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False suicide attempts

Discussion in 'Other Substances' started by primalclaws1974, Jan 6, 2015.

  1. primalclaws1974

    primalclaws1974 Senior Contributor

    I am going to try to remain as neutral as I can about this category, but I am writing it from experience. My ex-wife "attempted" suicide at least 5 times in the 8 years were together, and threatened it a dozen times more. Every time she "tried", she made sure I was aware of what she was doing, and her outcome was always non-life-threatening. Way back then (about 20 years ago) we dabbled at using meth. We had what they call a "quarter" left (1/4 a gram). She ate it, paper and all. I freaked out, because I didn't have a lot of experience in drugs, and didn't know how much could kill you. I was trying to pry it out of her teeth, and all the while it's getting everywhere. She probably swallowed a fraction of it. She went out in an ambulance, as she did a few other times. She was the center of attention, and that was her whole point. At the time I wasn't aware I was being lied to non-stop, and that I was being played. It took a divorce and a few more years for me to really see how much she lied and faked things, and sought negative attention. The same woman falsely accused her dad and cousin of molesting her as a child. I know this all sounds like I don't believe in real suicide attempts and molestation, but that is not the case. I do feel hostility toward people who attempt or succeed in suicide, as I feel they are being selfish. But I do realize there is mental illness sometimes involved. My point to this long post is to ask if you feel suicide attempts are a real effort to die? Is it for attention? Is it a cry for help, and they want to live? In all of this, is there an addiction? Is it an attention addiction? A wanting to be miserable addiction? Is it something else?
  2. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Some suicide attempts are [should call it] a distress call. Something is wrong with the person and they want you to do something for them. Maybe all they want is more attention.

    One of neighbor's kids always threatened that he'd kill himself. The parents would do all they could to stop him from committing suicide. For someone like this one all he wanted was love and needed proof that people loved him.

    There are other people who aren't after attention. They've had a hard of life or something. There's see no light at the end of the tunnel. Only darkness. Since they believe they have nothing to live for, they choose to kill themselves. I had one such friend. He always told people he'd kill himself because his uncle had done something to him. We thought it wasn't serious but one day they found him dead. He'd hang himself in his room one night when his uncle wasn't home.

    So there certainly are different reasons for attempting suicide. But you never can tell when someone wants to end their life [for real] which is why it's advisable to closely watch anyone who has tried to commit suicide in the past [unless you want them to die that is].
  3. Teresa

    Teresa Senior Contributor

    I think the answer to weather it is a cry for attention or a distress call or a manipulative action depends upon the person and the situation. I have no patience for it anymore, my mother recently , while arguing with me stated she was going to slit her wrist, my reply was , please make sure you do it right and cut length wise! sounds cold but consider the fact that I spent many years with a guy who threatened suicide as a way to control me and keep me from leaving. After 17 years of attempts ya think he would of been successful at least once. "If you leave I will kill myself " became "I will kill you before I let you leave" once I no longer believed he had any true intentions of killing himself, even though he would go as far as admitting himself into the mental hosp, but that was also a great way to get meds. He would do his prescription meds, klonopin, xanax, percocet..etc way before it was time for his refills, but in the mental hospital they would give those meds.

    oh and regarding my mother, this is a woman who did not raise me , there is no "normal" mother/daughter bond. She left me with my dad because in her words " ..she would have killed me " and in the short time I was with her, from 5 to 6 years old, she was abusive so at least she knew she might actually kill me and my 4 year old and two year old siblings.
  4. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    These reasons can be for anyone who attempts suicide given the situation as others have mentioned. The root though to me would be a mental imbalance that's has overcome them with so much fear that they believe taking their own life would solve everything.
  5. Nikkishea21

    Nikkishea21 Active Contributor

    She really was craving your attention at this point it seems and it is a good thing that you took yourself out of the relationship before something crazy happened. She reminds me of a friend I had back in college, she would go to the extreme to make up very tall tales about others and even lie about the persons she was involved with. She told a horrid lie with me at the center once and it almost changed my entire life. When you find that these individuals are in your life, you need to break free of them as they will drain the life from your body and smile as they leave you bare and exposed.
  6. primalclaws1974

    primalclaws1974 Senior Contributor

    I understand that each person is different in relation to whether their suicide attempts are real, just talk, or a cry for help. In my case, once I was out of the situation, I could see clearly what it really was. I know I am being a little intolerant for people who saw no other way out, but even if they succeed, I have little sympathy for them. I have tremendous empathy for the ones they left behind however. I started a topic on this through Facebook once, and the debate heated for a month! Some people claimed that unless you go through it you can't understand it.

    Lastly, I want to suggest people watch the documentary "The Bridge". It is 2-4 years old. A camera crew films this man that is pacing back and forth on the Golden Gate (one of the most used locations for suicide) for hours. His friends said that he had threatened suicide for years, and after awhile they didn't believe it. At the end of the documentary the man actually does leap off the bridge. My point is, even if we think we have a person pinpointed as a faker or reversely, think they are serious, one can never really be sure.
    Teresa likes this.
  7. Mockingbird

    Mockingbird Member

    Recently a friend of mine had a son that committed suicide, he had tried unsuccessfully many times before that. It is never a good idea not to take anyone's attempted suicide lightly, I can not begin to tell you the level of damage that is left in the wake of such a terrible situation.

    To survive an attempt is a chance to help that person get things on the right track, this is not something that most of us can do on our own, you need a professional and sadly that will probably mean that person will spend some time in a hospital or an institutional setting under observation for awhile. I don't know how often a person that "tries" this is a faker, I would rather think they just are not good at it. Sometimes it only takes a second to pull it off. I would take it very much to heart if someone I knew attempted to kill themselves, I would rather they hate me forever and be alive then not believe thats the way they really feel and have them do it. Love is hard, caring is even harder.
    morganmar33 and Teresa like this.
  8. Teresa

    Teresa Senior Contributor

    In reading your post Mockingbird I thought of someone I know whose son committed suicide, she will never be the same person she was. I do understand , somewhat, the damage that is left in the wake. I also realized that the reason I believe my ex used it as a means of control is because in those 17 years of threats he never did make an"attempt" . The threats always took place during fights after I would find and flush his heroine or when he thought I was going to leave.
  9. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I also think that they could be just needing love and attention for doing that. They might felt being abandoned or not cared for so, they think that committing suicide falsely can caught attention and could make someone realize their worth in their lives. It could be also their way of getting what they want like blackmailing someone.
  10. primalclaws1974

    primalclaws1974 Senior Contributor

    Well, obviously you haven't been through the hell I have with "suicide attempts". I played the game for eight years. I guess I will sound cold-hearted when I say this, but I wish I would have just let her truly "try". Then I would have got it into my head years before that it wasn't real. If she got hurt or sick, maybe she would have learned her lesson. But I didn't. I was blinded by love. Years later, I can see the fool that I once was.

    I know some people deserve help. Some don't really want to die. I am not saying a person should ignore a person the first time they are not successful, but after nearly a decade, and the person is still alive, and she's "tried" so many times, it's probably not real.
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2015
  11. Teresa

    Teresa Senior Contributor

    I can relate to what primalclaws1974 is saying because as have previously posted in regard to my Ex, with 17 years of claimed intentions and attempts, I think he would have succeeded or at least had some physical evidence indicating an attempt.
  12. primalclaws1974

    primalclaws1974 Senior Contributor

    I can see this as something that would be hard to understand unless someone had actually put you through it. Human instinct is to want to help people who are in pain. An outsider would think I am just unfeeling. Ironically, I have been told by people who have TRIED to commit suicide the same thing. A person cannot understand attempting suicide unless they reach that dark place. She was implying that some people will never get to that point, and therefore cannot relate. Maybe my situation is the same, just on the other side of the coin.
  13. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Interesting, a real drama queen. I think there are many people that experience waves of perhaps wanting to kill themselves. Probably you gave her plenty of attention and it fits the classic scenario. If I do something wrong you pay attention to me. It is a childish mindset. Like if I am bad you love me. If I threaten to kill myself; Will you care? Can you live without me?
    I have never actually experienced someone like this, but I get it. I am amazed as to how many people behave like they are 5 years old and think that if they act up in a bad way. It is the only way to get attention, as if someone you have married you haven't given them enough. You married them. This is the best attention anyone could give.
    There are many reasons anyone would want to kill themselves. Especially today. Unemployment and financial problems. There are also the occurrence of many other things that severely affect one person more than another. EMF waves and frequencies. Electromagnetic pollution from cellphones, computers, and other devices. Power lines and towers. Those big high voltage towers are the worst to live near. We are literally swimming in a sea of electromagnetic pollution. Haarp is located in Alaska it is a system connected to satellite that affects many different things. One being, it is said that it can be directed at a population to induce suicidal thoughts.
    So, considering, to me if anyone has any suicidal thoughts. The best way to think about it is that it is not part of you. It is artificial. Separating oneself from the thought this way can make you feel better about it. Hopefully she never does it.
  14. OhioTom76

    OhioTom76 Senior Contributor

    It's not always easy to tell the drama queens from the people who are serious about doing it. My gut feeling is, the more someone says they're gonna do it, the less likely they seem to be to actually go through with it. I would be more worried about someone who perhaps casually mentioned that they had had suicidal thoughts from time to time, than the person who was making a big spectacle about how they were gonna do it soon.

    I think the distinction for me is if someone genuinely appeared despondent, and had "checked out" - vs, someone who is just manic for attention at all times.

    I made one call to a suicide hotline a few years ago, after I had quit my job that I hated, knowing that I would have been fired soon anyhow because of my drinking. I had done a bad batch of bath salts that night too and drank myself silly, and was ready to call it quits - but I figured I would make one last call for someone to maybe knock some sense into me. I was actually really surprised and disappointed with how flippant the person on the other line was. He basically sounded like he could care less, and was actually making me feel worse, as if he didn't even care if I went through with it or not. In fact, I think part of the reason I didn't go through with it that night was because I was so pissed off from that call, that I wanted to complain about it the following day either by emailing them, or sharing my experience with others, a review site, something. I guess what he did "worked" but what really angered me is if he had been talking to someone else like that and they actually went through with it, because of his total lack of empathy.
  15. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I think suicide attempts like that are a cry for attention. Possibly, they do not have a taste for the regular type of attention, for one reason or another, probably due to a less than traditional childhood wherein her positive reinforcements or lack thereof were all misplaced by her caretakers so that person grows up liking the wrong type of attention. This is very similar to what most of entertainers crave which is affection from an audience, most likely due to similar upbringing, but for some it manifests in craving false affection through entertaining people, while for some it evolves into suicide attempts.
  16. vegito12

    vegito12 Community Champion

    Some people may do it facing depression or feeling their partner may leave them and want to see how much does the person really love them to stop them to feel loved. Sometimes people have a rough childhood and, have a mind which is stressed out or think if they do a false attempt will get saved by the one loving them to see how far will they go. I have known couple of people did this one of them was doing it for the wrong reason to get revenge on another person and wrote a letter on computer trying to make it seem that person will be responsible for it luckily the person did not go ahead with it.
  17. JohnBrock

    JohnBrock Active Contributor

    If it's an addiction is hard to say and requires looking into the case - but I am fairly sure that it is very possible to be addicted to the attention gathered from suicide attempts. Perhaps similar to m√ľnchausen syndrome (in which the subject will fake illness for attention)
  18. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    If she has already attempted suicide for about 5 times already, then that's pretty alarming and not just a case of wanting attention. Sometimes, we thought people are just joking and just want some attention, but the truth is, they are badly bruised on the inside, and they just want to know if you still care about them.
  19. goldenmaine

    goldenmaine Active Contributor

    For me, these are ways to get attention of others. Maybe they are lonely and depressed and need someone to talk to. They have low self-esteem because they can joke about ending their life. It is difficult to deal with these on your own because it is very sensitive and an expert may be needed like a psychologist. Life should never be played around with, like these fake suicide attempts. Life has so much to offer that it is not worth it to end it with trivial things.
  20. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    There might be something she might be hiding away from you of which she feels that when you will find out it will be a shame. It can be failure to meet certain goals, which makes their recovery difficult. She needs time somewhere, away from you, either college to socialize with many people freely if she can realize her being in the society. Otherwise she must be encouraged to be prayerful.