Hi friends, I am feeling extremely overwhelmed and sad. I hate myself and am feeling worse everyday. I have relapsed from opiates; it has been about 3 months since I picked up again. I had been clean for a year. I have struggled with opiate addiction for about 8 years. In and out of detox, rehab, suboxone, methadone, round and round in circles...you name it. I have never worked a program for a long length of time but when I had worked one (for a short period), I felt pretty darn great. Why am I so resistent?? I hate drugs and everything they stand for. I just want to walk away and not look back. The thought of even going to a meeting seems like so much effort. But I am just miserable...Obessing daily over getting the pills, wanting the pills, needing the pills but at the same time hating the pills and knowing I need to stop the pills asap. I know I can't stop alone and I am suffering in silence. Any words of motivation or encouragement would be greatly welcomed and appreciated.