I smashed a window, cursed out my friend, and pulled a knife on my brother the other night because he wouldn't give my bottle back to me. the cops were called and everything calmed down after that and no one got hurt. I may have lost one of my closest friends now because he sees that I am out of control. Now I feel like I am going to be a loner again for a long time. I do not want to drink anymore. Not even socially. I do not know how to go about this exactly. I am starting a journal to keep my thoughts collected but I really hope I can manage without messing everything up again. Alcohol has ruined enough of my life. I can not drink anymore. and I have said this in the past but somehow end up going right back to the bottle. I need to do this for real. I do not know what is wrong with me.