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Feeling so sad and hopeless...

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Staceylj, Aug 17, 2015.

  1. Staceylj

    Staceylj Member

    Hi friends,
    I am feeling extremely overwhelmed and sad. I hate myself and am feeling worse everyday. I have relapsed from opiates; it has been about 3 months since I picked up again. I had been clean for a year. I have struggled with opiate addiction for about 8 years. In and out of detox, rehab, suboxone, methadone, round and round in name it.
    I have never worked a program for a long length of time but when I had worked one (for a short period), I felt pretty darn great. Why am I so resistent?? I hate drugs and everything they stand for. I just want to walk away and not look back. The thought of even going to a meeting seems like so much effort. But I am just miserable...Obessing daily over getting the pills, wanting the pills, needing the pills but at the same time hating the pills and knowing I need to stop the pills asap. I know I can't stop alone and I am suffering in silence. Any words of motivation or encouragement would be greatly welcomed and appreciated.
    Owlwright likes this.
  2. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    I am probably not the person to give you advice here, as I am not an addict, but you are among friends here and we can help support you and hopefully motivate you. You made the positive decision to come here. So obviously you are seeking support and you will get it.
    Staceylj, MrsJones and deanokat like this.
  3. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I am glad that you made the decision to come here seeking help. That alone tells me that you really want to get your life back. You did well in the past so you can do it again! I am not really the one to give advice but I can offer my support and be there for you. There are a lot of people here who have lived the life you are living and are now clean and living a happy, healthy life. I am sure others will have great advice for you. Hang in there and never stop believing that you can do this!!
    Staceylj, MrsJones and deanokat like this.
  4. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    I know how you feel that is how I felt about alcohol. I hated it, but I wanted it or thought I had to have it. I to hated myself I was a low, lonely person, and I drowned in my on sorrow. I know how strong addiction is, but you are stronger you may not believe this, but you are. I beat my addiction I never thought It possible I mean I was really bad. I never thought I could live without drinking. I've been sober almost five years I'm living proof, and so many more are too. We were all right there where you are. Find first the strength to forgive yourself it's ok for you to be happy give yourself permission to do so. Stop beating yourself up start loving yourself believe you are worth fighting for. Tell addiction to kiss your ass you got a life to live. Once you decide to stop being a victim, and be fighter and love yourself everything else truly does just fall into place.
    Staceylj, MrsJones and deanokat like this.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Staceylj... Getting and staying clean and sober is not an easy task. It's a learned behavior and it takes practice. Slipping up isn't fun, but the more you practice being sober, and the more you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get back on the road to recovery, the easier it gets.

    Keep setting the goal and focusing on it. And work your butt off to achieve it. If that means going to meetings, then go to matter how hard it is for you to do that. If you want to bring about change--and it seems to me like you do, because you're here sharing with us--then you have to be willing to work like hell for it.

    Rome wasn't built in a day. And you won't find recovery in the blink of an eye, either. Recovery is a journey. So pack your bags and be willing to bust your butt.

    I know you can do this. I have total faith in you. And I invite you to have total faith in yourself.

    Keep doing the next right thing, my friend. We are here to support and help you any way we can.

    Oh... And one more thing: Never, ever give up hope. Okay?

    Peace and hugs.

    P.S. If going to a meeting is really too much for you, then consider doing an online meeting. The In the Rooms website has tons of those. And you don't even have to leave your house. But I think being among others who are going through situations similar to yours can be incredibly helpful.
    amethyst, Staceylj, MrsJones and 2 others like this.
  6. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    Totally agree with deanokat well said. You are not alone not by a long shot. We are here if you want you can pm me anytime if I'm online I'll get right back. If not I will as soon as possible. I'm sure you can also reach out to others here we are all here for support not only to get, but give:)
    Staceylj, Winterybella and deanokat like this.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Things you don't hear too often: "Totally agree with deanokat." I'm going to show this to my wife. :)
    Winterybella likes this.
  8. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Kgord, my sentiments exactly. I am not an addict myself and actually had to take a quick peep online to be sure of what opiates are. But as you said, StaceyLj has come the right place where she will find friends willing to listen and offer the best advice possible. You are no longer alone Staceylj.

    Not surprisingly, many of my friends are already here offering support and advice. I hope I am around to read of that sadness being replaced with joy. It's not how many times you fall, it's how many times you get up.
    Staceylj and deanokat like this.
  9. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    The secret to being successful at anything is getting up each time you are knocked down. You are willing to fight the addiction, that's all that matters. Even when you relapse there's a lesson learned there. You know why it happened and the next time you take a stab at fighting the addiction, you'll know what not-to-do. Get up and keep fighting. Believe that you can make it . . .

    “The world’s greatest achievers have been those who have always stayed focussed on their goals and have been consistent in their efforts.”
    ― Roopleen,
    Staceylj, MrsJones and deanokat like this.
  10. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there @Staceylj! Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story to us here. I am sorry to hear about the pain you are going through right now. I could totally feel that you are suffering. Anyway, I suggest just don't be too hard on yourself. You'll get there eventually and you will overcome these addiction issues in time. Just keep yourself focused and motivated all the time.
    Staceylj and deanokat like this.
  11. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi @Staceylj include me in welcoming you and thank you for sharing with us. The one thing that I would like to ask is, do you have some support around you - family, friends? If not, I strongly suggest to come out of your comfort zone and reach out to a physical body. Don't get me wrong, you have come to a wonderful place to share with us but we all need to be with and around people. A lot of times that helps us to take our minds off of the negative things in our lives.

    As others have mentioned you have overcome the habit before and you can again. We are all here to help you knock down the walls that you are facing right now, so stay with us and please take what you like and leave the rest.
    Staceylj and deanokat like this.
  12. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Staceylj... How are you doing?? I've been thinking about you. If you have a chance, it would be cool if you could check in with us and give us an update. We're here for you, my friend.
    Staceylj likes this.
  13. Staceylj

    Staceylj Member

  14. Staceylj

    Staceylj Member

    Thank you Deanokat. I wish I could say I was feeling better but it just seems to be getting worse. I just moped around and cried all day. I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know where to begin...
  15. Staceylj

    Staceylj Member

    Thank you
    L_B likes this.
  16. Staceylj

    Staceylj Member

  17. Staceylj

    Staceylj Member

  18. Staceylj

    Staceylj Member

    Still feeling very sad...stuck in this rut. I know change takes work, alot of work. Sometimes I feel like I don't have it in me. I suffer from depression as well so it's a double whammy. Today was a really rough day.
  19. Staceylj

    Staceylj Member

    Thank you ❤
  20. Staceylj

    Staceylj Member