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Finally getting through to someone

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by lexinonomous, Oct 21, 2015.

  1. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    I wasn't sure where to post this, but this is something I would like to share with you all.

    My fiance and I have been having issues when he gets home from work. He is a full time cook and works long hours in a restaurant. He drinks every day after work, but I slowly started to realize he was lying to me about just how much he drinks. He would tell me that he had a beer, but he was acting as if he binge drank prior to getting into the vehicle. He was starting to act very out of character and would be extremely emotionally abusive.

    It finally hit me that I needed to bring the early signs of alcoholism to his attention. It began with a huge argument and him saying some awful things to me. I'm a very passive person, so I was letting him treat me terribly throughout the entire ordeal. I broke down and let him have it. Surprisingly, he broke down and responded in a way I wasn't expecting.

    The next morning he apologized and told me that he is going to start making positive changes in his life. He hasn't drank for about 48 hours, so it's a start. He is making the decision to stop drinking because it has started to effect the people around him.

    I wanted to share this as a way of vocalizing my feelings. I needed to let it out to people that may understand what I'm going through.
    kassie1234, dyanmarie25 and Rainman like this.
  2. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    This is wonderful news. I am sorry that things had to get so bad before you made his realize what he was doing to himself and the people who care about him. 48 hours is a great start. I hope he continues on with this. You don't deserve any of the emotional abuse that was directed towards you. I realize alcohol talks aand itt changes people in ways that aren't very pleasant. Please keep us all updated on his progress. We are here for you! I hope for your sake and for his own sake that he stays away from the alcohol.
  3. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    It's often hard for a person to admit the truth and actually take a step back and admit they might have a problem. What can start out as a few beers after work can quickly develop into an habit.

    Hopefully he'll have realised now there is a problem and be able to do something about it. 48 hours without a drink is certainly a positive step in the right direction.
  4. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    I always believe that communication is the key to solving most of the problems, so I can totally relate with getting through to someone, that is very important.
  5. henry

    henry Community Champion

    Great. That means the guy has some common sense even when he's juiced up, and that's a very good sign. Give him a chance and see how he comes along. It's also a good idea to remind him every now and then of his decision, but not to the point where it becomes an annoying nagging.
  6. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    I'm happy you were able to get through to him. What you need to do now is trust him. Trust him not to drink and, as @henry says, try not to nag him about it.
  7. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    That is very inspiring news, and congratulations on some success with getting him to see what he is doing to you with his drinking. You will need to continue to monitor the situation because it usually takes more than one argument for someone to change. Even the most passive people get to their breaking points and that is usually what it takes for someone to see that you are serious.
  8. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Good thing he was able to realize it with your help and admit his mistakes. Right that it is a good start already and better if he will keep the motivation until he can totally get rid of the addiction or the habit.
  9. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    It can really be a symbiotic relation if on the other side there is someone who is willing to be helped, all depends on that.
  10. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    48 hours without drinking is a good step in the right direction but enthusiasm for change can flag after while so @OP you have some more work to do. Keep your fiance motivated to keep fighting his addiction. Applaud his efforts, read him an inspirational message each day — anything that will give him the impetus to keep going.
  11. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there, @lexinonomous! :) I am glad that your fiance has finally realized that if he does want to keep you, he has got to get rid of his alcohol addiction already. That's truly an inspiring story, and I do hope his sobriety would continue in the long run until he has finally recovered. Stay strong and be patient. All the best!
  12. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I'm so glad for you and also congratulate you over voicing your feelings! You have no idea how healthy doing that is! Never ever bottle up your feelings, girl! You know we are always here to listen, but if there is something more private you want to voice out, then get a diary. I have one and it helps me loads when I am feeling specially stressed, plus it's nice to go back after a while and read what one has written.
  13. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    Well it's good he's deciding to change. It was really honorable for him to apologize when he was wrong. This all may have been from withdraws. I think that once he gets over this addiction everything will be much better. Good luck to the both of you.
  14. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    Thank you all for the supportive comments. It means a lot to me. I have been struggling with letting go of the night I had to speak with him, but it seems like things have dramatically improved in just a few short days. He has not drank since Sunday evening, which marks his fourth day today. I think it scared him a bit, realizing he isn't any different than others and he can easily become an alcoholic. Here's to hoping he continues on this journey. :)
  15. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    I am so glad to hear about it! Many times things are bad, but when a connection is established things can improve really fast.
  16. Joethefirst

    Joethefirst Community Champion

    That is great news. The change can only happen if the person is willing to do so. All you have to do is give him the support that he needs. The most difficult part is done, the decision to stop drinking from here on it can only get better.
  17. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    That's great that he decided to change, and I hope he keeps up with it. Keep him accountable for his actions.
  18. vegito12

    vegito12 Community Champion

    It is a good thing he decided to see what his actions was doing and decided to turn his life around and usually this can take a long time and hope it works out for both of you and he will take sometime to adjust to not drinking alcohol and will need to give it sometime. I reckon if you show he can trust you then he will have more motivation to move ahead in life and also will eventually quit when he feels he is ready, and give him some space so he can think on what to do and set small goals to achieve. I think doing things together may help him as both of you will be involved and also he will see life in a positive way and also money will be saved and can be used for the important things.
  19. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I think it's actually good and important that you broke down, because I think it can really help a person realize just how much their behavior is affecting you! It sounds like it was a bit of a tipping point - hopefully now that you've really gotten the issues out on the table there will be real change.

    Best of luck - please keep us posted! :)
  20. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    That's great news. Most people do not listen and are in denial when it comes to their drinking problems. It's a good thing that you did what you have to do and told him what he needed to hear, and that he listened to you. Well, good luck to the both of you and I really do hope that he'll continue to be on his full way to recovery.