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Fine line of alocholism

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by Allen24, Oct 2, 2014.

  1. Allen24

    Allen24 Active Contributor

    My parents drink regularly and heavily a couple of times a week. I am worried for them but don't know when to voice my concern. I'm not sure how I could 'convince' them that they drink too much. Is it my place to say something? They clearly don't think anything is wrong but they worry me. Have any of you been in a similar situation?
  2. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    Since you're their child (even as an adult), then they should listen to you. You'll have to bring it up as easily as you can and point out that you think it's a problem. Don't be too pushy, but don't let your parents just brush you aside. It's always better when you can point out exactly how their drinking habits affect themselves and others, including yourself.
  3. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    That's a tough situation you're in, but no doubt one you cannot ignore. Being their son, you have every right to intervene in matters that negatively affect your parents' health. What kind of a son would you be if you just watch idly and let your parents drink themselves to bad health? Your intervention only means you're a filial son. I suggest you cut out articles that heavily discuss the devastating effects of alcohol and stealthily place them on the sofa of your living room or anywhere else where they don't escape your parents' notice. They're bound to read it.
  4. Allen24

    Allen24 Active Contributor

    Thanks for the advice, AFKA and xTinx. I will try to talk about it when them soon. Printing out articles and discussing those with them is a really good idea that I had not previously considered.
  5. ambernw

    ambernw Member

    I would approach the conversation in more concern above anything else. Let them know their drinking is affecting you this way, you are their son so you are perfectly fine voicing your opinions and concerns to them if something is affecting you in a way that you are not okay with. Steer clear of accusing and let them know you're not judging them at any point, you're just concerned.
  6. maryannballeras

    maryannballeras Senior Contributor

    I haven't experienced this personally because my parents have always been clean. Maybe you can talk to them and let them know that as their child, you've noticed that their regular drinking is not doing anything good to them and to the family. Usually parents would cut down bad habits if it's already comprising their family.
  7. Allen24

    Allen24 Active Contributor

    Thanks for the advice, amber and maryann. I hope they make some adjustments to their habits for the sake of their health and our family's future.
  8. Onionman

    Onionman Active Contributor

    Unfortunately, you're probably battling a generationally different perspective. "I've always been able to handle my drink...It's only another glass", and so on.

    Sadly, a lot of us don't see there being any issue until there is a physical sign of an issue. It's a cumulative thing. At least you're aware and hopefully you can start the conversation off with them, without them feeling there's a blame game playing out or there's judgment. It might have to be a few conversations but by bringing it up at least you can start the dialogue.
  9. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    You are part of their family so you have the right to voice your concerns. I'd like to know more about what the effects are on them and if they really need to stop, which is what I would advise anyone who is looking to confront them, but in general I think the best way is to bring up those effects to let them know that you are worried about it. If they see what they are doing then they might listen to your concerns a bit more openly.
  10. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Whatever happens to them will affect you as their child. If they get sick or put themselves in danger, would that not bother you? I'm sure you will get devastated. How is the family dynamics? Like how do you handle family concerns? Do you talk about it casually or intimately? Do you write each other letters? When do you usually work things out? When you have singled out how your family functions in terms of solving problems and your manner of talking, determine which is the best way you handle such situations. And just do it. For a start, I think it is much better when they are sober.
  11. kbroder9

    kbroder9 Member

    I think if you have any concern, you should bring it up in a way that they know you love them, are concerned, and just want to have an open and honest conversation. You should try to be calm and reasonable, and not confront them or put them on the defense. As adults, sometimes hard conversations come up, and even if they don't agree with you, hopefully they hear you out and may think about it a little more the next time they drink alcohol.
  12. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    This one is tricky. As their child, you do have a "right" to safety and to be free of concern. However, MANY parents are not going to see it that way, and some will be downright angry with a child questioning their judgement. Now, we can all sit here and debate what you have a "right" to do, and what you have a "right" to say, but the truth is, unless your parents feel you have that "right" they're not going to be open to real communication. Not to mention the fact that there is a chance you are wrong, and they will feel slighted in some way. I know some are going to disagree with this, but we're talking about real life, not the ideal situation.

    Perhaps it would be best to ask questions that in turn will make them think and self-asses? Things like, "I know you're over the legal age, but how do you know when drinking is too much?" or, after reassuring them that these are just questions and you are not drinking, "How does a person know they are an alcoholic?"

    I've seen conversations like this go really well, and diffuse a situation that could turn negative.
  13. OhioTom76

    OhioTom76 Senior Contributor

    When you say that they drink "heavily", what exactly do you mean by that? Are they polishing off a whole bottle in one evening? Or are they having two or three cocktails, Are they getting to the point where they are acting demonstrably drunk and plastered, or are they just getting to the point where they are unwinding and becoming more sociable?

    The only reason I am asking, and I'm not saying I'm right by any means, but twice a week really doesn't seem that uncommon to me or that much. If someone was drinking heavily I would imagine them also drinking more frequently throughout the week.

    You could perhaps mention to them that they got pretty wasted the following day if that in fact happened, and perhaps it will make them reconsider how drunk they are allowing themselves to get in a given sitting - because that can certainly end badly if one of them grabs the keys to go run to the store for something.

    I'm not sure what age you are, but I would approach them tactfully about it, otherwise they may simply try to just hide their drinking from you.
  14. Ronsa

    Ronsa Active Contributor

    I do not have any experience as my parents do not get addicted with alcohol. Maybe you can try doing things with them which they like doing. The purpose is to distract their attention on alcohols and get their minds occupied with something else. Moreover, you may talk honestly with them what your worries are. Hopefully they will listen to your advice.
  15. jurew2

    jurew2 Member

    I don't have any experience with parents abusing alcohol for myself, but I think that you should tell them that you worry about them. They might start thinking differently about it and might stop drinking so much. You should definetely try it, because you don't have anything to lose, do you? If you talk to them reationally than I think that they will listen to you to some degree.
  16. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    This is a hard one. If you did say something, I'm sure they are not going to listen. My parents were the same way. I would usually hear "I want to be happy" excuse whenever the subject of having them quit came up. What can you do? It's going to take something bad to happen to make them realize that they need to stop.