventually.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  8. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    That's really sad. Everyone who is struggling, hang on there! Life is worth it and if you don't feel like there's anything worth it to keep you on your feet daily and fight, then fight to having a reason that will keep you on your feet daily! There is absolutely hope for recovery and I hope you guys know that there are people who don't know you but they love you and they worry about you and they pray for you.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  9. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Hi there @crc3thebest ! How are you today? "Everyday may not be good but there is something good in every day." I borrowed that to share to anyone who feels "a mistake" in this world. Of course, you can stop those bad things from happening to you. Harming yourself with drugs is bad enough. Murdering yourself is never smart, either. Inner good part of you does not want to do that. Be honest.
    It's you who can stop your addiction once and for all. You can tell your family and friends that you will prove them very wrong about you. Decide, once and for all, that you will not be an addict anymore. Tell yourself, "Everything is going to be all right." Because it always is.
    Last edited: May 2, 2015
    crc3thebest likes this.
  10. May102014

    May102014 Active Contributor

    It's never too late to quit! Always remember that nothing is impossible if you just put your mind and heart to it. If you take time to relax and think about it, everything will be clear to you. Don't give up on your life. There's so much more you can do with it. Find the strength within and be inspired. You are far more blessed than other people, use that as an inspiration.
    crc3thebest likes this.
  11. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    This is a very sensitive subject for discussion but you're very lucky, did you know? A lot of people whose lives were taken by natural disasters didn't have much of a choice. They - innocent children, young adults full of hope for the future, entire families and old people who wanted to enjoy their retirement - died without warning. They would have given anything to be in your place right now. Unlike them, who can no longer be part of this world (heaven rest their souls), you have a choice. You can choose to stop overthinking, get a grip on yourself and prove to all your detractors that you can live a great and meaningful life through your own efforts. Or... you can do nothing, wallow in self-pity and prove them right. I highly recommend the first choice.
  12. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think you should be concerned with how to improve your life and not what others say behind your back. If you cared and listened to every negative opinion people have of you, then you will never rise up to the challenge because their negative opinions weigh you down. I think it's time for you to not mind what they say, and instead do everything in your power to quit taking drugs. After all, it's for your own good.
  13. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

  14. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

  15. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

    Your empathy influences me to fight even harder! Thank you for empowering me to fight the good fight! God will see us through the dark that encases us. You really emphasized my need for a higher power. From the bottom of my heart thank you!
    gracer likes this.
  16. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

    Sometimes thinking hurts when I have lost so many close friends. I just want to be with them! It is hard to go on with all the judgement, while losing the one's that support you. I would always lift them up and they would lift me up. It's so sad! May God help me!
  17. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

    Wow, your words are very inspiring! I wish I could laugh when all i faith is gone. However, I can't. It is like jumping in a pool knowing you can't swim and others are chanting "Drown". What more could there be to do then?
  18. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

    Your right! All this time I have been lying in my bed tossing and turning for months, dwelling on the past broken relationships that have left me with wounds. Also, lye there thinking on all I gave up that will be impossible to regain. Perhaps, I was born to fail. Maybe, I am not built like the others who overcome what's behind them to see their bright future.
  19. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

    Definitely keep praying for me and others who face the difficulties of living on Earth. At this moment, I feel as if I am on fire, like my soul is burning. When I try to move on the fire burns me up til I comeback.
  20. crc3thebest

    crc3thebest Community Champion

    There currently isn't a confident bone in my body to say I will get better. Imagine being called a mistake every single day of your life. Only then will you understand ending it would stop the pain of being terrorized. Most of the time they strip the soul of happiness right when I start my day. Therefore, I go deeper into the whole I already dug.